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To think this is despicable?

(47 Posts)
PrivateMum222 Mon 25-Mar-19 21:19:39

Quick disclaimer just in case: Daily Mail and all other tabloids can piss off.

So... DH and I live on a very quiet road with our three-year old son and have been here for ten years with lovely, kind, mostly retired neighbours in a decent area.

New neighbour moved in last September with her son and, amongst other (less appalling) things like smoking weed outside, leaving fag butts in our garden, beeping car horn late at night etc our biggest concern is that her language is atrocious. She regularly calls her DS a "fucking cunt" for the whole road to hear, screams and shouts at him at all hours of the day and every other word is "fuck" or "fucking" at the top of her voice. The child even asks her not to speak to him like that and yet she carries on calling him a fucking cunt and that she'll send him away to boarding school and call the police on him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to a swear but I don't do in front of my child and I really don't want him privvy to it - especially this summer when windows will be open and we'll be in the garden - especially at such an impressionable age. Just last week, nursery have flagged that he's been using the word "naughty" which is considered a swear word in that setting, so I'm nervous that he's going to pick up something far worse.

We're considering a move so can't afford to get into any sort of dispute with her but there's no way we'll be able to appeal to her better nature, I'm not sure that she has one. So what on Earth do we do?

FenellaVelour Tue 26-Mar-19 00:04:39

As a social worker, I’d expect this to be taken seriously, it’s emotional abuse and very damaging. I had a family on my case load for something very similar once.

3dogs2cats Mon 25-Mar-19 23:45:11

I worked in safeguarding for years. This is serious emotional abuse. This child is being told constantly that he is worthless, and that is the visible will be worse behind closed doors.
Privatemum222 please report this, and keep reporting further incidents. Kids like this end up dead.

YouBumder Mon 25-Mar-19 23:07:32

Yes, report her to SS. She’s being abusive to that poor kid.

As for this mind you

nursery have flagged that he's been using the word "naughty" which is considered a swear word in that setting

🤣🤣🤣 oh do give over.

Exhaustedmummy1811 Mon 25-Mar-19 23:04:07

My dds nursery has also vetoed the word 'naughty' I picked her up once and they told me she had let go of the teachers hand and tried to run off, when I said to her that's naughty and you must hold hands and walk nicely, I was told 'we don't use the word naughty. It was just a bit silly'

Jux Mon 25-Mar-19 23:00:03

Well, now op's decided to report to ss, so the main issue is decided, I'm interested in the idea that tabloids link directly to threads - I wasn't aware of it, thought they just c&peed and then any reader who could be bothered could go and find the thread themselves.

PrivateMum222 Mon 25-Mar-19 22:51:01

Can we all just forget the tabloid comment? They're unlikely to link to a thread that carries a negative intro' because why would you? But there's a bigger issue here so shall we just skip it?!

PrivateMum222 Mon 25-Mar-19 22:47:04

Yes @CloudyTuesday, that's what DH and I decided, that at least a comment will be registered with the relevant authorities in case of any future issues. We really were in two minds so it's been useful to realise this we've not exaggerated the situation.

adaline Mon 25-Mar-19 22:44:12

* Re comments about tabloids, they won't link to this thread now.*

How do you know that? confused

CloudyTuesday Mon 25-Mar-19 22:43:15

Gizmo, you're not wrong about what ss are dealing with but this mother's behaviour is a concern and ss would want to know. They can make their own judgement about the follow up. If nothing else, it's evidence on file incase there are other incidents reported in the future, all building up a picture.

BlackPrism Mon 25-Mar-19 22:40:51

Just so you know the disclaimer doesn't mean they can't take it as it's an anonymous forum it doesn't break any laws or the IPSO code.

donaldducksgranonceremoved Mon 25-Mar-19 22:39:29

In terms of your child... I live in London and bad language is unavoidable. I've told mine that grown ups know what those words mean and therefore can choose if they want to use them as they understand the possible consequences but until he's a grown up he can't and mustn't copy them. It's up to him as an adult if he does.

In terms of her child... it's abusive to call a child a fucking cunt repeatedly regardless of their behaviour. I wouldn't confront her but I imagine there's either SS involvement or soon will be and I'd report exactly what was concerning me to the NSPCC anonymously

azulmariposa Mon 25-Mar-19 22:38:56

I would report to ss. If she treats him like that in public, imagine what she's doing behind closed doors. As for the posters that say your wasting ss time. You won't be. If they assess and find nothing wrong then good. More than likely they will already be known, especially if she's done that around his school or nursery. And the smoking of weed is a concern if it's being done in front of the child.

NoisesInTheNight Mon 25-Mar-19 22:38:10

Thank you for deciding to make that call OP.

PrivateMum222 Mon 25-Mar-19 22:37:07

Re comments about tabloids, they won't link to this thread now. Anyway, irrelevant.

Thank you for comments, it's quite telling that absolute consensus is that she won't listen to reason and to report to SS. I'll make an anonymous call tomorrow and let them consider a response. I'm not sure of his name or school but that's a good idea to report to school too. Thanks everyone, it's very, very insightful.

NoisesInTheNight Mon 25-Mar-19 22:35:34

Emotional abuse is still child abuse and who knows what else is going on that the OP doesn't see. Children do not need to look like a stereotypical child neglect victim in order to deserve protection. This boy deserves better. He is being abused.

Gizmo79 Mon 25-Mar-19 22:33:22

You people do realise that social services are inundated with serious cases of child abuse and neglect don’t you?
No wonder there is not enough input into the children who actually need help if there are members of the public referring in children like this.

Is the child fed, is he dressed appropriately, does he have a home- you will find that social care have to concentrate on those children that have none of those.
You know, those kids who have nothing to eat at school, dressed in dirty unwashed clothes....

CloudyTuesday Mon 25-Mar-19 22:28:55

Sorry just seen he's at nursery, so very young. What a disgusting woman. Report and move.

CloudyTuesday Mon 25-Mar-19 22:26:47

How old is her child op?

I agree with talking to ss but you may well find that nothing changes, if all they find is that she swears and smokes weed outside the house.

Regarding her swearing. I wouldn't bother approaching her about this. She already knows that people can hear and doesn't care. If she's happy to swear at her own child she's highly unlikely to care about yours. Al you'll do is tip her off that you're the 'busybody neighbour' who reported her to ss.

You can't control the behaviour of everyone who comes into contact with your child. Discuss how some families use bad words that your family do not use. And move ASAP, without any dispute between you.

JaniceBattersby Mon 25-Mar-19 22:20:30

‘Naughty’ is a swear word? So what am I supposed to say to my kids when they’re being naughty, then? confused

SeventhWave Mon 25-Mar-19 22:20:07

I think you have my old neighbour, OP.

If there's screaming and yelling and drugtaking with a young child on the premises, the police will take an interest.

Nancydrawn Mon 25-Mar-19 22:18:06

O/t, but: Usually the tabloids don't just copy and paste; they also link to the article. I imagine the thinking is that they're less likely to borrow from an article that when linked (or even just googled) starts out by saying fuck off to the borrowers.

puppy23 Mon 25-Mar-19 22:17:16

@Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom 100% yes - I've said this so often.
OP, SS may do nothing but at least by reporting it you've given it a try and its out of your hands.

Mumofaprinny Mon 25-Mar-19 22:16:10

Ok, as for chatting to her first, she really does sound unhinged so I’m not sure that’s a great idea. Yes I would contact social services anonymously and the next time you hear her screaming at him, I would call the police. She is abusing her child and it’s not ok. If it continues after that, contact the landlord.

Nnnnnineteen Mon 25-Mar-19 22:11:51

I reported a neighbour to their child's school for speaking like that to their child and they treated it as a safeguarding concern

Servalan Mon 25-Mar-19 22:10:01

Definitely worth a call to SS. They may act, they may not - but better they have the choice than not know that a choice needs to be made on this and meanwhile this poor kid suffers at the very least extreme emotional abuse.

For all you know, the family could be known to them but pieces needed for the jigsaw that gives them the bigger picture.

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