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To lay down some ground rules with my EX

(9 Posts)
Mumoftoo19 Mon 25-Mar-19 19:56:36

Okay so to cut a long story short I have a 7 year old DS me and his dad split 5 years ago. The relationship was toxic but i kept going back so needed to do what was best for me and DS. We moved about 1.5 hours away to be near family. He has contact and weekend/holiday visits with DS whenever he wants and I have done alot to ensure they have a good strong relationship.
Me and the EX are civil and arranged for him to have DS every other weekend plus anytime in holidays and EX used to pick him up and drop him off as I didn't drive.

When i passed my test I would go and meet him halfway on both pick up and drop offs which I had no problem with. So the issue is this.. I have a partner who I have been living with for 2 years and we have just had a baby. My partner has been meeting my EX halfway with my DS so I dont have to sit on my own in traffic with a newborn who I may need to attend too. My partner can no longer do this as he has taken on overtime at weekends and my EX is insisting that I should meet him halfway both days.
The times are unpredictable as its around his work and on the sunday he doesnt bring him back until after his bedtime. By which time I should have already bathed the baby and have him ready for bed. Am I unreasonable to say that my partner will meet him on the Friday as I know hes been working all day and its alot of driving, but on the sunday he needs to bring him all the way and have him home and by a decent time so I can get him settled for bed before school? He has no set routine at dads so is hard to settle and as hes home so late I have to virtually put him straight to bed. If I were to meet halfway I would have this and a newborn to contend with. I just know he will be annoyed if I say this but I do now have two children to look after.

Nnnnnineteen Mon 25-Mar-19 20:38:46

You are BU. I appreciate it is difficult logistically, but you moved away and now it doesn't suit you (for fairly valid reasons) that's not your ex's problem. You can ask him, but if he says no I don't think he would be unreasonable.

Mari50 Mon 25-Mar-19 20:46:43

Why not on a Friday your partner drives the whole way? That’s really the only fair way to work it out...
And to be fair it’s difficult to establish a routine when you only see a child every other weekend.
I also think as you moved away initially and your ex did all the driving initially you are BU.
6 hours driving is a lot at the weekend.....

Mumoftoo19 Mon 25-Mar-19 21:00:32

To make things clearer they both work Friday. The Ex finishes work at the half way point and so me or my partner meets him there. I totally understand the diffuculties of getting into a routine for only a weekend but DS should, in my eyes still be going to bed at a reasonable time not left completely to his own devices confused
I think how it was before was totally fair as we split the driving. Its just very difficult now as DS2 is exclusively breastfed and still very much feeds on demand so its hard to judge and i cannot pull over on a motorway to feed. Once DS2 is more predictable feed wise itll be much easier as I can just travel between feeds smile

WWWWicked Mon 25-Mar-19 21:04:35


You were the one that moved 1.5 hours away.

Nicknacky Mon 25-Mar-19 21:07:22

Interesting wording on your title. Lay down ground rules? Not “how do we sort this out.”

Mumoftoo19 Mon 25-Mar-19 21:14:18

Nicknacky you are reading far to much into the title. I didnt really know what to put. I was just looking for advice on the best way to sort this out as i thought this was somewhere I could do that. Yes i did move away. At the time it was the best option. Without splashing the ins and outs of a terrible relationship i had plenty of reason. I had death threats and all sorts from this man. Who may I also add never saw his son when we lived locally. He would always be too busy going on week long benders or sleeping with other women. Not bashing the man but I feel although people are assuming I moved to spite him and that is not the case at all. I needed to do what was best for my mental health and in turn, my DS.

Nicknacky Mon 25-Mar-19 21:15:11

It’s your title!

QueenEhlana Mon 25-Mar-19 21:18:38

Halfway is messy. Why not one trip, one party does the whole journey, the other trip the other party does it. It's still an even split, and no one has to wait around.

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