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Sharing Mother's Day

(16 Posts)
Devonair Mon 25-Mar-19 18:10:13

Hello, I’m just looking for advice and help others might deal with this.... I have a 20-year-old daughter, away at uni, who has said she’ll be home for the Mother’s Day weekend. When she comes home she often meets up with her boyfriend and he stays over, but I find it hard sharing her and my home with her boyfriend. I don’t dislike the guy, I’m just struggling with sharing her! I feel my home isn’t my own when he’s here. Basically, I’m having trouble just being myself and doing my own thing because I feel awkward! When it comes to the Mother’s Day weekend, how do I get across to her that it’s her I want to spend time with, not her boyfriend? Am I being selfish and need to learn to share or is it ok for me to feel this way?

Sirzy Mon 25-Mar-19 18:13:15

I think you need to accept that she is growing up.

She is an adult with her own life so instead of being upset at “sharing” be happy that the pair of them think enough of you to come and stay for mother’s day

CapeDaisy5 Mon 25-Mar-19 18:15:46

I wouldn't do it myself, not unless we'd been together a very long time. I mean, can't she see him any other time? It's one weekend...

BlueJava Mon 25-Mar-19 18:16:18

Don't push him away because you'll push her away! I think it's good they both want to come to see you - could so easily be the other way. Personally I'd try and make him welcome but also think about exactly what you don't like doing when he's around - and then work on strategies to cope with that.

Crockof Mon 25-Mar-19 18:16:50

Yes I agree with above, but also want to give you the biggest ever hug. I totally get how you feel and do understand but you have to let her grow up. You have done a great job at parenting as she wants to come home x

DoneLikeAKipper Mon 25-Mar-19 18:16:59

When it comes to the Mother’s Day weekend, how do I get across to her that it’s her I want to spend time with, not her boyfriend?

Can you just say that? That as it’s mothers day, you’re assuming he’ll be with his own mum, so you had planned to just spend the day with her? Yes, generally she’s growing up and young love tend to be all over each other, but I’m sure you can politely put across that you only want to see her this weekend.

Don’t worry, in a few years she’ll probably be around yours to get away from the husband for a few hours wink.

Samind Mon 25-Mar-19 18:17:23

Could you book something like nails or lunch or that so you're guaranteed some girly time?

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin Mon 25-Mar-19 18:19:48

Surely he will be with his own mum?

IHateUncleJamie Mon 25-Mar-19 18:22:13

Assuming you want her to come home for Mother’s Day, I think at 20 you need to accept the BF too. Is the BF at uni with her, or am I reading it right that he’s not?

If not, maybe he could come round on Saturday morning/afternoon if dd is coming home on Friday evening? You could suggest a couple of hours Mum/Daughter time as a compromise.

Tbh I’d be delighted to see dd, bf in tow or not.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Mon 25-Mar-19 18:23:32

I'm taking my mum out for lunch, should I leave DH at home?? If she's coming home from uni to see him , it seems fairly serious for that age. He'll probably be up and gone Sunday anyway to see his own mum. It's a bit weird to be possessive of your adult daughter.

lilabet2 Mon 25-Mar-19 18:31:09

Just tell her that you'd like to have a girl's day on Sunday but she could arrange to meet up with her boyfriend on the Saturday?

Devonair Mon 25-Mar-19 18:43:17

The bf is at a different uni to dd...my house is between the two.
Thanks u’all for the input....and thanks crockof for the hug..I needed that.
Being possessive of my adult daughter...hadn’t really seen it like that so I guess I need to take that on board. Consensus is definitely I need to let her go n embrace what time she offers, and include bf ....not sure how I learn to let her go? Something to work on, eh.

Leeds2 Mon 25-Mar-19 18:47:26

If she is coming home for the weekend, could she not spend Saturday with him, and then Sunday with you and he spend it with his own mum? I think though that, given they are typically apart during term time, she is going to want to spend a lot of time with him.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff Mon 25-Mar-19 18:52:46

I understand where you are coming from as I won’t even see my son on mother’s day as he has an early morning flight booked to visit his girlfriend but then I am happy to know I have raised him to be a independent man who is in love so I get over it and remember he hasn’t stopped loving me but has also found someone else to love as well.

RedElephants Mon 25-Mar-19 19:00:47

Is his mum 'around'?

If she's not perhaps, he hopes to see you as the next best thing?

Just a thought

Cranky17 Mon 25-Mar-19 19:19:49

Maybe you should embrace him, an alternative could be be them both going to his mums and you wouldn’t even see her

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