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Aibu to think there's more to life than this?

(28 Posts)
Holidaylover Mon 25-Mar-19 17:27:04

Hi i just need a little moan, feeling a bit sorry for myself. I am so very lucky to be a stay at home parent but gosh I'm lonely and stuck in a rut. All of my children are now im school so I'm alone during the day. Every day is groundhog day.

I am mid 30s and for various reasons I now have no friends. Its just hubby, kids and I.
Whilst I love doing things as a family I don't have my own social life.

I have not been out dancing for 10 years. I miss it. I have not been out to lunch with a friend for a long time. I arent able to go to spa days, girly shopping trips, meals out, girly holidays etc because i don't have anyone to do it with. I see lots of people on social media doing these things and it gets to me.

Most of the time I accept this is how life is for me but sometimes I like today when it's lovely and sunny I feel really lonely and like I'm missing out and life is passing me by.

Does anyone else feel like this? What can I do to make myself feel better?

Notreallyhappy Mon 25-Mar-19 17:39:16

Life is isolating when your on your own. I do understand.
If you can get to some new activities in your area to maybe start new friendships.

sackrifice Mon 25-Mar-19 17:42:21

A - what happened to your friends?
B - Can you make new ones? Go out in the day, join a club or group, do some training or get a part time job?

Exhaustedmummy1811 Mon 25-Mar-19 17:42:30

I completely sympathise op I am a single parent, I have 5 dc the oldest 2 are at school, then I have 2 toddlers who got to nursery 3 days a week and a 2 week old preemie baby. I only have the one friend who Is also a single parent so we don't see each other much. I also live in the middle of no where and we oy get 2 buses a day so it's impossible to go anywhere or do anything. I know exactly. How you feel and have tried many things to try and get in the community and meet new people but it's very hard when isolated and have small children in tow. I hope you manage to get out of the rut

redexpat Mon 25-Mar-19 17:43:38

Start by making a goal.

Eg by xmas I will have 3 people I can call to invite out and go dancing.

So now you need to figure out how. Potential places:
Interests/activism
Classes
Sports
Volunteering
Work
Meetup.com
Mumsnet local meet ups.

Now book some time in your calendar to research these options and what works for you. Make sure you have a regular time in your diary to 'work' on your goal. So if you need to arrange a babysitter or whatever then start with that.

Also, try to be nice but relaxed. Theres nothing more off putting than desperation. Easier said than done.

GoldenHour Mon 25-Mar-19 17:43:50

Now your kids are at school could you perhaps look at work or even volunteering? Give you a bit of direction and the chance to meet people. I don't have friends either sadly, only acquaintances, but my career keeps me sane and gives me purpose (on top of my family).

Holidaylover Mon 25-Mar-19 17:44:12

Friends just left me behind really, when I had children they didn't and they went off living their lives and excluded me.
I was made redundant at the same time and have lost contact will all my work aquantencies.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 25-Mar-19 17:44:13

My world seems to have got smaller as the years have gone by

ValleyoftheHorses Mon 25-Mar-19 17:47:49

Join a couple of weekly exercise classes. Nothing too strenuous eg beginners Pilates.
Volunteer one day a week for a few hours, somewhere sociable eg local NT place?
Hear readers at school?

User165443456 Mon 25-Mar-19 18:04:03

What about other school mums? There's a lot of mums at our school who are lucky enough to get big tax credits so they don't have to work while their LOs are at school, they have a whale of a time together, gym, lunches, coffees, shopping trips, every day. I feel like the sad lonely one going to work 10-2! But my tax credits aren't enough as I only have one LO.

nzeire Mon 25-Mar-19 18:22:09

So hard, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.
Volunteer with the reading programme (or similar) at the kids school
Join the fundraising group
Do an exercise class
Get a part time job
Cook in a group for a charity
Volunteer one day a week in the hospice shop
Fill your days, things will start to happen naturally

MsMustDoBetter Mon 25-Mar-19 19:32:51

Join a running club

Join the WI

Join a church community group

Join a book club

Invite some school parents round for a cheese and wine night identify potential friends.

Polkadotdelight Mon 25-Mar-19 19:34:47

Have you looked into volunteering with Homestart? It could be a great way to meet other volunteers etc and support families too.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken Mon 25-Mar-19 20:32:12

If you’re a SAHM to school children then you have time on your hands, which is good. Why don’t you use some of that time to volunteer, join a club, or a hobby. It will get you out, keep you busy and get you socialising

Obviously some people will be out at work during the day so try to join a club or similar on one evening so you may meet different people that way

PinkiOcelot Mon 25-Mar-19 20:39:59

I think I must say this every day, but from the other side. I work FT in a job I don’t like. I look but there isn’t much about, so I feel stuck.
I’m sorry you feel like that OP. Could you ask another school mum for coffee? Or volunteer?

Maneandfeathers Mon 25-Mar-19 20:46:08

Can you find something that interests you and make new friends that way?

Sport or a hobby maybe?

It’s the only way I stay sane.

Arowana Mon 25-Mar-19 20:49:15

How about volunteering? Or getting involved with a political cause?

BlueSkiesLies Mon 25-Mar-19 20:52:46

Yup there is way more to life than this.

How do you want you life to look like in 5, 10 years time? What’s different? What’s the same? How would those changes manifest in one year?

What small steps can you take to make a change? Can you set some goals to help achieve this?

Don’t be afraid of knock backs. You’ll have to have resaialiance and persevere and sometimes do things when you can’t be bothered.

CheekyChappy710 Mon 25-Mar-19 20:56:31

Get a job. It will fulfill you and you'll make some friends.

AllTheFours44 Mon 25-Mar-19 20:58:08

A job or volunteering is the obvious solution, surely?

Gets you out of the house.

Introduces you to new people.

Provides opportunities to expand your social life.

Life is what you make it, OP. Make it more than you are.

SkinnyPete Mon 25-Mar-19 21:01:02

What can I do to make myself feel better?

Start by understanding and appreciating the odds of you actually being here right now, taking your next breath. Life is a precious gift, even when it's shit.

SilverySurfer Mon 25-Mar-19 21:04:59

Wouldn't getting a job be the solution?

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 25-Mar-19 21:07:03

There are apps like Mush for making friends with other mums. No idea if they're any good but it's worth a try. I second all the excellent suggestions given by everyone else. Things won't come to you, you need to go out and get them.

bookmum08 Mon 25-Mar-19 21:07:14

I have often felt like this. A few years ago I found a group on meetup.com connected with an interest I have and it has totally changed my life. It has given me more confidence than I have ever had.
Think of an interest you have and then find a local group or class and try it out.

Pinotjo Mon 25-Mar-19 21:07:31

I don't have any friends, bad experiences, now have trust issues, came to the conclusion that I'm happier without friends. Have a grown up DD, have a partner. Iv learned to enjoy my own company, do stuff by myself, lunch, shopping trips, I make it "Me time" then when I want company I have my family. Other people think there's something wrong with me, I'm sad, antisocial etc, I'm not, I just can't put up with needy arseholes that can't be trusted

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