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To think this friend is taking the piss, repeatedly asking to borrow

(75 Posts)
Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 15:47:42

I have a friend who is irresponsible with their money and she doesn't budget, instead chooses to fritter her limited income on unnessecary purchases.

I've leant her money many, many times in and have always gotten it back on her pay day but I'm starting to resent the frequent requests for £5 here and £10 here every week without fail. I feel resentful that she sees me as a source of cash when I have very little money myself, i have a child and am heavily pregnant with another.

When I was working more the amounts would be higher, she'd ask for £50-100 at a time and I happily obliged because I always received it back, but now the requests alone (although smaller) are building resentment.

I sent her £5 yesterday as she was claiming to have no food (I only had £28 in my bank)

Ater sending it via bank transfer she said thank you and that she was going to the shop to get something to eat. All fine.

This morning she messages me again saying she can't withdraw the £5 out at the shop cash point (no idea why she didn't just pay on her card) and they've stopped doing £5 withdrawas.. therefore she needs me to send another £5 so she can withdraw the minimum amount, £10.

There always seems to be a sob story, she's starving, she needs to buy painkillers, she's got no electricity, yet she wastes what money she does get on crap like takeaways, new phones, overpriced vapes. I tried not to judge but unfortunately I can no longer help but do so when her "poverty" is self inflicted and she refuses to work or budget her money.

She's very fortunate in that she lives in council accommodation which her housing benefit covers, so she doesn't have rent to pay. She also receives a council tax reduction and has minimal bills. I on the other hand live in an expensive private rent, have high outgoings and dependents.

I sent a very sharp message back to her after the second request simply saying "stop asking me for money. I'm done lending to you and the little I have is for my children"

She's taking the piss out of me, isn't she?

LovingLola Mon 25-Mar-19 15:49:59

She's taking the piss out of me, isn't she?


Isleepinahedgefund Mon 25-Mar-19 15:52:36

Yes she is, and well done for saying no. Don’t lend her money again. If you stop hearing from her, then you know what kind of friend she is and you’re better off without her.

MRex Mon 25-Mar-19 15:53:01

YANBU, she's being really annoying. If she needs £5 every day then she should budget to put it away for herself.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 25-Mar-19 15:53:51

Don't give her anything, you are enabling her behaviour, you need that money for yourself!

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 15:53:52

What annoys me as much as the constant requests is how she concocts dramatic tales like how she hasn't eaten since the day before, or she's in so much pain from headache/toothache. It's like she's carefully constructing as pitiful a backstory as possible so that I don't feel able to say no.

It doesn't occur to her to save the £30 she wastes on takeaways and fill the bloody freezer.

Chocolateisfab Mon 25-Mar-19 15:54:15

Just say she has to pay on her card. . And unfortunately you won't be able to sub her anymore. Send her links to a food bank.

AmIBU123 Mon 25-Mar-19 15:58:35

You've done the right thing OP. I hope she's apologised?

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 16:03:00

Nope she hasn't apologised, she's probably peed off with me saying no if anything.

I've picked her up on the constant borrowing before when I came on mat leave, I told her I'm no longer in a position to regularly sub her. This was when she was borrowing larger amounts.

She made all the right noises but then the sob stories began a while later and the requests started again, she told me she was having problems with her benefits that were only temporary and in the process of being resolved but in the mean time she was in crisis.

I bought that for a while and I couldn't bring myself to leave her without food or electricity. It has since dawned on me that the sob stories are complete bollocks.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Mon 25-Mar-19 16:03:34

Well done for putting an end to it - she truly is a human catheter.

Anothertempusername Mon 25-Mar-19 16:05:28

I used to have a "friend" like this. I remember going to get a bottle of wine with her once in a shop which does top ups for gas / electricity meters; she stood there and said "I don't have any electric and have no money for the next 2 weeks". She had a 1 year old at the time and we were supposed to be going to her house for a drink and a natter. I spent £30 on electric for her.

There are easily 50 other stories like that I could tell. I don't see her anymore for that reason. She holidays 2-3 times per year although she hasn't worked for 10 years and still borrows lots of money from friends who have stayed in touch mugs

I have no problem genuinely helping people out but some people will just take until you have nothing left to give and then move onto the next person mug

You've done the right thing OP.

IHateUncleJamie Mon 25-Mar-19 16:06:17

She’s not a friend, she’s taking the piss. Can you not block her?

QueenofallIsee Mon 25-Mar-19 16:09:22

She is taking the piss and you did right calling her on it - if she gets shitty, even more proof she is not a mate

mondaylisasmile Mon 25-Mar-19 16:10:42

she doesn't sound like a friend, well done for calling her on it.

real friends wouldn't do this to each other, and she's been taking the piss for a LONG time.

it's not like she's chosen you because you can afford it - you can't! so she's a piss taker on multiple levels.

she KNOWS you need that money to pay for your own children, but is happy taking it? awful, awful behaviour.

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 16:11:18

I've been distancing myself from her gradually for this exact reason, replying to fewer texts and not initiating any conversations.

The slow phase out was going well until she got in touch yesterday "in crisis" having not eaten since the day before and was so hungry, could I please help.

I shouldn't have sent the £5, especially since I had less than £30 to last myself but the friend in me wondered "what if she is actually going without food this time" so I sent it across telling myself it would be the very last time and next time I wouldn't respond, then she sends me that crap today which eliminates any doubt about her being sincere and I could no longer bite my tongue.

I don't want to remain friends with her any longer, she really is a human catheter!

pootyisabadcat Mon 25-Mar-19 16:16:43

Block her. You won't get the fiver back now, anyway. She's not a friend.

IHateUncleJamie Mon 25-Mar-19 16:17:20

Time to block, then. You need to stop enabling her.

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 16:19:05

Shes welcome to keep the £5 It's a small price to pay to be rid of somebody who only sees me as a bail out service isn't it smile

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 16:20:00

I agree. Enabling her has allowed her to continue frittering her money and not budgeting.

Perhaps now she doesn't have an emergency fund aka me she may reassess her spending.

Toooldtocareanymore Mon 25-Mar-19 16:23:00

I don't think she so much taking the piss out you like you say, as she's always paid you back, to me taking piss would be promising to repay then not or spending on takeaways etc while owing you money, to me it looks like you have just both fallen into bad habits she has you to fall back on , so she isn't great at budgeting and doesn't need to be as she has a permanent line of credit with you, while not piss taking its really really irritating, its taking you for granted.

though she probably thinks its fine as she pays you back.

You did right thing sending her a message saying don't ask you again, and yes the dramatic stories are meant to stop you saying no, next time ( if there is one) she's claiming she has no food say I have a spare tin of soup and half a loaf come get it, or I have two paracetamol

Poing Mon 25-Mar-19 16:27:18

Human catheter 😂

Aeroflotgirl Mon 25-Mar-19 16:28:26

So you have kids, and you are taking out of your kids hands to fund her! I would have stopped that ages ago! Glad that you have seen the light.

Abgh Mon 25-Mar-19 16:29:16

Its how she's gone about manipulating my conscience that I feel is deceptive and not right.

She knows I have a heart for my friends so wants to make it as difficult for me as possible to say no, by pretending she's starving or in dire desperation

Peterpiperpickedwrong Mon 25-Mar-19 16:30:55

It's like she's carefully constructing as pitiful a backstory as possible so that I don't feel able to say no.

And they will be well practiced because she will have used them, repeatedly, on all the other friends she has used before you. Well done on getting rid. Now block her.

Happynow001 Mon 25-Mar-19 16:41:39

Well done OP. It's incredibly hard to say No to friends (and even harder to family). Just be clear you'll be asked again though so be prepared. Hopefully when she sees you are resolute she'll move on and try her luck elsewhere or - even - manage her budget properly.

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