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AIBU to not contribute to this?

(76 Posts)
EleanorOalike Mon 25-Mar-19 13:42:36

Long story short;

I’ve received an email from a colleague asking me to pop into her office and sign a card and contribute some money towards a collection for a member of staff that I have never met and most likely will never meet who will be going off on maternity leave in a few weeks.

I rarely see any other colleagues in my department, I’m just left to my own devices with the permanent team avoiding me (and others with my job role) and not being open to conversation or suggestions we could chat over a break or lunch once every couple of months. It’s pretty lonely. The job is very poorly paid and basically a zero hours contract.

I’d even feel weird about signing a card given that I’ve never met this woman.

I also have another job on the side and have frequently contributed a lot of money towards baby gifts, major birthdays, celebrations etc but have never once received even a card. I’ve worked there almost five years. I’m single and a bit of an Eleanor Oliphant (read giant lonely loser lol). I feel I give so regularly especially given that I’m on a limited income and never have it reciprocated and it seems a bit ridiculous to now expect to be giving money to someone I’ve never even seen before.

How unreasonable would it be to opt out of this kind of thing?

RickOShay Mon 25-Mar-19 13:44:29

Not at all unreasonable. You really don’t have to, it is ridiculous.

Justmuddlingalong Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:00

Ignore the email. You don't know her or owe her.

FriarTuck Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:21

Just ignore it. If they follow up then say 'I've never met her so it doesn't seem right to be involved' - she can read that how she wants.

RickOShay Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:24

you don’t sound like a giant lonely loser to me, you sound lovely.

Smellbellina Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:25

I would, I don’t contribute to cards or collections for people I don’t know and I would find it odd if someone did for me!
She is being unreasonable to even ask.

Ballbags Mon 25-Mar-19 13:47:18

You say you've not had a card but if you've not had a baby, got married or had a milestone birthday why would you get one if that's all they give them out for?

Opting out is going to make you even more of a social pariah. Just sign the card and drop 50p/£1 in the collection.

BlueMerchant Mon 25-Mar-19 13:48:06

Ignore. If asked again just say you've never even met this woman!.

thecatsthecats Mon 25-Mar-19 13:50:05

In my rulebook, asking once is fine.

Ignoring it for whatever reason is also fine.

Asking someone twice is dreadful manners.

HollowTalk Mon 25-Mar-19 13:50:13

I'd just reply, "Who is she?" And then mention you're on minimum wage and if you put in any money it puts you under that limit.

EnglishRose13 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:51:01

Ignore it!

I was asked to contribute to my manager's Christmas present. My manager is a cunt. I ignored it. I then received a message via Facebook (even though she could see me sat at my desk) "Are you putting towards Manager's Christmas gift?" I just said "no. 😂"

Expressedways Mon 25-Mar-19 13:52:48

Ignore it. If you are asked again then say you thought the original request was sent to you in error since you don’t know who this person is.

LumpyPillow Mon 25-Mar-19 13:55:50

Office twats will forever do this. Ignore the emails. If she comes to you in person say 'no thanks, i dont know her. ' or just no thanks.

I would love to know why people do do this and think its ok?

Sindragosan Mon 25-Mar-19 13:56:42

Rude to email you personally. If it's a group email to everyone saying there is a card and collection in a certain office, it's fine to give or not, that's ok.

There shouldn't be individual pressure to donate to any workplace collection, no matter how well paid the job.

Omzlas Mon 25-Mar-19 13:58:30

Ignore. If you're asked again, reply "I've never even met this person, so no, I won't be contributing"

EleanorOalike Mon 25-Mar-19 14:11:35

Thanks everyone. The person organising the collection has made it clear they want to buy a specific item but won’t be able to if there aren’t enough contributions so I feel pressurised.

It’s a very small department so 50p or £1 would be seen as worse than giving nothing.

In terms of receiving, everyone gets a birthday card each year and a large gift for a birthday. I’ve had a milestone birthday, a graduation and a serious illness and also bought my first home while I was there. These are all things we’d be expected to contribute towards -£10 - £20 a time. The past year was a bit ridiculous as we were expected to give a present before mat leave and when the baby was born for two colleagues and another two colleagues had major birthdays and asked for charity contributions while the boss had already asked us to contribute £20 to gifts for them.

I spend a lot of my siblings and their kids, my parents and friends’ children throughout the year (around 2k in total some years shock) and I’m trying to cut back as much as I can given I’ve got a mortgage and bills to pay alone.

I’m just going to ignore this or email back saying that I don’t know her.

StormTreader Mon 25-Mar-19 14:19:53

"I assumed I previously donated in error and in fact was not part of the cards and presents club as I haven't received anything for any of my events. I don't feel like contributing is really appropriate in light of that, especially as I'm on minimum wage and have never met X".

Piffle11 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:23:35

If they want to buy something specific, then they may have to cough up more themselves! Don't get drawn into it: ignore this message and if it's brought up just say you presumed it was a mistake as you've never met the person.

BettyDuMonde Mon 25-Mar-19 14:27:28

‘Did you send me this email in error? Only i’ve never met colleague x and I’m even sure who she is, so I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to get involved!

Have you got any updates on project Y yet? Because I’ve almost completed Z task’

Etc, etc.

Drum2018 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:35:44

Did you send me this email in error? Only i’ve never met colleague x and I’m not even sure who she is, so I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to get involved

Perfect reply if you even want to bother replying. Personally I wouldn't. However if the stupid cow sending the email persists you should definitely send the above.

LumpyPillow Mon 25-Mar-19 14:49:08

Christ! I would opt out of all future stuff too.

Maybe a good time to say in your email, 'sorry, no, i dont know this person. I did want to bring this up, i cant help but feel this is all getting a bit out of control, buying presents for every occasion, i have a large family to buy gifts for and don't want to be spending money whilst at work all the time. I appreciate the sentiment but feel as we are adults everyone will be happy with a card for most occasions. I would like to opt out from gift giving and of course, receiving. Happy to chip in for a card!'

make it breezy. If they think you're tight, so what. There will be others who feel the same and sigh in releif.

edwinbear Mon 25-Mar-19 14:53:08

I would e mail back and say "I didn't realise we did collections, is this a new initiative as it didn't seem to be a thing when I had my birthday/graduated/was ill/bought my house?"

CKCSQ Mon 25-Mar-19 14:54:14

They expect £10-£20 donations per person?! shock that’s outrageous and you must stop donating. Don’t be afraid to say ‘sorry but I’m on min wage and simply can’t afford to contribute to this sort of thing (and don’t imagine anyone will mind as I’ve never received a card or gift myself )’

Luaa Mon 25-Mar-19 14:59:41

Blimey! In my work we give a few pounds each for leaving, maternity leave or milestone birthday. If it's someone I particularly then I stick £5 in. I doubt anyone has ever put £10/20 in for a collection!

EleanorOalike Mon 25-Mar-19 15:02:22

I think it’s because it’s a small team that it’s a £10 minimum. That said the senior people regularly seem to get about £200 worth of gifts or vouchers hmm

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