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To find Mother's Day cards triggering?

(105 Posts)
yellowbootieboots Mon 25-Mar-19 13:27:49

It just enrages me. No you're not "the best" you're not "wonderful" or "loving". You've been a horrible twat most of my life and pretty fucking awful at best.

We had a roof over our heads, clean clothes and food but Christ she doesn't give a toss about me and I'm expected to sign my name to this shit.

Anyone else or just me that gets pissed off this time of the year?!

Littlemissdaredevil Mon 25-Mar-19 13:31:35

I found Father’s Day card the same. They were all for the ‘best’ dad ever. Mine was a violent alcoholic

PoliticalBiscuit Mon 25-Mar-19 13:33:14

I had a panic attack in the supermarket today about it all so not just you!

Nowthenforever2019 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:33:53

I don't get triggered by them but have to avoid all the ones with alcohol on or the words lovely, best, amazing mummy etc. I found one last year that said 'hope you have the day you deserve' which I was quite pleased with

TheInvestigator Mon 25-Mar-19 13:34:11

You're not forces to buy one. If they don't deserve it, don't buy them one.

babysharkah Mon 25-Mar-19 13:34:54

Not triggering but pretty much the same for me for fathers day. Just dont send one.

LagunaBubbles Mon 25-Mar-19 13:34:58

I've lost my Mum so it's upsetting in a different way. But yes not all Mums are caring, some are abusive and horrible. So don't send her a card, what would happen then?

MountPheasant Mon 25-Mar-19 13:36:38

The proudest I ever was is when I bought one for my absuive alcoholic father that said ‘anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a Dad’.

Inside I wrote ‘Dear Father...’

Very pleased with that one.

GoGoGadgetGin Mon 25-Mar-19 13:38:16

If you feel you must send one, send a 'mothering Sunday' one?

pinkdelight Mon 25-Mar-19 13:40:41

Are you really expected to put your name to it? We don't do them. Who's making you? Just make a point of not doing surely?

Keener Mon 25-Mar-19 13:41:02

I think it's entirely ridiculous to assume that the language in a dopey Hallmark card has anything to do with the reality of anyone's relationships, even if they're not abusive.

You could say exactly the same about the sickly sweet sentiments in Valentine's Day card, or protestations in 'Thank You' cards, or 'To My Best Friend, My Sister' birthday cards -- or even in 'Congratulations on Your New Baby' cards, which are all guff about tiny fingers and joy when sometimes that new baby is ill or premature, or arriving into an unideal situation.

That doesn't describe anyone's actual life, any more than Christmas ads featuring beaming, photogenic families gathered around the turkey are.

KittyLane1 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:41:11

I'm sending this one.

Lifecraft Mon 25-Mar-19 13:42:07

I find this kind of thread enraging. "Just because something crap happened to me, not one else is allowed to say it was good for them".

I had a crappy childhood , but I don't resent those who didn't. I'm glad they had loving parents, and are celebrating that. Good luck to them.

People need to get a grip. You can't visit your own misery on others. But they can visit their joy on you, if you allow them to.

And if your crap parent is still around, don't buy them a fucking card. It's not compulsory. If they ask why, tell them it's because they didn't do enough to warrant it. You're a grown up now, take control.

Cheeeeislifenow Mon 25-Mar-19 13:42:57

Same we should invent our own ones .

Hope you have a miserable fucking lonely mother's day, because none of your children speak to you because you're a horrible cunt who will die alone "

bakingisnotforwimps Mon 25-Mar-19 13:43:49

What Lifecraft said

LaLoba Mon 25-Mar-19 13:44:18

My mother was a real life monster. None of it was unthinking, to quote one of my brothers, her cruelty is “her lifetimes work”. So I don’t have any contact, let alone get her a card on Mother’s Day.

But it’s made me appreciate people who do care about their kids - why shouldn’t they have a special day? It’s a sign of appreciation for a sometimes thankless task.
Mother’s Day is a reminder of what I didn’t have, which makes it all the more valuable in my eyes.

Triggering, not for me. I’m genuinely sorry it is for you, it’s a heavy burden abusive mothers gave to us.
Those people who say things like “you only get one mum” on the other hand give me internal rage, so I have a good idea where you’re coming from!

Cheeeeislifenow Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:29

@lifecraft people are entitled to have their own feelings. We are allowed to be angry and upset at our lost childhood s. No one is suggesting we should remove mother's day.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 25-Mar-19 13:45:32

Just buy a plain one that says "happy Mother's Day".

That's what I get for my mum, who is wonderful but easily nauseated by excessive sentiment, bad poetry, grandiose and unprovable statements, etc.

99p in LIDL, sign it, lob it in the post, and forget about it.

Lifecraft Mon 25-Mar-19 13:46:26

we should invent our own ones

Hope you have a miserable fucking lonely mother's day, because none of your children speak to you because you're a horrible cunt who will die alone

Oooo, I see a gap in the market here. Now where's my Dragons' Den application form......

Cheeeeislifenow Mon 25-Mar-19 13:47:48

Hey now that was my idea!!! smile

SomewhereInbetween1 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:47:59

There's no expectation though. If you don't want to get a card, don't.

SleepWarrior Mon 25-Mar-19 13:49:48

Lifecraft, I don't think the OP is saying that at all, just that she finds it more upsetting and infuriating than she can cope with. Not allowing anyone else to enjoy mothers day would be much more extreme, such as not letting anyone buy a card, or sabotaging a pub full of mothers day Sunday lunches.

Yes, op might find life easier if she finds a better way to cope with these feelings, but that's not generally a click your fingers and make it happen type thing, it's a process. It often needs, I dunno, creating a mn thread to work though your feelings and find others in the same position...

FamilyReferee Mon 25-Mar-19 13:49:58

I do find it triggering, having had a shit relationship with my own parents. But then I find it triggering all year round when people comment on their wonderful parents.

By triggering, I mean it makes me feel sad, angry, jealous - all the negative emotions. But it doesn't make me do anything - and I don't say anything to anyone usually either - I just keep it to myself. Others are lucky to have great relationships with their parents - I don't feel they need me popping up my head to remind them that my family are shit.

On the other hand - when people start saying things about how we ought to forgive our parents because one day they will be gone and we will miss them - well then they're fair game - because that clearly shows they have no empathy with my situation, not a clue. I have no contact with my family because they are narcissitic, sociopathic arseholes. Being with them is bad for my mental health - they are toxic.

Lifecraft Mon 25-Mar-19 13:51:40

@lifecraft people are entitled to have their own feelings. We are allowed to be angry and upset at our lost childhoods.

Indeed we are. But I'm equally entitled to have my feelings, and my feelings are that being "triggered" by cards that express the love that most people feel for their mothers, is self absorbed and quite unpleasant.

That's my opinion, other opinions are available.

Nofilter101 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:51:45

I agree with op. Even a blank one isn't deserved

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