Change in relationship

[Mamoababe24]

Hi everyone, just looking for advice.

I have an 18 yr old who i had the best relationship with. We would share everything. She was kind, thoughtful and a very happy young lady.

Recently she started going out with her first every boyfriend a few months ago. He seems like a nice guy, a bit shy but generally a nice guy. But my daughters attitude towards myself and her family has changed dramatically. Shes more sarcastic, cheeky, isolating herself in her room when she doesnt see her boyfriend. She doesnt even make time for her baby brother anymore and is being quite hurtful with things she says. But when her boyfriend is around shes back to that lovely girl i mentioned.

My daughter and i had a girls day out last week (which was planned months ago). She didnt make any effort with me even though i kept making an effort, took her out for lunch, just a general catch up was definitely needed but she was constantly on the phone to her boyfriend. She never acknowledged i was there half the time. I caught her texting her boyfriend saying she was fed up with me and wanted to be with him...i was left a bit hurt. So i just ended our day out earlier which she enjoyed. Since, she has been really moody, cheeky, having loud sex in the house, bascially having complete rebellious stage for an 18 yr old. She told me to leave my house if i didnt like to hear them having sex. Her full attitude has changed.

I feel my attitude is changing. Weve had about 4 fall outs since she started her relationship and im worried im pushing her away.

I have approached her about her attitude change to her whole family, she blames it on work and college demands but its proper mood swings and slamming doors every 2 mins. I feel im at my wits end.

[Nearlythere1]

That is appalling behaviour, especially the sex! However, I too had a bad phase, a bit later, about 20-22. I deeply regret it, and she will too. Tell her to move out though, because she won't get rid of that attitude any time soon. Sure, it may sour things even more for a little bit, but it will get better.

[Nearlythere1]

P.S. I would start by banning the boyfriend from the house though if they can't show some decency and respect.

[Mamoababe24]

Thanks for your reply. Its all just getting on top of me now. Like today she was moody with me until she found out she was able to see her boyfriend today. Im getting more and more quiet with her now because any time i open my mouth she has an answer back. A complete personality change. It really is frustrating. I understand she is on cloud 9 but whenever shes not with him she's hard going.
And its myself that gets the brunt of it.

[CantYouSleepLittleBear]

Poor you.

Is she an introvert - ie when's she's tired / under pressure does she recharge by being on her own? Just wondering if maybe having a boyfriend is putting stress on her (expectations, constant socialisation) and she's taking it out on you when she's not with him and having to impress? Not that I'm excusing her behaviour (which I agree is unpleasant) but just trying to think of possible reasons behind it...

Also, what's her previous experience of what other people are like when they're in a relationship? Could this have affected her?

Maybe she's just so mentally/emotionally absorbed in this new relationship that she's not (positively) focusing on anything outside of that. If so, things might change once the novelty of the relationship wears off.

Hope it gets better soon.