Blocked on Instagram by my husband!?

[Sophia0901]

Hi All,
I will try to keep this as short as possible, (cause its a long bloody story)
Basically marriage hasn't been good for the last couple of years. Not communicating properly, sex life got really bad, caught husband a couple of times guarding phone and jumping with phone in his hand when I would walk into a room.
Sooo i decided to do a little investigating. Turns out I uncovered a porn addiction. I confronted him on this he denied it at first and then went on to admit to sometimes watching porn for release.
Said he had no emotional connection to me and so didn't want sex with me because he could feel I didn't want it ? anyway.... I also discovered that although he told me he deleted Instagram 6 years ago , turns out he didn't he just blocked me! I cant find his Instagram account when I search his username but I can find him off anyone elses instagram account. he denies i'm blocked... but its plain to be seen. when I confronted him on this, his Instagram got deleted.... I feel like I cant continue in this marriage and I feel like i'm going crazy as he is telling me he didn't block me on Instagram even though I have proof!
How do I deal with this? feeling very low today!

[Weenurse]

Trust gone.
Time to go.

[Miffymeow]

It's not sounding good to be honest. The only reasons I can think of for him blocking you on instagram is either he is posting things you wouldn't be happy about, he has followers commenting things you wouldn't be happy about, he is posting creeper messages on other people's accounts you wouldn't be happy with. If he says he has no emotional connection with you and therefore there is no sex life, why are you wanting to stay? Are things good aside from this? It's not good if he has been lying for 6 years.

[KC225]

I agree the trust has gone

[ScatteredMama82]

I don't think the Instagram is the main issue here, although I would be very unhappy if my DH did that as it seems that he is hiding something. The fact that he said there is no emotional connection and no sex life, that is what you need to be looking at. The Instagram thing is just a symptom of that. How long ago did he say this? Have you managed to work on things and improve your relationship since then? x

[SummersOnMars]

Sorry OP, sounds grim.

This is no longer a relationship. It sounds as though you are two people sharing a house.

Two options:

1. Drastic action to rescue - couples therapy etc immediately.
2. Accept it's over, get on with ending it officially and moving on with your life.

[WooWooCocktail]

Does seem like it’s timr to go.

But you can’t assume he has a ‘porn addiction’ because he watches porn.

[KM99]

Instagram sounds the least of your problems. As suggested above either time to put the work in to rebuild your relationship or split.

[GabriellaMontez]

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

[CapeDaisy5]

DPs old friend has his long-time girlfriend (he's step-dad to her kids) blocked on all social media. Why? Because he seems to think following/friending loads of other women and liking all their photos is fine, and she doesn't like it. I wouldn't like it either. He likes pics of girls sticking their assessment out, boobs on display, bikinis, it's clearly a "I'm liking this because I think you're fit" thing, and I don't get why you would want to broadcast that to those women when you have a woman. He doesn't love her, otherwise he could easily give up lusting over these other women. I mean seriously, can't he just look at their photos and think "I would" without actually showing everyone else he thinks that? It's disrespectful.

[CapeDaisy5]

*sticking their ass out , they are very sexually orientated photos he likes. I don't get why he would choose to block the woman he supposedly loved rather than just not click like/heart !!

[Sophia0901]

It feels for the longest time we have just brushed our problems under the carpet and just got on for the sake of peace, without really looking at the relationship. I have asked for a separation, but he is devastated. Crying uncontrollably, not sleeping, not eating etc. etc.
He seems to believe that all problems are fixable if we work on them but I just feel he is a blatant liar! I got hold of his phone for a couple of hours as he left it in my car by accident and all of his google history was porn or pictures of woman. He trivialises this and doesn't see it as too serious, has started seeing a therapist for this "porn problem" . I think you are all right!! I should move on this marriage is over! I'm just so sad for the kids :-(

[Sophia0901]

Added to this he swears he hasn't got me blocked! He actually is that convincing he makes me question my reality! It feels like mental torture.

[IncrediblySadToo]

Don’t feel too sad for the kids. I expect they’ll be happier when you’re both happier.

Ignore the tears. If he really cared he’d have put some effort into the relationship before now instead of ‘escaping’ via copious amounts of porn and god knows what on Instagram.

Life is short. Move on & be happy.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

He is gaslighting you. Ditch him. I am sorry OP - my ex turned out to be a twat and I know its hard to take! But you will so much better without a man like that.

[ChuckleBuckles]

I have been through something similar with a partner OP, prepare to discover more, there is always more, more websites, more money spent on these activities, more lies. Every time that I discovered something and confronted him it was always "that is all there is!" until the next time I discovered the truth behind one of his lies. It is heartbreaking and it destroys something inside you bit by bit.

He is offending you, disrespecting you and stealing your time and energy that could be given to someone or something that could add value and joy to your life.

The saddest realization for me was when I could no longer deny that he preferred the porn to spending time with me, he preferred the online stuff to the real life person in his home that loved and cared for him. he didn't care how much he hurt me to get what he wanted.

Best of luck with everything, you have a tough road ahead

[troubleswillbeoutofsight]

I don't know of instagram is the same as FB with blocking people but on FB I have a list of people I've blocked. In between times of hm weeping and wailing ask him to show you his blocked list. If he refuses you have your answer, if you show there as blocked you also have your answer
Don't be with a liar, it's soul destroying and will make you question your sanity

[ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow]

It's always the same my love. Liars call you mad. Then you seem mad. You get obsessed with uncovering the truth. Then they lie more and if caught out they say they lied because you're mad and they "knew you'd react like that."

I'm with someone I implicitly trust for the first time in my life and can't believe the levels of anxiety I allowed myself to live with until I met him.

It shouldn't be like this, I hope you find the confidence to leave and find someone who is honest and kind to you.

[ilikemethewayiam]

If he has no emotional connection to you then that says it all. You are nothing more than a washing machine, cooker, hoover etc. He is porn addicted because he's not prepared to see you as a human being! He has totally dehumanised you. He is 'devastated' as losing his home comforts not you. I know because this was me! Same scenario! It really is time to move on. You can put yourself and your kids first, do what you want, meet your own needs and if at some point you meet someone else then you'll demand they treat you with respect and equal humanity! It happened to me and i'm now with a lovely caring man who respects me. Its a wonderful feeling. I look back and can't believe i even entertained my X's sh*t! I actually feel embarrassed now looking back.

Good Luck OP

[Sophia0901]

Thank you all so much! I'm so glad I posted here... its giving me the courage and strength to believe finally what I knew in my gut all along! He makes me feel so bad for suggesting that there is no way forward from this. He makes me feel that the fact there was no emotional connection with me is my fault and that's why he turned to porn. My self esteem is shot to bits!
Since all this came out he is just trying to be the perfect man. telling me he would forgive me anything I did because he loves me and the kids so much, and why can't I work on it for the sake of our family??
He is so clever in his arguments that i'm often stood there speechless because he twists everything I say so much!

[BIWI]

If you go to your settings, on Instagram (mobile app) and then click on to privacy and security, it will give you a list of people that are blocked

[ChuckleBuckles]

@Sophia0901 I think that you may find this article from the Chump Lady blog helpful to you, it details the harm caused by the online activity your husband is engaging in.

www.chumplady.com/2019/01/dear-chump-lady-my-husband-prefers-porn-to-me/

Lots of good advice in the comments too from others that have been in the same situation. Best of luck with everything, you can do this!

[GummyGoddess]

He is willing to forgive you for him watching porn and lying to you?

[Sophia0901]

I know for a fact I am blocked because if I use any of my friends phones and search his username, although account is now deleted he comes up. But when I search from my Instagram account it tells me no users found. He swears he didn't block me, even though I have proof! and now he's like "so your ending our marriage because you think I have you blocked on Instagram" or "your ruining everyone's life because you can't move on from this"!!!! - finding it really hard to have strength, he is refusing to move out and leave his kids... so then I do say to myself, It could be worse maybe you should just make this work for peace and harmony and for the kids sake!? But I am so unhappy and I think ultimately, in time the kids will appreciate a happy mam!

[Sophia0901]

Also GummyGoddess, What he means is that if I told him I had done the same thing he would forgive me! ;-)

[GummyGoddess]

Ah, that makes more sense! Even so, just because one person will forgive something, doesn't mean everyone will.