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Aibu to want to unfriend my friend..

(24 Posts)
Hrh80 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:36:08

So I’ve been friends with someone for a couple of years. We both have kids and stuff, and we got pretty good friends.
Now to begin with I thought she was just unlucky in love, she was seeing a couple of men, both of which were in a relationship with kids involved. One of them she was insistent she didn’t know about his wife until she was quite involved. One of them ended up incredibly stressed and ended up in hospital, presumably caused by having an affair. That ended. She now has another man as well, so still two, both of which are married with kids. I also thought for a long time that it was none of my business and I should keep my nose out. I’ve suggested on many occasions maybe trying a dating site to find a single man but that doesn’t interest her.
Anyway, as times gone by and she’s told me more and more about things as they happen, it seems to me that she hounds them and hounds them until they respond to her and agree to meet up. If they ignore her for long enough she starts sending photos of herself in Ann summers clothes she’s bought. One went on a family holiday and she bombarded him with messages until he replied near the end of his holiday, and while his mum was in hospital she also repeatedly sent messages to him until he went outside and replied to her.

I know they’re the ones cheating but I’ve been feeling more and more uncomfortable with her, she always goes into loads of details and tells me. She was really excited recently because she’d been round and managed to sleep with one of them in her bed. I can’t help but think she’s wrecking someone’s life, if the women found out they’d be devastated, but it’s like that excites her more and more.
Now I know it’s none of my business really, but then she tells me everything. There are lots of other odd things too, but this thing with married men makes me feel uncomfortable, so aibu thinking I should no longer be friends with her?

checkingforballoons Sun 24-Mar-19 19:39:46

She sounds like a knob, why are you friends with her?

redrobin212 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:42:18

Just move on.
Why on earth would you want to be friends with someone like this?
She clearly has major issues and is wrecking other peoples lives in the process.

MrsB11 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:42:48

Yeah that would make me feel uncomfortable too. Sounds like she's got some issues.

Sciurus83 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:44:38

She sounds vile, I don't know why you are friends with her either

sweetcheeksmahoaney Sun 24-Mar-19 19:46:08

honestly cut her off i had a friend the same and the best thing i did was get rid honestly she is the type to shag ur man on ur couch while ur upstairs sleeping.. steer clear it wont be long till she has her sights on ur man. xx

BlueMerchant Sun 24-Mar-19 19:46:46

I'd tell her I don't want to hear about it as you think she's behaving awfully and degrading herself. I'd also tell her she can't have much self-worth so to stop her 'boasting' as it makes her look need and cheap and you aren't interested.
If you think she's 'odd' and don't have much in common I'd cool it with her. Be busy and unavailable.

Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme Sun 24-Mar-19 19:47:06

Dump her. She doesn't want you as a friend she wants you as a witness to her sexual exploits.
If you ever have someone special you could never trust her around them - ever.

FuckertyBoo Sun 24-Mar-19 19:48:33

Yabu. She sounds wonderful. Why would you give up such a gem of a friend wink? I mean... would I ‘unfriend’ her? I don’t know. If she’s always been like this then yeah, I’d put some distance between the two of us. But if she’s just started this behaviour read, I’d probably be a little concerned about her.

Since you haven’t known her long, I’d probably ditch her, which sounds a little bit heartless, I know. Does she have any family other than dcs?

FuckertyBoo Sun 24-Mar-19 19:49:46

Recently! Not read.

Guavaf1sh Sun 24-Mar-19 19:50:36

That isn’t anywhere near normal behaviour

Hrh80 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:50:40

For a long time I felt really quite sorry for her. The version of events as it begin, with the bits she told me made it sound like she had had a hard time and none of it was her fault. It’s only over the past few months that more details have come out and I’ve realised how it is if that makes sense. She comes across as not the brightest person in the world, and that she’s really had a hard time. But in starting to realise that she quite calculated with everything. My first opinions of people are normally really good, I’m not often taken in by people, but I think I was by her because I truly felt sorry for her.

And the thing is, I don’t really want to be friends with her anymore, but I’ve had a hard time myself this past couple of years and my confidence is lower than it ought to be so I’m struggling trusting my own judgement, and keep wondering if I’m just being a bitch and having an opinion where I shouldn’t have one, or if I’m totally justified in what I’m thinking and should just sack her off.
And also if I should tell her or just be unavailable, she texts me a lot, I used to see her a couple of times a week but have kept telling her I’m busy for the last 3 weeks and often before then

Hrh80 Sun 24-Mar-19 19:54:14

And I trust my hubby completely, so I know he’d go nowhere near her. And I did think for a long time that I’d trust her not to go near him, but recently I think quite the opposite, given a chance I think she’d jump on him!

BlueMerchant Sun 24-Mar-19 19:54:42

Best thing would be to tell her but in all honesty I'd likely keep being unavailable. Ignoring the majority of the texts and when I do reply be very vague and keep it short.
Be busy if she wants to meet up and id be on my way out if she turned up. She's likely to get the message.

RandomMess Sun 24-Mar-19 20:00:36

If she texts to meet up you could reply "not if you just want to brag about having sex with a married man again"

Boysey45 Sun 24-Mar-19 20:09:19

No decent person carries on like that OP. I used to be friends with a woman many years ago and we were really close friends. She was probably the best friend I ever had and then she got pregnant to another good friends husband. The wife had 4 kids!!.

I thought if she was capable of that shes capable of anything, we lost touch anyway.

I'd just tell your friend, your too busy to meet up etc, she will'move on.

Iloveacurry Sun 24-Mar-19 20:11:22

She sounds like a bunny boiler! If I was you, I’d be distancing myself.

Springwalk Sun 24-Mar-19 20:17:38

Sometimes our morals and values don’t mix, and it makes the frienship impossible to function.

I would pull away it’s not working anymore.

ShowMeTheKittens Sun 24-Mar-19 20:24:37

Oh I had a friend like this, but she got them on a dating site. She had all these pretty photos of herself and she sounded a catch.
It was all drama drama drama with each of them.
One turned out (so she said) to be a drugs dealer ex needle user, then it was down the Medical G.U.
Then a pilot ( still married) but he was saving his money for his son, so off he went because he had no spare cash.
Then one who bought her millions of sex toys, corsets and godknows what.
But noooo
and so on.
Each time, massive drama.
Thing is, it was all so much about her. You couldn't go out with her, she would be eyeballing the wildlife.
Yuck. Chuck her.

Hrh80 Sun 24-Mar-19 20:44:23

Thank you! I think I just needed reassurance that I was making the right decision really. Like I say this past year has been tough and I’m second guessing a lot of decisions lately!

FineFanks Sun 24-Mar-19 20:53:04


I suggest majorly cutting down contact to an almost minimum. Ignore her messages, replying to only every 3rd/4th one to say that you’re not available to meet. Don’t give any explanations as to why you’re not free. You want her to get the message but not have enough to confront you over. Do this for a couple of months and she should get the message. Then i’d block her on WhatsApp & social media. If you ever bump in to her and she asks you just brush it off and say you came off those platforms. Again, if she pushes you to meet say you’re super busy but don’t give her excuses as to what you’re doing. If you say “I’m busy doing X,Y&Z” she might interpret that as genuine reasons, but you want her to get the hint you’re brushing her off.

Good luck. The sooner you ditch this person the better you will feel. Trust me, I’ve been through a similar exercise of cutting someone with extremely questionable morals and my life is richer for it.

ahtellthee Sun 24-Mar-19 22:00:50

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Hope that you manage a clean break.
Don't look back!

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Mon 25-Mar-19 08:02:21

I agree she sounds awful, I definitely wouldn't want to be friends with a woman like that.

I find mumsnet so weird though... A while back there was a thread about a woman who knowingly slept with a stag on his stag night. Almost all the replies were people saying as she was single she hadn't done anything wrong and should in no way be vilified. It's like you can ask similar questions a few days apart and get totally opposite replies. Just an observation!

Anyway, yeah totally ditch her!

foxsbiscuit Mon 25-Mar-19 08:29:29

I knew someone like this. She always used to go for men with girlfriends/wives I used to feel sorry for her and think that it wasn't her fault until she threw herself at my boyfriend on a night out that I couldn't attend. This was in front of all my friends. She had really low self esteem and needed to feel irresistible because men were choosing her over their partner. Ten years later she is still single (and probably still chasing married men). Get rid.

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