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dh and his new nephew

(36 Posts)
dailyfailnotwelcome Sun 24-Mar-19 17:12:15

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable about this so I thought I would ask you lot for help.

Here goes ... I'm married with 2 kids. I desperately want another one. We tried for a third 2 years ago and I had a miscarriage. After that dh said there was no way he wanted another one. My heart was broken.

Now a couple of years later my dh's brother and wife have a new baby. I'm really happy for them, they deserve to be happy. Here's the thing .... my dh has been posting all over fb about how proud he is of his brother and the new baby is gorgeous etc etc.

Am I bu to feel this is completely insensitive to me?


Duchessgummybuns Sun 24-Mar-19 17:14:10


Littleraindrop15 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:15:10

Yabu, you have two children already and even though you want another that should not mean he can't express love and happiness for his nephew.

Sapphire387 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:15:26

I can see why you are hurt. I think you should talk to him about it.

TheInvestigator Sun 24-Mar-19 17:16:56

So, because he doesn't want a third child he can't be proud and happy about any new addition to his family? He's happy for his brother, he's proud of the new baby in the family. He is allowed to express and share that.

It's been 2 years. Of course the pain won't ever leave you, but at some point you need to let him be happy about a new baby in the family.

The third baby is a conversation you could maybe have again, and explain how you're feeling but you can't ban him from sharing in his brother's joy.

LucilleBluth Sun 24-Mar-19 17:18:25


GooodMythicalMorning Sun 24-Mar-19 17:19:07

yes yabu. Enjoy your new nephew.

ArabellaDoreenFig Sun 24-Mar-19 17:19:46

Honestly, and I mean this gently, this isn’t about you - it’s about his brother and his brothers child, and he is perfectly within his rights to feel happy and proud of his brother and new family member.

However - this obviously is cutting you deep which means you haven’t resolved your own pain about your miscarriage and not having any more children, which is not unreasonable at all, you and DH need to figure out if he thinks he will change his mind, and if not how you will move forward with that, ie can you accept the decision or not ?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:20:58

Yabu. Very very.

Lemoneeza Sun 24-Mar-19 17:22:25

yabu I'm afraid. maybe have a chat about it though.

NoTNoShade Sun 24-Mar-19 17:23:35

It’s not insensitive to you, it’s not about you at all and you have your children. He’s excited to be an uncle. A different job and relationship.

LL83 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:24:36

Yabu. Nephew is not his child he can/should still be pleased about nephew. You should be excited about new arrival too.

Frenchmontana Sun 24-Mar-19 17:25:35

He said HE didn't want a third.

Not that he didn't want anymore babies in his wider family.

I get you are hurting over not having another and a MC. But yabu.

BlueCornishPixie Sun 24-Mar-19 17:26:36

YABU. And a bit weird and selfish.

His brother has had a baby! Of course he's proud of his brother and of course he loves his nephew. A nephew is very different to your own child and this is an entirely different scenario.

You can't stop him being happy for his brother ffs!

Arowana Sun 24-Mar-19 17:27:55

Sorry OP, I know you're hurting, but what he's done is perfectly ok.

However, the fact that you're so upset is worth talking about with him. Does he realise how sad you still feel about this?

Ginger1982 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:29:15

YABVU You already have 2, I'm assuming beautiful, kids and you think it's wrong for your husband to be pleased for his sibling over his first? Get a grip.

AuntieCJ Sun 24-Mar-19 17:30:26

YABVU. He's delighted for his brother and so should you be.

Anothertempusername Sun 24-Mar-19 17:31:04

YABU. I'm very sorry about your MC but you have 2 children and your husband is entitled to be excited about his nephew.

SemperIdem Sun 24-Mar-19 17:36:53

Yabu, sorry.

Cheeeeislifenow Sun 24-Mar-19 17:37:31

Yabu.... wouldn't you be happy if your sibling had a child? Wouldn't you want to celebrate it? Just because he loves his new nephew doesn't mean he should want another child of his own.

dailyfailnotwelcome Sun 24-Mar-19 17:37:32

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate that you took the time to answer me. I do feel that I am being unreasonable but I can't snap myself out of it. I'm going to try and talk to my husband about it. This has helped, thanks.

Ragnarthe Sun 24-Mar-19 17:38:07

I'm afraid YABU.
Should he not react to his brother having a baby? His brother would be very hurt. Is that what you want?
You are upset about your MC and the conversation about a third baby. I do understand that you are still hurting. But you are being unfair.
I think you need to deal with your problems, your feelings about the MC and whether there is another conversation to be had about the third child.
Your DH also lost a baby and it could be that he said he doesn't want another because he is scared.
You need to discuss it again maturely.
I would suggest that counselling might help you. Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone who is impartial to get some perspective on your feelings.

Babyornotbaby Sun 24-Mar-19 17:41:18


dailyfailnotwelcome Sun 24-Mar-19 17:43:53

Thanks Ragnarthe, I really have tried to talk to him maturely about this but it's not easy. You're right about counselling, we are booked in and waiting to be seen. I just thought I would ask if i was bu about this to see what someone outside this relationship thought.

To those who asked, yes my children are so lovely and yes I have been very very happy for my siblings and inlaws when their kids came along over the past few years. It's just this one I am hurting over but I can see now I am bu about it.

Joebloggswazere Sun 24-Mar-19 17:44:22


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