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To bar DS's best friend when he's drunk?

(25 Posts)
JellySlice Sun 24-Mar-19 17:05:55

Ds's best friend is a lovely young man, welcome in our house at any time. But that's when he's sober. When he's drunk he is a disaster zone. He gets out of control, pukes, throws things out of windows, damages things. Not aggressive, but a huge, powerful, maudlin idiot.

AIBU to say he may not come into our house drunk, and may not stay over if he's drunk? Ds assures me that he (ds) and his friend would pay for any damage, clear up etc. I know from what has happened at other houses that they do do that. Ds tends to end up nursemaiding his friends when they're drunk, keeping them safe and sorting them out. But AIBU not to want the hassle in the first place?

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:07:28

Of course yanbu. Has he ever behaved like you mention in your house?

LeesPostersAreInFrames Sun 24-Mar-19 17:09:14

He wouldn't be allowed in my house full stop. I'd tell him personally that I liked him very much as a sober person but could not tolerate his drunken behaviour.

MegaClutterSlut Sun 24-Mar-19 17:13:13

Rightly so he pays for the damage but that's beside the point, he shouldn't be doing it in the first place. No way would I allow it

Purpleartichoke Sun 24-Mar-19 17:17:12

I wouldn’t allow him in my house at all.

SavageBeauty73 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:38:23

I expected to think you were being unreasonable. That's outrageous disgusting behaviour. I'd ban him permanently.

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 17:41:56

He isn't a lovely young man though is he ? The damage to your home is proof i wouldn't be letting him in my house drunk (or sober) and i would be having words with your son about how he thinks that is ok behaviour.

KC225 Sun 24-Mar-19 17:59:39

Nope he wouldn't be allowed to carry on like that in my house. It is also a completely irresponsible attitude. What about the precious things with sentimental value that can't be replacedp? It is not okay to damage and smash things because you have lost control through alcohol

CalmdownJanet Sun 24-Mar-19 18:06:07

They'll pay for any damage oh well that's ok then sur what's the harm in him puking, throwing your stuff out the window and breaking things hmm

I wouldn't even allow him in sober and I would encourage your ds to stay away from him, gobshites like him only end up getting themselves in trouble.

Most people do stupid shit when drunk once or twice but regularly being a knob when drunk is just not on

JellySlice Sun 24-Mar-19 18:07:08

He has never been drunk at our house.

JellySlice Sun 24-Mar-19 18:07:50

Most people do stupid shit when drunk once or twice but regularly being a knob when drunk is just not on

Exactly.

BigSandyBalls2015 Sun 24-Mar-19 18:08:04

How old is he

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 18:11:36

Oh mis read but still if he has form for being a twat he doesn't need to be drinking/drunk at your house

JellySlice Sun 24-Mar-19 18:14:11

They're both 18.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka Sun 24-Mar-19 18:22:14

No way would I have someone in my home who behaved that way. And if he’s capable of breaking stuff accidentally or otherwise, he’s capable of hurting someone accidentally or otherwise. Offering to pay for any damages isn’t the point. If a person knows they behave in such a way while drink it’s their responsibility to not drink at all.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 24-Mar-19 18:25:57

He wouldn't set foot in my house.

SimonJT Sun 24-Mar-19 18:28:49

I wouldn’t let someone behave like that in my home, sober he could come over, drunk no way.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Sun 24-Mar-19 18:31:50

perfectly reasonable imo!

Also I'd have a stern talk with ds too, maybe the friend if you are close enough, but no one needs to be putting their friends in that position on a regular basis
I'd encourage ds to sideline this young man at every opportunity where alcohol is likely if the friend cannot be trusted. He needs to grow the fuck up and stop drinking to excess if he is out of control. The more people that tell him that the better.

SparklesandFlowers Sun 24-Mar-19 18:39:56

Everyone knows what this friend is like when drunk and see it as okay that the boys say they'll pay for damage afterwards (not you OP)?!

If the boy is that bad on a regular basis when drunk he needs help. Not offering to pay before he knowingly goes on a destructive drunkan rampage.

YANBU to ban him from your home.

SparklesandFlowers Sun 24-Mar-19 18:40:52

*drunken

junebirthdaygirl Sun 24-Mar-19 18:44:07

Do not let him drink. And have a serious chat with your ds that this guy has a drink problem and needs encouragement to get help. They would be all doing him a big favour if they didn't tolerate his behaviour as he might cop on. They will soon get sick of him.

gamerwidow Sun 24-Mar-19 18:50:43

No don’t let him in when he is drunk.
Paying the the damage isn’t enough it doesnt mitigate the upset and inconvenience of the damage in the first place.
Your DS friend needs to learn that this sort of behaviour makes him unwelcome and won’t be tolerated before he gets himself in real trouble.

LeesPostersAreInFrames Sun 24-Mar-19 18:53:53

He has never been drunk at our house.

Keep it that way.
Maybe the ban from your house well be the wake up call he needs to get a grip. Maybe it won't be and he'll smash somewhere else up. He's a young man who can't control himself when drunk. Some people just don't get on with alcohol and need to stay sober. I had a friend like that, who had a red mist descend when drunk and picked fights left right and centre. Last incident I witnessed was a MASSIVE bloke lifting him up by the neck in an attempt to control him (it did). He'd have been dead that night under a car or killed by a big bruiser if it hadn't have been for the kindness and strength of that guy. He was one of my best mates who I couldn't imagine laying a finger on me or my mates... until he went for another friend. I had a boyfriend who was a horrible drunk, realised it didn't agree with him, and when he avoided it he was good, but he went back to it.

People who can't keep basic control of themselves when drunk are dangerous to their friends, their environment and themselves. You are more than reasonable to keep him out of your home.

recrudescence Sun 24-Mar-19 19:06:08

Ds tends to end up nursemaiding his friends when they're drunk, keeping them safe and sorting them out.

I think this a trait that needs to be actively discouraged.

JellySlice Sun 24-Mar-19 19:14:03

Relieved!

Our home has always been open house for our dc's friends, and ds is finding it a bit of a shock that anyone is being barred.

Dh and I are quite square. Alcohol is fine, we enjoy it, we let our older children have it, too. But drunkeness is not fine. But, equally, we know that not everyone feels this way.

Ds came home drunk a few times, and we looked after him without telling him off. Much rather ds comes home drunk, and safe, than feels he has to hide it from us. But he knows that he is responsible for any damage. He found his limit and does not get plastered any more. Unlike some of his friends.

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