My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To cancel DD’s birthday?

633 replies

NattyGeo · 24/03/2019 16:47

NC’d to avoid being identified. My DD is set to have her 18th on a Thursday. We have booked a spa place with a restaurant, her and 5 friends have use of the swimming pool and sauna and will be having an 8 course tasting menu after. Costing us £350. Thinking of cancelling because she went to the People’s March when I told her she wasn’t allowed. She mentioned it on Thursday, a group of friends were going. she is very anti-Brexit and into politics (a real budding leftie), but I said no because it meant taking a National express at 4.30am to get to London by mid-morning and TBH I just didn’t see the point in doing it when we leave the EU next week! It would also mean taking a day off from her Saturday job. She sulked and stropped but I stood firm.

Yesterday morning I went to wake her as couldn’t hear her get up for work. She’d put pillows in her bed where her body should be to make it look like she was there and was gone! I rang her 10 times, no answer and on the 11th time I left a voicemail to say if she didn’t call back in 10 minutes I’d be reporting her to the police as a missing person. She called back, was in the bus and said sorry for sneaking out but she really wanted to go. She’d caught an Uber at 4am!

She arrived back at 2am this morning on the bus. I went to pick her up from the bus station (on my , she wanted to be dropped off no doubt to avoid me), and when she got in the car she told me to “wipe that look off my face”. She says she’s sorry for being dishonest but not sorry for going. I’m furious. She’s usually good as gold and has never done anything like this. WIBU to cancel Thursdays party as a punishment?

OP posts:
NattyGeo · 24/03/2019 16:48

Sorry OP bit unclear - 18th is on thursday coming (28th)

OP posts:
NattyGeo · 24/03/2019 16:50

And the bit where I explain I picked her up should read “on my insistence”. Must proof read my posts!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 24/03/2019 16:50

She's an adult who is standing up for her future. It's not like she was hitchhiking - she got a bus.

She sounds like a mature and thoughtful 18 year old.

FriarTuck · 24/03/2019 16:50

I would actually - partly because she was sneaky and partly because she was rude to you.

DaisyDando · 24/03/2019 16:51

Don’t cancel, you’ll regret that.

milienhaus · 24/03/2019 16:51

I think you have have a good job to raise such a resourceful, independent and politically engaged daughter. I wouldn’t cancel her party.

BorsetshireBlew · 24/03/2019 16:51

Don't be such a dick

FriarTuck · 24/03/2019 16:51

She sounds like a mature and thoughtful 18 year old.
Mature & thoughtful people don't sneak around behind others' backs (pillows in bed) or be rude to their parents.

Jamhandprints · 24/03/2019 16:51

I'm with your DD on this one OP and I think you've handled it badly and no, you shouldn't cancel the party. You should celebrate the fact that you've raised a strong, moral, intelligent daughter who will stand up for her beliefs.

S1naidSucks · 24/03/2019 16:51

Good grief, OP. She’s an adult and you shouldn’t be trying to control her movements, at this stage. I can actually see it causing damage to your relationship, if you cancel her birthday treat. You can still be a good parent but give them freedom. You should be pleased she has spent her time and money doing something productive, rather than spending her time following shit reality tv or trying to be the next internet twat.

user1496701154 · 24/03/2019 16:52

She's 18 I see no problems. She's an adult

Hospitaldramafamily · 24/03/2019 16:52

She's standing up for something she believes in - I think she should be applauded for that. Whether you see the point or not isn't really relevant. I don't think she's done anything wrong. You cancelling her party would be spiteful and unnecessary

angelikacpickles · 24/03/2019 16:52

YABU for forbidding her from going in the first place.

ShadowMane · 24/03/2019 16:53

Oh ffs, she's trying to have her voice heard, at nearly 18 you are very U to ban her from the event

She's nearly 18 years old, not 18months

Jjop · 24/03/2019 16:53

Honestly, I respect your daughter passion and absolute engagement in her beliefs. I think at her age, I would have no problems with her attending a process. I may express a view about her attendance but tell her it’s uo to her and that she can’t call in sick to attend etc.

Cancelling her bday seems extreme. I would be celebrating her birthday and raising a glass to myself in a job well done type of way. Your daughter is passionate about politics, good on her

Lolly86 · 24/03/2019 16:53

I think you should be proud of her for standing up for what she believes in. She is virtually an adult so should have some autonomy over what she does and where she goes. She can apologise for rudeness

MrsJayy · 24/03/2019 16:53

Meh i was marching against the poll tax at her age good for her but yes cancel the girls birthday party for daring to get a bus and having a bloody opinion

titchy · 24/03/2019 16:53

Well we're not leaving this week so she's clearly more engaged than you. The fact that you didn't see the point is entirely irrelevant.

She has a right to her views and to go on a march - she's almost 18 ffs not a young immature 12 year old.

So yes, you would be incredibly mean to cancel. You should be proud she actually gets off her arse and does something.

MightyAtlantic · 24/03/2019 16:53

She sounds great! You should be proud of her for standing up for what she believes in. Let her have her party.

rollwiththis · 24/03/2019 16:53

You should be proud of her. Don't cancel.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/03/2019 16:53

Good for her. Yabu.

JoinTheDots · 24/03/2019 16:53

I would not cancel her celebration. Yes she went against your wishes but she is a week away from being an adult. I think punishments should be proportional, and I think cancelling her 18th birthday is too much.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Lemoneeza · 24/03/2019 16:54

don't get why you didn't allow her to go Confused

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 24/03/2019 16:54

She's stuck up for her own views on what she feels is right and she's practically an adult so I can't honestly see why you'd say no anyway. It's tough to advise because I'd have done exactly what she did at her age.

Perty01234 · 24/03/2019 16:54

Very harsh if you do, not sure if I was your DD I would forgive you for it tbh. Hats off to having such an independent strong willed young women as your DD, appreciate it

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.