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To cancel DD’s birthday?

(634 Posts)
NattyGeo Sun 24-Mar-19 16:47:57

NC’d to avoid being identified. My DD is set to have her 18th on a Thursday. We have booked a spa place with a restaurant, her and 5 friends have use of the swimming pool and sauna and will be having an 8 course tasting menu after. Costing us £350. Thinking of cancelling because she went to the People’s March when I told her she wasn’t allowed. She mentioned it on Thursday, a group of friends were going. she is very anti-Brexit and into politics (a real budding leftie), but I said no because it meant taking a National express at 4.30am to get to London by mid-morning and TBH I just didn’t see the point in doing it when we leave the EU next week! It would also mean taking a day off from her Saturday job. She sulked and stropped but I stood firm.

Yesterday morning I went to wake her as couldn’t hear her get up for work. She’d put pillows in her bed where her body should be to make it look like she was there and was gone! I rang her 10 times, no answer and on the 11th time I left a voicemail to say if she didn’t call back in 10 minutes I’d be reporting her to the police as a missing person. She called back, was in the bus and said sorry for sneaking out but she really wanted to go. She’d caught an Uber at 4am!

She arrived back at 2am this morning on the bus. I went to pick her up from the bus station (on my , she wanted to be dropped off no doubt to avoid me), and when she got in the car she told me to “wipe that look off my face”. She says she’s sorry for being dishonest but not sorry for going. I’m furious. She’s usually good as gold and has never done anything like this. WIBU to cancel Thursdays party as a punishment?

NattyGeo Sun 24-Mar-19 16:48:38

Sorry OP bit unclear - 18th is on thursday coming (28th)

NattyGeo Sun 24-Mar-19 16:50:06

And the bit where I explain I picked her up should read “on my insistence”. Must proof read my posts!

YouTheCat Sun 24-Mar-19 16:50:11

She's an adult who is standing up for her future. It's not like she was hitchhiking - she got a bus.

She sounds like a mature and thoughtful 18 year old.

FriarTuck Sun 24-Mar-19 16:50:37

I would actually - partly because she was sneaky and partly because she was rude to you.

DaisyDando Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:14

Don’t cancel, you’ll regret that.

milienhaus Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:18

I think you have have a good job to raise such a resourceful, independent and politically engaged daughter. I wouldn’t cancel her party.

BorsetshireBlew Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:24

Don't be such a dick

FriarTuck Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:28

She sounds like a mature and thoughtful 18 year old.
Mature & thoughtful people don't sneak around behind others' backs (pillows in bed) or be rude to their parents.

Jamhandprints Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:48

I'm with your DD on this one OP and I think you've handled it badly and no, you shouldn't cancel the party. You should celebrate the fact that you've raised a strong, moral, intelligent daughter who will stand up for her beliefs.

S1naidSucks Sun 24-Mar-19 16:51:54

Good grief, OP. She’s an adult and you shouldn’t be trying to control her movements, at this stage. I can actually see it causing damage to your relationship, if you cancel her birthday treat. You can still be a good parent but give them freedom. You should be pleased she has spent her time and money doing something productive, rather than spending her time following shit reality tv or trying to be the next internet twat.

user1496701154 Sun 24-Mar-19 16:52:03

She's 18 I see no problems. She's an adult

Hospitaldramafamily Sun 24-Mar-19 16:52:44

She's standing up for something she believes in - I think she should be applauded for that. Whether you see the point or not isn't really relevant. I don't think she's done anything wrong. You cancelling her party would be spiteful and unnecessary

angelikacpickles Sun 24-Mar-19 16:52:51

YABU for forbidding her from going in the first place.

ShadowMane Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:03

Oh ffs, she's trying to have her voice heard, at nearly 18 you are very U to ban her from the event

She's nearly 18 years old, not 18months

Jjop Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:08

Honestly, I respect your daughter passion and absolute engagement in her beliefs. I think at her age, I would have no problems with her attending a process. I may express a view about her attendance but tell her it’s uo to her and that she can’t call in sick to attend etc.

Cancelling her bday seems extreme. I would be celebrating her birthday and raising a glass to myself in a job well done type of way. Your daughter is passionate about politics, good on her

Lolly86 Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:10

I think you should be proud of her for standing up for what she believes in. She is virtually an adult so should have some autonomy over what she does and where she goes. She can apologise for rudeness

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:37

Meh i was marching against the poll tax at her age good for her but yes cancel the girls birthday party for daring to get a <gasp> bus and having a bloody opinion

titchy Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:39

Well we're not leaving this week so she's clearly more engaged than you. The fact that you didn't see the point is entirely irrelevant.

She has a right to her views and to go on a march - she's almost 18 ffs not a young immature 12 year old.

So yes, you would be incredibly mean to cancel. You should be proud she actually gets off her arse and does something.

MightyAtlantic Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:42

She sounds great! You should be proud of her for standing up for what she believes in. Let her have her party.

rollwiththis Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:47

You should be proud of her. Don't cancel.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:53

Good for her. Yabu.

JoinTheDots Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:58

I would not cancel her celebration. Yes she went against your wishes but she is a week away from being an adult. I think punishments should be proportional, and I think cancelling her 18th birthday is too much.

Lemoneeza Sun 24-Mar-19 16:54:03

don't get why you didn't allow her to go confused

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Sun 24-Mar-19 16:54:31

She's stuck up for her own views on what she feels is right and she's practically an adult so I can't honestly see why you'd say no anyway. It's tough to advise because I'd have done exactly what she did at her age.

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