DP mother asking for money.. for gambling!

[mcjx]

DPs mum has text me today asking if I can lend her £20. We have a close relationship and we do get on but I'm getting sick of her asking for money every month. If it's not me she's asking it's my partner.

She doesn't work, she relies on benefits and she knows that me and DP have struggled for money the last few months as we moved into our new house not long ago.

I felt like I was in a really tough situation, I usually say no as most of the time I genuinely don't have it. But she knows I have it now because I recently won some money, not a life changing amount just a few hundred.

To be honest she wasn't really asking she said will I put £20 in her bank account.

I'm so pissed off at myself and her, I gave it to her and then she told me it was for online bingo. She's already maxed out her weekly deposit limit so wanted the money to put in her sons account that he doesn't use.

I don't know what I want from this post but I need to rant a little bit and get it off my chest argh!

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Does she pay you back? If yes then I guess it’s up to you really, if she doesn’t pay you back you’re daft!

[Horehound]

Never give her money again. Lesson learned. She is a gambling addict.

[mcjx]

@GreatDuckCookery she does, but always later than she says she will!

If she borrows it off DP she often doesn't give it back at all. But I suspect he's too soft with her and tells her not to give it back because she's always short on money. She's constantly lending off the people around her and it's really frustrating.

My mum would never dare ask my partner for money so I don't know why she thinks it's okay to ask me.

[SilverySurfer]

I wouldn't be giving her money for gambling. Tell her you put the money you won into an account which is not accessible for two years.

[mcjx]

@Horehound This is true, but she will not admit she has a problem. Her father also had a gambling addiction and lost thousands before he passed. It devastated their family so I don't understand why she hasn't learnt a lesson from that.

She is manipulative too. Often guilt trips people by saying she needs the money for gas and electric, but then will deposit more money online. If it's not that then she's buying weed every single day.

[Hadalifeonce]

Please don't give her money for gambling, it can all too soon become something she may not be able to control.

[mcjx]

@SilverySurfer That's partly true. I have moved a fair bit into my savings account.

The rest I planned to spend on my son that I'm expecting in a few weeks and she knows that

[mcjx]

@Hadalifeonce I feel like it's potentially already gotten to that stage. Then again I don't feel it's my place to push her to get some help

[Horehound]

Well since you know it's true you know to ignore her requests.
Is your partner able to go and restrict her depositing levels on gambling sites?

[GlitterPixie]

Gambling AND drugs? No way would I give her money

[mcjx]

@Horehound she's already done it, that's why she's had to use her other sons account to deposit because she'd already maxed out her deposit limit on her own

[mcjx]

@GlitterPixie she's a mess to be honest. Needs to sort her life out

[Ilove31415926535]

How does she know you won that money? I don't share my finances with my MIL.
If DP wants to enable her, then fine, but make sure he's not giving her money to piss away while your (and his) imminent baby go without.
It doesn't matter if you have a million quid or a penny, you don't have to give her anything, and you don't have to give a reason why you're not giving her anything.
If you want to help with bills then you couid pay bills directly etc.

[mcjx]

@Ilove31415926535 DP told her, that's how she knows.

I can't afford to help with her bills so I wouldn't be doing that either. I had a word with DP a few weeks back, told him to stop lending his mum and brother money because they never pay back on time (if ever) and we've often been left struggling for food shopping etc.

The entire thing is a mess, I wish we could distance ourselves from her

[Horehound]

I meant restrict them all to 0 so she can't deposit at all. And on her son's account too. Actually using his account is fraud.

[Drum2018]

Just reply No. simple as that. If you keep saying No then she'll stop asking. As for your Dh encourage him to do the same. Your money will be put to better use when baby arrives and you need nappies, clothes, etc.

[sonjadog]

Stop giving her money. 100% stop. Next time she asks, just say no. Make this twenty quid be the last money you give her.

[Pantsomime]

Do you gamble too to win money?

[ButtMuncher]

I would not be doing this. I recently gave my mum £400 to help pay for a dental operation, with no expectations of her giving it back because she looks after my 2.5 year old for free one day a week.

£20 for gambling? Not a fucking chance. My exMiL would pull stunts like this for fags and scratch cards, and then tell us she'd bought a new sofa or a car. You have to put a stop to it.

[mcjx]

@Pantsomime sometimes but only if I have the money to. And it isn't huge amounts. She's doing at least £40 on bingo a week

I won said money through a free bet with Ladbrokes - not my own

[Horehound]

Mmm so you are all at it. None of this sounds good.

[Timeforabiscuit]

We have had this issue with DH relatives, the only way we found to stop it was for dh to get to the pointwhen he realised he only heard from them when they needed money, not asking after our kids or asking about him.

He had it out with them, and just said no from then on - relatives moved on to other family members.

It did get ugly, especially when drug debt was involved - but by that point (several years) he reached the point that he didnt care if he never saw these relatives again.

[mcjx]

@Horehound That's not true. Like I said I bet occasionally, not every single day of the week. And small stakes IF I have it (most of the time I don't so I don't do it)

I don't have an addiction to gambling, I know when to stop - she doesn't.

[Nothininmenoggin]

Never lend money to anybody saves any arguments. If she using the money for online gambling then she has a right cheek. Just say no next time and you do not need to give her a reason just plain and simple NO.

[Timeforabiscuit]

Also NEVER talk about finances with them, not pay rises, new car, new furniture - its hard to get out of the habit of sharing, but harder to keep fending off requests for old mattresses etc.