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friend told her child my secret

(185 Posts)
commentson Sun 24-Mar-19 15:00:37

A few weeks ago I told a friend something in confidence, friend has spoken about this in front of her DD who has then told my DS! What would you do?

HedgerowTree Sun 24-Mar-19 15:01:48

It really depends on the secret, if it was a “I ate DDs last Easter egg” to “I stole a car from work and robbed a bank”.

BricksInTheWall Sun 24-Mar-19 15:02:08

Stop considering her a trustworthy friend. Lesson learnt.

AllTheFours44 Sun 24-Mar-19 15:02:41

Congratulations on your pregnancy?

StereophonicallyChallenged Sun 24-Mar-19 15:03:02

Depends on what it was, and if she intentionally told her dd I suppose.

commentson Sun 24-Mar-19 15:03:43

It was about a mental health issue within my family.

EssentialHummus Sun 24-Mar-19 15:04:26

If it’s something sensitive (which it sounds like) it’d be the end of trust or possibly of the friendship.

SneakyGremlins Sun 24-Mar-19 15:04:43

I'd eat the last After Eight too OP, it's okay.

Seriously though, I'd be reconsidering the friendship.

SwoopTheJackpot Sun 24-Mar-19 15:04:44

What is the secret? At least you know you can't trust her again.

SleepingSloth Sun 24-Mar-19 15:07:09

Tell her that you are disappointed that she's done it.
Either end the friendship or accept that she's not as good a friend as you thought and never tell her anything like this again.

commentson Sun 24-Mar-19 15:07:32

To clarify as I’m being so vague... and it does make a difference to advice! DD has a mental health issue that we have kept from our other children. The friends DD has told my DS.

eightoclock Sun 24-Mar-19 15:07:46

Once you've told someone, it's not a secret. If you want to share something private about your family, pick someone who doesn't know any of them so they can't accidentally let it slip. Unless something short term like pregnancy that it doesn't matter if it eventually comes out

SwoopTheJackpot Sun 24-Mar-19 15:08:50

Sorry X post.

Mookatron Sun 24-Mar-19 15:09:09

I would be having a long, honest chat with my DS in which I promised him he would never find out something about himself from someone outside the family again. Then I would ditch the friend - but I really would have a go at her first.

megrichardson Sun 24-Mar-19 15:10:38

You're going to have to explain it properly to your child now I suppose, and what others have said: don't tell your friend any secrets again.
As an aside - it's amazing what children pick up from adults when you think the kids are not listening. I remember when I was a child, all us kids in the area knew this other kid was adopted, everyone knew but her.

Ohmygoodness101 Sun 24-Mar-19 15:10:44

My first priority would be to speak to your DD. It’s important that you tell her anything she needs to know.

Then I’d deal with the friend.

StereophonicallyChallenged Sun 24-Mar-19 15:10:47

Ooh, that's pretty bad. Did your friend tell her dd on purpose? Did friend realise it was confidential when you told her?
I mean, did it slip out accidentally (possibly forgivable) or has she shared it to stir/gossip/Just because (unforgivable)

Mixedbags Sun 24-Mar-19 15:12:26

I would establish the facts first (how person found out) if possible and then decide whether to have a quiet word with said friend and tell them how upset you have been or allude to then that your son has been told via their link and how did this happen?

commentson Sun 24-Mar-19 15:13:22

I don’t think it was malicious, I think she’s just far more open with her conversations at home than I thought. I feel so let down as I only told her as I thought she could help.

Userplusnumbers Sun 24-Mar-19 15:14:09

Yes poor behaviour on your friends part - but, I think you probably need to address the fact that you actually broke your DDs confidence first - which actually enabled this situation. Why is what your friend did any worse than what you did? Especially as it seems her DD only overheard, rather than having been told directly?

Bluntness100 Sun 24-Mar-19 15:15:36

This is difficult, did you ask her to ensure her child didn't find out? I suspect you also have broken a confidence, that of your daughters, as it's unclear if she would be happy with you telling your friend about her private medical matters,

RedHelenB Sun 24-Mar-19 15:16:25

Did your friend know it was a secret?

SwoopTheJackpot Sun 24-Mar-19 15:16:38

I would be upset if a friend betrayed my confidence regarding this specific secret. YANBU.

PineapplePatty Sun 24-Mar-19 15:17:03

I don't think secrets within a family are ever a good thing, but she shouldn't have been spreading it about.

YouSayRisottoIsayRisotto Sun 24-Mar-19 15:19:01

What she did was wrong.
But maybe not as wrong as you betraying your child's confidence in the first place. There must have been a non involved adult you coukd have spoken to instead.

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