To still feel angry at my dad for this?(8 Posts)
Probably am unreasonable.
Both my parents used physical punishment. Ok, it was a sign of the times. But my dad used to do it in public. As such other kids used to tell him I’d done X just for the ‘lols’ as theyd see me get in trouble.
I still sort of hate him for it.
Have you spoken to him about it OP? Maybe asking him why he thought that was acceptable? He may see it as "normal" and not an issue. Maybe an apology from him would make things a bit better.
I understand where you are coming from, my dad used physical punishment against me, was once but it was really bad, to the point when he came home i would sit upstairs and wait until he was asleep to have my dinner. Was never comfortable in the same room as him. Never understood why he had to be so physical
My mother battered seven shades of sh*te out of me for I'd say, the first 5 or 6 years of my life (looking back, I think she probably had post natal depression or something). It was bang out of order, I'd get a smacking for so much as being in the room if she felt like it xD but I don't hold it against her. What I did for a long time though, was when she would do it in public, especially pulling down my trousers to smack my bottom. I think parents should be fully allowed to smack their kids when and as they see fit, but not to embarrass them like that (to be fair, we probably embarrassed them in many ways...but we were kids...). So I fully get why you hold it against him. I love my mum and know she did what she thought was right in her own way as she was probably going through some shit...so I've long since forgiven...but if I thought she was still a total dick, I'd probably hate her too. So I'd base forgiveness on that, is he still an arse or not? xD
If we started to act up when we were out shopping with my mother she would say, "Do you want me to pull down your pants?" (This was in the 70's.) I don't remember, but I am sure she did it on occasion, we knew it was not an idle threat. Violence and humiliation kept us in line. She hit us regularly with her hand and a wooden spoon at home. The last time she hit me was when I was 16, she slapped my face, so I slapped her back. My father never hit us, he was kind and gentle. Both my sibling and I have always had a very difficult relationship with my mother, she did not respect us when we were children and I think she still sees us as her possessions rather than people. We both adore my father. I understand why you feel the way you do about your father, I feel the same way about my mother.
My DF smacked me and hit me with wooden spoons but the abuse that actually caused lasting trauma was telling me I should kill myself (I was 10) before eventually throwing me out the house age 12. He never made contact again. Nice guy!
Your DF may not have been perfect but was he a good dad otherwise? What's your relationship like now?
It's probably harmful for you to keep hold of this anger, if it affects you. Better sometimes to see things in context, forgive and let go. Easier said than done, though.
She hit us regularly with her hand and a wooden spoon at home
Me too, what the hell was it with their bloody wooden spoons?! I won't have one in the house now.
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