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To think I'm in a dead end marriage

(4 Posts)
BirdWithoutWings Sun 24-Mar-19 14:35:20

I've been trying to ignore it and distract myself but I think my DH and I are now only together because at a purely practical level it suits us both.

I'm a SAHM, kids in P2 & P5, weekdays used to be busy with preschool kids but less so now. DH and I lead separate lives, he goes cycling every weekend for 5/6 hrs alone for 1 of the days, I go running. Almost everything we do at the weekend is arranged around meeting up with other friends/family. Midweek we sit in separate parts of the house watching TV/reading/Dozing (DH) and it's all become deeply unfulfilling.

He's a good provider, not at all abusive, good dad. Similarly, I'm a good wife, house clean, dinners cooked, kids nurtured but since DD went to school I've been struggling with this feeling that my friends have more - loving marriages, time spent together doing stuff, companionship etc.

I'm just so underwhelmed by what my life has become. I've tried to raise it and while we manage to make an effort and a difference to how we engage together it's always short lived and within a few weekends it's back to usual.

As a SAHM for 10yrs+ I've got no real prospect of finding work that would financially allow me and my DCs to live independently

I'm honestly at a loss and anxious that if this is irreparable I'm stuck.

RandomMess Sun 24-Mar-19 14:46:10

Seriously book some marriage counselling with DH and ask what you can both do to make your marriage happier and more fulfilling for both of you!

It's a cost worth investing. It is so easy to drift apart and it's worth trying to improve things.

If it doesn't work out then you know hand on heart that it was truly over.

Perhaps some of it is because you've lost yourself whilst being a SAHM and you've both stopped making time and putting the effort in for each other?

Purpleartichoke Sun 24-Mar-19 15:11:47

Marriages with young children often lack the passion of the pre-child days. That doesn’t mean you need to divorce. A decent partner is extremely valuable. If you want a better romantic partner right now, then I would definitely look for counseling. A good counselor can help you reconnect.

If you are thinking about leaving, it’s time to stop being a SAHM. Get yourself into the workforce now while you have another parent around and financial security. That way if you do leave it won’t be as hard.

IdaBWells Sun 24-Mar-19 15:14:21

I definitely wouldn't be thinking of divorce yet as you have much that is positive to go on. As well as marriage counseling (or maybe just talking honestly to your husband about what you want?) I would join the working world.

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