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To be pissed off about my goat curry?

(90 Posts)
Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 11:04:25

In laws are visiting. We live abroad.

On Thursday and Friday, I made several trips to various shops to buy ingredients for a Thai massaman mutton (goat) curry, which is one of DH’s favourite dishes and something I know his parents eat (they’re Asian). Spent a long time pounding spices, doing curry paste, trimming and marinating the meat last night. Everyone knew I was making goat curry for dinner tonight. It’s a slow dish and takes hours to cook.

Today I spent the whole day driving DD to a birthday party and back. Came home at 4pm and immediately started cooking.

While I was ferrying DD around, DH, in laws and DS had lunch and pigged out at an all you can eat buffet.

At 6pm, everyone announced they had eaten too much at lunch and they don’t want any dinner.

AIBU to think this is quite rude considering they all knew what the plan was for tonight? I’m still cooking it, we can have it reheated tomorrow night, but it won’t be as nice reheated.

Disclaimer: I know this isn’t the biggest problem in the world. I’m just curious to know if others also think it’s inconsiderate, or am I being too sensitive (AF and easily irritated).

StrawberrySquash Sun 24-Mar-19 13:35:38

I would find this massively frustrating if they knew. Yes, it's rude.
My only mitigating circumstances question would be are they the sort of people who also spend time, money and evergy doing what you did in making the curry? Do they understand why you are then invested in it? I love to entertain and put the effort in. Not everyone does and I have learnt that sometimes people don't get that. And it's easy to forget as the guest.
Still rude though.

Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 14:31:53

Oh no, they both cook a lot and they know how much effort is involved. And they were there while I was doing the curry paste and prepping the meat, so they knew all about it.

Maybe they prefer reheated curry 😁

Ninkaninus Sun 24-Mar-19 14:39:57

Well in that case they were all equally rude and thoughtless.

I’d ask them all every day from now on, shall I bother to cook for everyone or are you just going to fuck off out to stuff yourselves?

I really would...

Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 14:54:49

@Ninkaninus, I think this would play straight into MIL’s hand. She LOVES behind miserable. Rolls into her own misery any chance she gets. She’d be able to go home and tell everyone I didn’t look after them at all. Then refuse to visit for years, cutting her nose to spite her face. She secretly loves it here, but it would kill her to admit it. Bless her.

I’d much rather not show I’m annoyed, and act all breezy about it. I bet it drives her nuts.

And yes, I know this sounds insane.

diddl Sun 24-Mar-19 15:06:09

" She’d be able to go home and tell everyone I didn’t look after them at all. Then refuse to visit for years,"

It's expected that they are looked after then-& by you not their son?

Would you care if they didn't visit for years?

They're sounder ruder with each post!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 24-Mar-19 15:22:27

That would give me the rage OP. What were they thinking?

Ninkaninus Sun 24-Mar-19 15:23:34

I think I’d be quite happy if I didn’t have to see her for years, she sounds challenging. Can’t abide people like that.

Changes things a bit though.

I’d go overboard cooking lovely things and if everyone else doesn’t fancy it I’d sit myself down, set a nice place with a candle and some flowers and a glass of wine, and really enjoy it. Make sure to say every two minutes, are you sure you don’t want any? Such a shame, it’s lovely, goodness me it’s nice to sit and relax and enjoy this, etc etc.

Sweetness and light and breeziness is definitely the right way to go!

Your DH needs to man up though. He doesn’t need to play into the stupid and irritating narrative!

Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 15:26:41

@diddl, I would care for my children. My parents are dead, and I want my kids to have some relationship with their remaining GPs.

Yes MIL is very rude, I could make a long list of rude things she’s said to me, including telling me I looked awful on my wedding day, berating me for flying while pregnant to be at my father’s bedside when he was dying, etc.

DH has a very distant relationship with his parents, but he is an only son and family is important. I don’t want to go through life feeling eternally offended.

iLs are also extremely generous, they love their grandchildren, and I know deep down they don’t hate me or act out of spite; they just don’t always show good manners. We all have flaws.

altiara Sun 24-Mar-19 15:30:08

I’d freeze the curry and save it for another time!

Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 15:31:47

Posted too soon! What I mean is that they’re socially awkward. It’s difficult to explain, and part of it is a matter of cultural barrier. They have also been through a lot (war, political upheaval, caste issues etc). I think MIL has a very strong martyr complex and is emotionally stunted. She’s also an elderly and frail lady who has achieved fantastic things in her life. I’m not going to change her now.

Manikoutai Sun 24-Mar-19 15:34:42

Although I wish they would have at least said ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ after my mother passed away a few months ago. 🤨

TanselleTooTall Sun 24-Mar-19 15:37:07

You sound very patieny and forgiving. flowers

PCohle Sun 24-Mar-19 15:42:00

You sound lovely OP.

I will channel your patience next time my MIL is annoying me.

diddl Sun 24-Mar-19 15:47:17

Tbh if MIL is rude & your husband distant with them I wouldn't be breaking myself to keep the relationship going.

If he is distant with the then is family only important as far as appearances go?

JessieMcJessie Sun 24-Mar-19 16:43:11

Gosh, their lack of care for you and your losses is horrible. I’d have expected more compassion from a culture that values family highly, but presumably the flying while pregnant objection was that you were “endangering” their blood grandchild, who took precedence over your own father. My parents are both dead too and I have a young DS so I empathise with your wish for your DC to have grandparents on the scene. Sorry for your losses.

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