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New guy didn't tell me this

(205 Posts)
Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:33:08

Okay this might sound like a non issue but it's affecting me right now and I just need quick replies.

I have social anxiety, quite bad. Meeting new people is a struggle.

Been dating new guy for 3 weeks, he's aware of social anxiety. When dating people it takes a lot to meet family and friends.

Meeting new guy tonight at the pub, he meets me at the station we get to the pub and his friend is there. Its so awkward, can't remember the last time I felt that awkward also there was no warning, it took 2 hours to travel to him and I'm staying for the night, just thought we were going for a low ley drink, had no idea. Also more people are due to turn up. He's wondering why I'm so quiet. I'm in the toilets crying which I know is so pathetic, please just talk me out of feeling this way and go back out there

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:34:27

He was hanging out with his friend prior to us meeting and knew we were all going guy I hang out but never told me about it even though they were hanging out while I was on the way

bechdel Sat 23-Mar-19 19:36:44

Oh dear, that does sound awkward. I'd probably go home blush

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:38:23

He's said we can go back to his and I think that's what we are doing but I feel sk anxious right now, it's just the fact he didn't tell me I'm upset about

DeepDarkWoods Sat 23-Mar-19 19:38:34

Maybe just try talking to him on his own.
Or you can go home if you want to?

Miljah Sat 23-Mar-19 19:39:11

"He was hanging out with his friend prior to us meeting and knew we were all going guy I hang out but never told me about it even though they were hanging out while I was on the way"

I'm sorry, but you'll have to punctuate this. I can't make heads nor tails of it!

Inliverpool1 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:39:12

I too would head home, he doesn’t get it. Talk to him tomorrow

Joopy Sat 23-Mar-19 19:40:04

You can do this! These people want to like you as they like your boyfriend. Ask them how they know your boyfriend, what he was like at school/work/uni. Be honest with your boyfriend that you're finding it overwhelming though. Text him now!

Tunnockswafer Sat 23-Mar-19 19:40:51

You told him you had anxiety but did he understand what that meant? Is he otherwise “a keeper” or do you think he’s not that special, in which case you could just go? If he’s two hours away that’s not convenient for a relationship, is it?
Sometimes when people bring other people it’s because they feel quite anxious and like to surround themselves with others.

Samind Sat 23-Mar-19 19:41:08

Have a drink and relax yourself. See how you feel after that. I don't like meeting new people either and find it really awkward to. Like the world's ended. Mines has gotten loads better though. Feel for you OP. Hard to force yourself but sometimes you have it given the circumstances.

Villanellesproudmum Sat 23-Mar-19 19:41:13

Not good he certainly should have given you a heads up, I think you can find out a lot about someone by how they interact with other people if you haven’t known him long it could help you know a bit more about him, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:41:49

Sorry I was crying so didn't make sense. They were at the pub before I arrived, but he didn't tell me, didn't warn me I'd be meeting his best mate for the first time. I wish I didn't struggle this much with social anxiety but I do and it was hard because it was unexpected

lifebegins50 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:42:01

Were you staying over for the first time I.e sleeping together?

I would go home, meeting lots of new people needs some intros and I think he isn't caring about your needs.

Go home, don't stay as it is not worth it.

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:43:03

We've gone back to his but is still feel sk anxious, I'm in the toilet now don't know what to do

Miljah Sat 23-Mar-19 19:43:23

Have you met this person in RL before or is this the first date?

Tunnockswafer Sat 23-Mar-19 19:43:36

Yes check out what his friends are like! If you do make it through the evening think how strong you’ll feel after

Samind Sat 23-Mar-19 19:43:41

I know how you feel too. Was with dp when we first started going out and I was over with him and he then informed me I was meeting his parents within half hour of arriving . I could of died. Think it's hard for people to understand at times too. Don't think he would of done it on purpose. I imagine it's a really good friend and someone he thought you'd feel comfortable around

Miljah Sat 23-Mar-19 19:44:04

So, I'd imagine, not 'first ever meeting', given that your at his place?

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:44:44

No this is our 5th date but no warning!!

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 23-Mar-19 19:44:51

Can you tell him about your social anxiety and that surprising you with a group of friends is exactly the sort of thing that you struggle with. Which is why you're feeling anxious now. Will he understand?

Have you stayed over with him before tonight?

Miljah Sat 23-Mar-19 19:45:05

Are you getting any help with this?

It sounds exhausting!

Halo84 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:45:54

He is a man. Most are not particularly sensitive. In your shoes, I would tell him, when you are alone, in a low key manner, that you struggle meeting new people, so prefer time to prepare for such interactions.

I doubt he realizes how difficult this is for you.

Dramallamaaaa Sat 23-Mar-19 19:46:33

I've stayed here before once, just was not expecting this feel terrible for staying in his toilet for so long crying, need to go back out there but currently feel so anxious

Decormad38 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:46:54

Well maybe you wouldn’t have come if he had warned you! When is it going to be a good time?

Miljah Sat 23-Mar-19 19:47:21

To be fair, I would not necessarily conflate' I feel anxious around new people' with anything other than 'shy'.

I don't necessarily think that if someone told me that, I would be wrong to have my best mate along, plus maybe a couple of others, as long as I paid attention to you.

I'm sorry this anxiety is limiting your life to this degree.

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