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To be really upset by this woman

(84 Posts)
Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 19:13:47

I'm on a weekend break at the moment with DH and Ddog, before our baby arrives in June.
DH had gone in to the onsite shop to get some bits for tea whilst I waited outside with Ddog. A woman came out of the clubhouse with two drinks and asked me to watch them whilst she went and bought a lighter.

When she came out she asked how old Ddog was and said that he had to give her dog away when she had her first baby because it got jealous and nasty, and was sorry to tell me this but 'that's just how it goes'. She didn't hear me tell her that I teach at dog training twice a week and that a good friend is a full time trainer. Ddog loves kids and has been very snuggly with me through pregnancy. So many people have felt the need to tell me I'll have to rehome him, despite the fact he is fantastic with children and babies.

Then she asked me when I was due. When I told her June, she started going on 'oh you're really small for June' (first time anyone hasn't called me huge and asked if I am having twins) 'is there anything wrong with baby, is she measuring ok, well as long as you think she is healthy'

I got distracted by people coming to fuss ddog whilst she carried on talking about if my baby would be healthy or not and then walked off. This woman is a total stranger. Little does she know that we did actually receive a high risk of DS (got the all clear) and do have to have growth scans because of this, but at all of my appointments they have said everything looks fine and baby is currently growing along at the most average rate.

Anyway, I've got back to the caravan and cried my eyes out. DH has told me not to pay attention as the woman (we aren't normally so judgy) had no teeth and was sitting outside smoking drinking two pints, so shouldn't be speaking to me about health. He also said to totally ignore her about ddog (who I love dearly) as she probably doesn't actually know anything about dog behaviour.

But I can't shake how upset I am!! What makes people think they have a right to say anything that pops in their head upon seeing a baby bump?

EcclesThePeacock Sat 23-Mar-19 19:26:05

thanks sorry you met this stupid, unpleasant person.
But try to take your DHs advice.

We had a dog before DD, and he was absolutely fine - and it sounds like you know more about dog behaviour than most. And you know your baby is growing nicely.

brewcake

formerbabe Sat 23-Mar-19 19:27:23

People talk shit sometimes. Totally forget about it and get on with enjoying your weekend. Fwiw, when I was pregnant a woman asked me if I knew the sex...I told her I was expecting a boy and the response was a sympathetic nod and then she said "oh well, boys are nice too" confused

Honestly, people are odd!

Dyingforchocolate Sat 23-Mar-19 19:29:45

Sorry your upset op flowers
I hate how when you are pregnant that everyone things they have the right to just say whatever they are thinking. I got so fed up of people telling me how big I was, and asking if it was twins etc. You would never walk up to someone not pregnant in the street and mention their size so I don't know why people think it's ok to do it when you are pregnant. And I have a really grumpy dog who is fab with dd, so don't listen to her I'm sure it'll be fine.

HarrysOwl Sat 23-Mar-19 19:29:54

URG what a horrible experience.

Don't waste any more upset over this woman - her experience is likely not to be yours, and she was insensitive to mention anything about the health of your baby, maybe she meant well is all I can assume. But insensitive all the same.

But flowers for you, relax and enjoy your weekend.

Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 19:41:06

Thanks all. People are infuriating. Now I'm sat wishing I'd said something rather than just walking off! But that wouldn't have done me any good either.

You would never walk up to someone not pregnant in the street and mention their size so I don't know why people think it's ok to do it when you are pregnant.

I know what you mean, everyone keeps coming and patting my belly and saying how huge I am. I've said to DH the next person that does it will be having it done back to them - but nobody has done it for about three weeks now! But to tell a pregnant person that they are too small is just bizarre. I said to DH, what would she even said if I said no we have xx problem but thanks for bringing it up.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Sat 23-Mar-19 19:42:49

You met the villiage idiot!

RubyBoots7 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:43:38

This will be the first of many many occasions where you will receive unsolicited criticism or judgement about something associated with parenting. What you were doing will have been absolutely fine. I think you have to eye roll and crack on as you were. Also out of hundreds of people I know with dogs who had children only one rehomed the dog and that was about 25 years ago. Dogs are wonderful little companions for kids and teach them so much. Obviously you'll supervise them when they're together. And it sounds like you have more experience than the average person about dog handling and behaviour.

I'm not sure what it's about this opinions bollocks. I mean you wouldn't walk up to an adult and tell them they were a bit fat and should probably have ordered salad rather than chips. But it's acceptable apparently to make such comments to a person about their unborn baby or they child. it doesn't get better once you have the baby!

Orchidflower1 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:44:39

Take no notice of the unkind stranger. Enjoy the rest of your break.

ReggieWoo Sat 23-Mar-19 19:48:50

Take no notice.

Also for future reference, just because someone talks to you and asks questions doesn't mean you have to reply.

flumposie Sat 23-Mar-19 19:49:25

Ignore her. Just rude angry

MynameisJune Sat 23-Mar-19 19:49:58

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

We had 2 dogs before DD was born, both over 10 and had been with us since puppies so used to lots of attention. One was also a super protective collie, people including MIL told me how I’d have to re-home them. They’d never take to a baby etc. Needless to say, they were fine. Adjusted really well and never, ever once even growled at DD. The super protective collie would lay there and let baby DD crawl all over him (we used to stop her). He passed away last year, and I miss him like crazy. We still have our other dog and I’m due DD2 in May. Ddog is nearly 14 now, and I have no qualms about her with this baby.

As long as you’re a decent, vigilant owner you’ll have no issues.

Also I’ve had people tell me I’m massive and people tell me I’m small and neat. It’s just something people say.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing Sat 23-Mar-19 19:49:59

Unfortunately comments like this often come with the territory of parenthood, suddenly everyone has an opinion on how you should parent. Don’t give it another thought, she was speaking absolute rubbish.

FWIW I have two dogs and they are the best of friends with my DD. She grins the biggest of grins everytime she sees them and loves running round the back garden with her ‘brothers’. I am sure your dog will be absolutely fine with your new addition.

Greyhound22 Sat 23-Mar-19 19:53:08

I've come to the conclusion that some people are just so insecure that they have to try to upset other people to make themselves feel better.

My DDog was fine with baby. Never as much as a growl. DS is now 4 and they're the best of friends. Yours will be fine especially as you are such an experienced owner and I'm sure the medical professionals know a touch more about your baby's health than this twerp.

Unfortunately people completely lose their filter when they see a pregnant woman and it just happens to be the time you're at your most sensitive so it's not a good combo.

Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 19:55:55

Also for future reference, just because someone talks to you and asks questions doesn't mean you have to reply.

I barely did, she just waffled on, the only answer I really graced her with was when baby is due and how old ddog was - which to me were normal questions that I didn't expect her to go off the rails with

Also out of hundreds of people I know with dogs who had children only one rehomed the dog and that was about 25 years ago.

I actually just said this to DH. I know a lot of people that have dogs and children, and not one has had to rehome their dog!

I mean you wouldn't walk up to an adult and tell them they were a bit fat and should probably have ordered salad rather than chips. But it's acceptable apparently to make such comments to a person about their unborn baby or they child. it doesn't get better once you have the baby!

Exactly!! It's down right rude. People have also said to me 'no wonder you're getting a belly' if they see me eating a cake...when they know that I am in my third trimester of pregnancy, so that might have something more to do with it. I've actually not gained in excess since being pregnant, but if I had, it's nobodies business!

screamifyouwant Sat 23-Mar-19 19:58:48

As my mum told me if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say anything at all . Unfortunately a lot of people like to give opinions even thought you did not ask for it nor is it true, it's not very nice and quite frankly she should take a look at herself before giving opinions out .

justthecat Sat 23-Mar-19 20:00:32

I second you met the village idiot, forget about her and enjoy your break

starsparkle08 Sat 23-Mar-19 20:03:27

Please ignore this woman and try and wipe from your memory , sounds like she has her own deep rooted issues . These are not your worries , don’t let her words grind you down xx

weareallfuckednow Sat 23-Mar-19 20:04:04

She's full of shit.
Forget her... silly woman!
Focus on you and your wee family, dog included lol

bowchicawowwow Sat 23-Mar-19 20:06:14

You meet some funny people on campsites. Ignore her x

MissClareRemembers Sat 23-Mar-19 20:07:20

People can be unspeakably rude and thoughtless at times and they seem to ramp it up when a pregnant woman homes into view. Then once you have the baby you will receive endless advice, criticism and judgement.

It sucks.

Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 20:09:24

Thank you everyone. It's times like this I live being able to come on AIBU. Sat here telling DH to join mumsnet grin not likely but I think he appreciates the fact it stops me being in a mood all night because of one ignorant person!

FrozenMargarita17 Sat 23-Mar-19 20:09:32

Don't worry about it op, ignore people like that. I was on my hen do and a random lady outside a restaurant told me not to get married, it was the worst thing anyone could do and it'll destroy me!

Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 20:20:39

Don't worry about it op, ignore people like that. I was on my hen do and a random lady outside a restaurant told me not to get married, it was the worst thing anyone could do and it'll destroy me!

I had so much of that! "Getting married was the biggest mistake I ever made, but if it's really one you want to put yourself through..."

Drum2018 Sat 23-Mar-19 20:20:50

It's a pain when people catch you off guard like that. She hasn't an ounce of cop on. Don't heed anything she said.

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