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Too mean and passive-aggressive?

(42 Posts)
6amDanceParty Sat 23-Mar-19 03:40:07

34 weeks pregnant with kidney stones and SPD; I'm in a lot of pain. Husband knows this. Decides to go out with (our) friends for the evening, leaving me to look after our toddler by myself.

Anyway, several hours after asking me how I am and then not bothering to reply to me telling him how awful I was feeling, he comes back at about 2am. So drunk he can't figure out how to open his own fucking front door. Has loud phone calls on speaker phone until I tell him to shut up. He's woken the toddler but was too drunk to either notice or do anything about it. He's also covered the downstairs wc in vomit and is now snoring hugging the upstairs toilet (also covered in vomit). I need to pee every 90 minutes through the night at the moment and am not best pleased at now being forced to go up and down the stairs all night to use the cold, vommy downstairs loo. I'm hangry because I've not eaten in 12 hours due to the pain. I'm tired because he's woken me up and now I can't get back to sleep because pregnancy.

Would I be unreasonable to have a nice loud baby shark dance party with our toddler as soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning? I can guarantee it won't disturb the neighbours - just the guy in the bathroom with what promises to be an absolutely horrific hangover. There's also some vacuuming that needs doing on the landing. grin

steff13 Sat 23-Mar-19 03:48:40

I'd be livid. I don't understand people getting that drunk. You would not be unreasonable to wake him up, make him clean it up, and have the baby shark party. Really, I would struggle to find my husband attractive after this.

Expressedways Sat 23-Mar-19 03:50:44

Blast out baby shark when the toddler wakes up and then leave your DH in charge whilst you go back to bed. YWBU to even consider hoovering under the circumstances, I hope you are implying that your DH will have to do it hungover. Also make him clean both bathrooms since he’s puked everywhere grin

burritofan Sat 23-Mar-19 03:51:25

You'd not be unreasonable to kick him out tbh. Nor to wee in a bucket all night instead of using vom-loo, and add the bucket to his clean-up tasks in the morning. (Please tell me you're not going to clean this all up in the morning!)

WhiteDust Sat 23-Mar-19 03:57:37

I suppose you'll have to clean the downstairs loo so that you can use it during the night but leave everything else for him.
As for your DH... he sounds awful. He needs to grow up.

julensaor Sat 23-Mar-19 03:58:08

Can u get the duck out of dodge at like 6! But leave the toddler there and wake him to tell him so; just disappear yourself until Monday afternoon

goodolddaze Sat 23-Mar-19 04:01:55

Can’t believe how many DHs go out and come back so drunk they’re spewing. I’d be disgusted.

steff13 Sat 23-Mar-19 04:03:10

Especially when OP is so sick herself and there's another child to look after.

Boulshired Sat 23-Mar-19 04:06:29

Sod the shark dance, he has got himself that pissed because he can. He knows you are unwell and yet knows you well pick up the pieces tomorrow caring for your child.

CaseofEllen Sat 23-Mar-19 04:07:19

Oh dear OP! I'd be annoyed he'd even gone out and left me with toddler for the evening if I felt as poorly as you at 34 weeks pregnant. To come home that drunk and puke everywhere is just hmm have the dance party as early as possible and then go back to bed!

ohfourfoxache Sat 23-Mar-19 05:51:26

Don’t you have to go out on a really important errand as soon as you wake up? One that you couldn’t possibly take a child with you?

I joke of course - the only place you should be going is back to bed after peeing. And don’t you dare lift a finger to clean up after him.

Kaleela Sat 23-Mar-19 05:54:28

This would be one of those rare occasions where I would throw a bucket if water on the tosser and tell him to go clean up his mess AT A MINIMUM

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 23-Mar-19 06:01:04

Came to say I genuinely, genuinely would chuck water on his head and tell him to bloody well get up and clean up his mess; its inconsiderate and honestly embarrassing to be a grown adult and not able to demonstrate basic restraint with alcohol, especially when you have someone else at home with you to consider such as this. I'd be very pissed off and disappointed, and no way on gods green earth would I clean up a grown adults vomit as a result of drinking - he'd have to do it in the morning.Sorry about your shit night OP, sounds like all you need flowers

BertrandRussell Sat 23-Mar-19 06:19:09

Bucket of water. Don’t clean anything. His job.

FurrySlipperBoots Sat 23-Mar-19 06:30:50

When's his 21st birthday? Maybe he'll have grown into his responsibilities by then!

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 23-Mar-19 06:33:36

YANBU Before clearing anything up downstairs, make sure you take photos of the loos and him. Like the idea of throwing water on him.

Climbingahoneytree Sat 23-Mar-19 06:37:46

If my grandad were alive, he would be telling you to pee using the loo he is hugging and accidentally get a bit of splash back on his face.

YANBU. Your DH is being a prick.

Snog Sat 23-Mar-19 06:42:46

I'm fine with DH going out but not with dealing with the next day hungover.

Don't make today easy for him. He needs to help you so you can rest. You will deffo need a nap to catch up from a disturbed night. He needs to clean bathrooms, entertain kids and cook for you as an absolute minimum. If today is really tough for him he might think twice about being hungover again.

pictish Sat 23-Mar-19 06:46:23

Well he’ll have a lot cleaning up to do today. I’d not be upset over him going out for the night but I sure as hell wouldn’t be mopping up after him.

HarrysOwl Sat 23-Mar-19 06:47:48

What the hell?

Going out with friends leaving you at home pregnant and poorly is a little bit hmm but then coming home at 2am blind drunk is such immature and selfish behaviour.

Sod Babyshark, go with Black Sabbath!

I hope he has a mountain of good characteristics and is otherwise a wonderful husband because he behaved like a dick.

Definitely get him to clean his mess.

Orchidflower1 Sat 23-Mar-19 06:49:24

Hope baby shark is booming out op! What snog said is spot on- no issue with going out it’s the lateness and the state he was in that’s not on. Today, tomorrow and the rest of the week need to be awful for him. He should have more respect for you and for himself.

allthingsred Sat 23-Mar-19 06:49:44

Make sure as soon as toddler awake they know daddy's looking after them.
Then take yourself off somewhere for the day where you can treat yourself.
I'd be livid.
When my OH has come home drunk in the past he has known he will have to be up at 6 the next morning with 3 little ones to pay for it.

justilou1 Sat 23-Mar-19 06:50:43

I hope toddler gets up EXTRA early, too. Bloody manchildren!!! My husband did that when we had a two year old and our twins were three weeks old. He hasn’t done it since. I left for two days and didn’t answer the phone.

AguerosAngel Sat 23-Mar-19 06:53:00

As Good said, I’m amazed at the amount of DH/DP’s of MNetters who go out and get so shitfaced that they throw up/pee themselves, it’s disgusting!

YWNBU to just leave him to it today OP, definitely a Baby Shark disco for the DC for Daddy to supervise. I’d be taking myself off to the nail bar/hairdressers for a pamper and leaving the horrible hog to it!

FrozenMargarita17 Sat 23-Mar-19 06:54:03

I would go with Rammstein for a morning playlist, actually smile)

Happygolucky009 Sat 23-Mar-19 06:54:22

I would get up early, ignore him and go out for the day. No good will come from sitting at home seething, he clearly isn't going to be good for anything today.

How often does he behave like this and is he safe to around? Are you safe?

Do your own thing with your child today and have a serious discussion tomorrow and consider whether you want a future with this man .

Di11y Sat 23-Mar-19 07:11:58

clearly your top priority is that both bathrooms are spotless in case toddler gets near them. so wake 'd'h and hand him a bottle of bleach as soon as toddler wakes.

Villageidiots Sat 23-Mar-19 07:16:16

What a selfish man. He should not have left you in that state anyway and getting so pissed is just unnecessary. Hopefully this was a one off?

6amDanceParty Sat 23-Mar-19 09:55:21

Thanks all. He genuinely is a great guy, a really good and attentive dad - he is just very easily convinced to have another drink, and the friends he was with are notorious for it. He almost never drinks, so believe me I wouldn't put up with this regularly - I think I've seen him sick from drink maybe 3 times in the 5 years we've been together.

I went for a different tactic in the end - after chucking the screaming toddler on top of him and getting no response (he's clearly still dead to the world), I called his mum. grin Double win because she will happily look after our toddler for the day so I can rest without feeling that he's being neglected, and her and FIL will mercilessly ridicule DH about this for years to come. I even took a video of him snoring collapsed over the toilet and have shared it with select people who will make him feel like a knob. grin

Stawp Sat 23-Mar-19 10:46:06

Why wait until he's awake for your baby shark party? Get the party started!

Happygolucky009 Sat 23-Mar-19 11:05:16

@6amdanceparty well done and enjoy the peace!

VampirateQueen Sat 23-Mar-19 11:35:21

Well done @6amDanceParty

Orchidflower1 Sat 23-Mar-19 11:44:27

Great plan op!!

Janedoughnut Sat 23-Mar-19 12:46:42

Please tell us you haven't cleaned up his vomit.

Expressedways Sat 23-Mar-19 12:58:13

Excellent update!

HarrysOwl Sat 23-Mar-19 13:00:35

Ooooh you play dirty! Well done!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 23-Mar-19 13:03:26

Good for MIL. Shame she brought up such a pillock.

6amDanceParty Sat 23-Mar-19 15:08:10

@Janedoughnut - I did not! (apart from wiping clean enough that I could sit down).

He knew he was in the doghouse and had made an effort to clean both toilets by the time I made it back from PIL's around midday (40-minute drive each way, and I hung around there for a bit to let him stew and enjoy the company).

Then I went to the hospital (which was my other reason for wanting to offload the toddler) and it turns out I have a bladder/kidney infection, which at least explains why I was feeling so shitty. Now I've got drugs and will hopefully be on the mend again! grin

DH has apologised for his behaviour - said he felt fine in the pub, but got steadily more trashed walking home (that phenomenon I'm well familiar with from my youth where you breathe in a lung full of fresh outside air and are immediately twice as drunk as you were before.) He claims he's "suffered enough" but I'm not convinced... I think he needs some more ridicule first. Plus, I'm making him do the DIY he promised to do today which involves a lot of bending down to the floor and loud hammering. I can see the regret echoing in his ears. grin

Thanks for the laughs and support, ladies! flowers

Orchidflower1 Mon 25-Mar-19 10:31:02

Good for you op! Get well soon and best wishes with the rest of your pregnancy 💐

Clutterbugsmum Mon 25-Mar-19 11:20:50

He knew he was in the doghouse and had made an effort to clean both toilets by the time I made it back from PIL's around midday well I hope you told him to make sure that both bathroom are cleaned properly.

Hope you feel better soon.

ChaosMoon Mon 25-Mar-19 12:02:59

@6amDanceParty you are brilliant. Ridicule is a most effective and enjoyable tool.

blackteasplease Mon 25-Mar-19 16:58:40

Well done OP. You seem to have a handle on things.

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