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To send this issue back to EXDH as he started it

(77 Posts)
jessicawessica Fri 22-Mar-19 23:35:14

Have had some good advice off MN in the last few days so hoping for some more.
DS1 turned 17 a couple of weeks ago. His Dad decided he "needed" to learn to drive and has arranged 10 driving lessons for him with a "mate".
He sent DS1 home with the form to apply for a licence to me. Said I could do it all online, "just needed to get passport style photos and a signature on the pics from reputable person".
I can't do it online as DS1 does not have a passport, so have to pay £43 to do it through the post.
Have to send in 2 forms of ID. Have birth cett....fine. EXDH says send in national insurance card. Don't have one, which leads to EXDH moaning that I must have it and have lost it or thrown it away. No, just not received one.
Have spent my day off at the library on the computer printing off app form for new national insurance number which will take 2 weeks to arrive by post. Then i can fill in driving licence form, add national insurance card and birth certificate, badger DS1 to get photos signed by busy teachers pay £43, post then wait.
All the time getting text messages from EXDH to get it sorted.
This was all his idea, DS1 not even that fussed, just doing it because EXDH wants it.
Who's going to buy the car?
Who's going to pay the insurance?
Who's going to pay the road tax?
I just want to give the app form back to EXDH and say "Your idea, you sort it".
But I just know he will twist it to make me look bad.

honeylulu Fri 22-Mar-19 23:39:15

Do it. Why do you care what he thinks of you? (He sounds like a right tool though. )

Singlenotsingle Fri 22-Mar-19 23:41:14

He's the father. He's equally responsible. Let him get on with it.

BlackeyedGruesome Fri 22-Mar-19 23:41:23

if your ds is old enough to drive he is old enough to sort the bloody forms himself by giving them back to ex to do

SandyY2K Fri 22-Mar-19 23:41:46


He should have sorted everything out as it's gift from him.

Who's actually paying for the provisional licence?

The NS number would have been sent to your DS just before he turned 16.

I'm sure you'd have to sort out a gift from you lock, stock and barrel. He should do the same and you need to start ignoring him giving you grief. Grey rock.

sackrifice Fri 22-Mar-19 23:42:24

Just stop.

Let him get the paperwork sorted, you are not his secretary.

jessicawessica Fri 22-Mar-19 23:42:56

I don't care what he thinks of me. But he will twist it to make me look bad with the DCs.
"Your mum can't be bothered to do this for you".....that kind of thing.

Whitelisbon Fri 22-Mar-19 23:43:11

You don't get national insurance cards any more, just a letter with the number on it.
I'd let exdh get on with it though, especially as ds isn't that bothered.

StrawberrySquash Fri 22-Mar-19 23:43:13

I'm pretty sure that I did the admin of applying for my own licence at 17. But I did want to learn. I say it's between him and his dad, long as you aren't obstructing anything.

sweeneytoddsrazor Fri 22-Mar-19 23:43:57

You dont get N. I cards anymore. You just get a letter with the number on.

Doobydoodah Fri 22-Mar-19 23:45:48

Two things. Why are you spending your day off printing forms for a 17 year old? If he's old enough to drive then he his capable of applying for his own licence and backing documents.

Two, ignore your ex. Who cares what he thinks?

This is not your job. Step away.

Barmaid101 Fri 22-Mar-19 23:50:51

Your son should be doing this. If he is incapable of sorting himself out to get his provisional then he is not ready to learn to drive.
The first my parents knew of me applying for my provisional 3 months before turning 17 was when I went to my dad with the cash and asking him to write a cheque to send off as I didn’t have a chequebook.

jessicawessica Fri 22-Mar-19 23:51:55

That's funny as I actually was his secretary during the marriage.
He has form for this though. Always "buying" the DCs bithday or xmas presents that end up with me having to sort them out.
EG: He got DS2 a paintball party thing. Great, but it was me that had to sort out all the invites, food, transport, actually being there on the day.
One year he took the DCs to Alton towers. Great, I thought., Then he gave me some free return tickets that had to be used up by a certain date. Every bloody week he asked DCs if I'd taken them......knowing full well I detest driving on the motorway which I couldn't avoid.
Even after we are divorced it seems he is intent on pissing me off.

jessicawessica Fri 22-Mar-19 23:56:24

DS1 won't do this for himself because he's not that bothered.
He is only going along with it because EXDH said "You're 17 so you MUST want to drive your own car" and getting texts from his dad saying "has your mum sorted this yet?".

Leeds2 Fri 22-Mar-19 23:58:31

I would get the forms filled out, give them to DS to give to his dad and tell DS that anything to do with driving is his dad's responsibility and expense, that you have helped by filling in the forms for him but it is up to dad to send them off with the relevant payment.

Ariela Fri 22-Mar-19 23:59:49

It's worth remembering that even if your DS1 passes his test he doesn't have to drive or own a car afterwards. I'd leave it to your EXHD to buy him the car (and insure & tax it), or for your son to get a job and pay for it.
However, if he does get a car it could be useful not having to play taxi.
My top tip is get your son to download the official theory app onto his phone and get him to play that constantly till he gets 100% every time before doing his theory test.

UnspiritualHome Sat 23-Mar-19 00:07:16

Does it matter if he tries to twist it? Your son presumably knows the truth.

SandyY2K Sat 23-Mar-19 00:07:39

Quite frankly if your DS isn't ready to learn...the money is best kept in account until he is.

10 lesson isn't enough to get him driving to test standard and unless your Ex is going to help him practice with his's a waste of money.

You need to start making him see his presents through.

He gives tickets to Alton towers...he takes them on his time.

He does this because you let him and will continue until you stand firm and stop allowing his gifts to cost you.

People like him take advantage only if you let them.

GreenTulips Sat 23-Mar-19 00:11:57

Not sure why you’ve picked up this baton!

DS isn’t bothered, so no need for you to get involved.

burgundyjumper Sat 23-Mar-19 00:23:37

He's treating you like a dogsbody office junior who does all the menial paperwork for him. Ruddy cheek. Tell him to do it his bloody self.

CheshireChat Sat 23-Mar-19 00:41:12

I'd just text 'seeing as getting DS driving lessons ASAP was your idea, I'll leave all the admin to you'.

Monty27 Sat 23-Mar-19 00:46:41

You should have printed off the forms at most and sent them back to wanker exdh to sort.

CheshireChat Sat 23-Mar-19 00:52:51

I'd also tell your DS that his dad was badgering you so you've left it for him to sort out. Just make it clear it's not your DS's fault or anything.

JustTwoMoreSecs Sat 23-Mar-19 01:00:30

Your DC is old enough not to blame you if you say EX has to sort it.

Monty27 Sat 23-Mar-19 01:01:50

^ exactly that

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