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To ask how you got better?

(29 Posts)
TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 18:41:13

Not really AIBU...but posting for traffic.

I'm really struggling with my mental health lately. I'd like to know, if you've been through the same, how you got better? Or rather, how you stay well?

Sometimes it feels like I'm just sliding down no matter what I do, and I don't know how to get out of the spiral.

olderthanyouthink Fri 22-Mar-19 18:49:43

A) antidepressants. They gave me a chance to drag my shelf out of a hole

B) get out. Having regular things to do was important, especially as I didn't really have friends, regular exercise classes were good, running gave me clear head space and buying flowers at a market (flowers make me happy and they need replacing so I had to go out to get more)

I'm off ADs now but I'm still working hard on getting out (maternity leave atm, I feel worse when I've been indoors for days)

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 18:56:33

Thank you @olderthanyouthink

I am struggling with ADs as almost every one I've tried makes my jaw shake uncontrollably.

The advice about getting out, I need to work on that too. I'm a freelancer and some weeks I can go for days without seeing or talking to anyone other than my husband and 3 year old. It can feel terribly isolating.

delilahbucket Fri 22-Mar-19 19:00:04

I had no luck with antidepressants. I took up running. I also changed some of the things I had control over that were making me feel worse about myself. I can't run anymore due to injury but as ongoing maintenance, so's to speak, I make sure I get out and be sociable, and have hobbies that make me leave the house.

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:03:12

@delilahbucket

Exercise has definitely helped me in the past. I need to give myself a kick up the bum there and get myself to the gym.

Thank you smile

Chickpea99 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:11:03

Working from home doesn’t really help, does it?
I think getting out if the home is the keyword, but tbh I’m still trying to figure it out myself as I’m in similar situation.
I’m WFH almost a year and my hubby works away during the week, so most weekdays my only communication is ‘Hello’ to the cashier at shop.

Moominfan Fri 22-Mar-19 19:12:36

Routine, structure, knowing my triggers.

Diary
Read books
Gym 3 times a week, I need the serotonin
Out with toddler every day without fail
Yoga
Max two coffees a day never on an empty stomach
No alcohol/ drugs

Februaryblooms Fri 22-Mar-19 19:12:49

Getting out the house regularly helped me, I've noticed myself slipping back lately which coincides with being stuck indoors again. I'm going to make more of an effort to get out again.

I can totally relate to going days without any interaction that isn't my toddler or his dad, not that they're not lovely and all.

Also cleaning, as weird as it sounds. It helps me to feel like I've achieved something on days I can't bring myself to go out

I've never tried AD's up until now, I might have to If I get particularly bad again after DD arrives next month.

I hope you feel better soon

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:13:24

It is hard @Chickpea99

My OH works nights, so we get perhaps 7 hours a week together total on his weeks on.

I've tried to force myself to get out and work in coffee shops, etc. But even that can make me feel worse as I feel I'm surrounded by all these people with a life and I'm just in this little bubble.

Moominfan Fri 22-Mar-19 19:15:23

Also I wouldn't say all the above fixes my mental health. They maintain it. I would not hesitate to take medication if needed. I'll do whatever I need to be healthy and that differs for everyone. I see my mental health as an ongoing, if I deviate it declines

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:18:24

Thank you @Moominfan

I think routine suits me too. I don't do well with change or uncertainty.

@Februaryblooms

Thank you very much. Congratulations on the soon to be new addition to the family.

I find cleaning a great stress reliever, but when I'm really spiralling and my motivation is at an all time low I find it difficult to get started. Much like exercise.

It's hard to know how much to give yourself a break and how much you should push yourself. I try to be kind to myself but I've got such high standards for myself that I either go headfirst or end up paralysed.

Slidex Fri 22-Mar-19 19:20:57

Elefriends worked wonders for me. Non judgmental platform where you can talk to like minded people. Wishing you all the best smile

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:23:20

Thank you @Slidex

I've never heard of it, will check it out!

Lily715 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:27:17

Antidepressants - finding the right one for me.
Being honest with close family and friends. It took me years but I used to cancel plans sometimes at the last minute because I was too anxious/down to go but now I tell them how I'm feeling.
Podcasts and books about mental health.
Better work life balance.
Every day, get up get washed and go out. Even if its just a walk around the block.
And therapy. Again, so important to find the right one for you.
Hope you feel better soon flowers

GrouchyKiwi Fri 22-Mar-19 19:27:46

Antidepressants and counselling. Finding the perfect counsellor was kind of a miracle. She was the fourth counsellor I had seen over my 17 years of depression and anxiety.

snoutandab0ut Fri 22-Mar-19 19:30:08

I was freelance and became incredibly depressed. Honestly, the thing that saved me was going back into full time work. Would that be an option for you?

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:31:33

@Lily715

Do you have any book/podcast recommendations?

Thanks for sharing your tips smile

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:35:26

@snoutandab0ut

I interviewed for FT employed role last week, so it may be a possibility.

That being said, it's a bit of a double edged sword. I moved to freelance as I was struggling with my mental health and had been off sick from work (but still employed) and tried to commit suicide twice.

I love what I'm doing now but the isolation is tough!

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:37:31

@GrouchyKiwi

Thank you for sharing!

I've been referred and discharged several times from the mental health teams in my area, so counselling has been very short term.

Perhaps I should consider private?

GrouchyKiwi Fri 22-Mar-19 19:48:31

I went private. Best money I've spent.

BlueMerchant Fri 22-Mar-19 19:50:51

Paul David At last a life' definitely helps.

TheRumor Fri 22-Mar-19 19:56:50

@BlueMerchant

Thank you. Will check it out smile

DaedricLordSlayer Fri 22-Mar-19 20:40:12

oh TheRumor flowers

1. antidepressants
2. Tap therapy
3. exercise (through walking the dog and a physical job)

The above kept me ticking over and in a manageable state.

What brought me back to a healthy mental state, is/are things I'm not sure can be recommended or do able, and still took another 2 years after implementing.

Complete relocation (forced due to redundancy) away from nightmare neighbours.
stupidly stopping antidepressants just to get some form of emotion back in my life (I do not recommend this!)
ending my marriage.
rebuilding my marriage.
DH going to AA
Having lots of private counselling. (mainly childhood related)
DC going to secondary school so I was no longer bound to the school run and being front of house for the family.
working decent hours.
not living in poverty but being able to pay the bills and put food on the table and not having to count every penny.

HarrysOwl Fri 22-Mar-19 20:43:08

It's gradual and very individual.

But generally...make the most of and push yourself on your good/better days and don't beat yourself up for the bad days.

It will get better. Repeat.

DaedricLordSlayer Fri 22-Mar-19 20:49:30

actually HarrysOwl has put it perfectly. rather than my ramble

MereDintofPandiculation Fri 22-Mar-19 20:49:59

1) Anti depressants
2) Counselling - giving me permission to ask for help and not carry on trying to cope
3) a LONG time off work, do I was able to sit down and analyse what I spent my time on, effort in vs pleasure/satisfaction derived. I then cut out a lot of things - eg I now buy curtains rather than make them.
4) a diary, in which I wrote down each day one thing that and given me pleasure and one achievement

frankiefirstyear Fri 22-Mar-19 21:02:52

Audiobooks help me massively

PlasticPatty Fri 22-Mar-19 21:11:55

Got better by
having loads of therapy, different therapists, over a number of years. Bit by bit dealing with the issues - being heard is so important
Accepting that 'this moment, now' is all we have, all that counts
Learning 'one in the bank'. Every happy moment is a precious time that, after it has happened, is part of you. You bank it.
Following my bliss. If it makes you happy, do it.
Letting go of anything that makes me unhappy - memories, ideas, beliefs, people, things.

It took five years, after a complete breakdown which left me curled up in a ball under a duvet for a year or so. But it was worth doing.
I am happy. I am no longer depressed. I am optimistic. I want to -and intend to - enjoy the rest of my life.

Join me. It's ace.
You can do it. Slowly, slowly. Your pace, your way.

Lily715 Fri 22-Mar-19 21:57:38

"How to survive the end of the world when its in your own head" by Aaron Gillies is the best book I've ever read on mental health.
I have friends who recommend Ruby Wax's book and its on my list to read.
The guilty feminist podcast did an episode on mental health which is fantastic.
Hang in there, sometimes it takes time but things honestly do get better.
I also funded my own therapy and had to try lots of different counsellors before I found the right one for you.
Mental health services in the NHS now are extremely limited and difficult to navigate.

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