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WIBU confronting bully

(21 Posts)
TriciaH87 Fri 22-Mar-19 18:15:58

H87Fri 22-Mar-19 18:11:49

My eldest is 12 and in high school. I have spoke to school several times but not much done. Even sent in letters to no avail. He has came home with bruises several times and i have photographed them as evidence should i need to take it further. Yesterday i was walking home with my youngest he is almost 9 and he pointed this child out as remembered him from school last year. I then told this child that if he continues to assault my son I will be taking my photos to the police along with the records of dates to the police and press charges. This was in a public place lots of passing people and kids going from school in both directions. I was stood in front of him a wall to my right but room either side for him to walk round. Now his making out i touched him which I LIKE TO MAKE VERY CLEAR I DID NOT. I am more than happy for his parents to talk to me if his spoke to them and show them why i confronted him. My son has came home in tears today as this child is making out i will go to prison etc. Have finally calmed him down after explaining what happened as eldest was not there. Was I correct to confront him? Normally i would have let school deal with it but when its to the point my son does not want to go to school and this child has on and off picked on him for 5 years enough is enough. I am worried about the male suicide rate especially in teen boys and feel someone needed to step in. Surely as his mum its down to me?

MadMum101 Fri 22-Mar-19 18:27:16

YWBU purely because of the risk of counter accusations as has now happened. These little shits will do anything to get out of getting into trouble themselves. It didn't help as your DS is now being frightened by threats of you going to prison!

I would have reported it to the police especially if bruising involved. They have been helpful in situations concerning my teenage son where the school didn't want to intervene.

FullOfJellyBeans Fri 22-Mar-19 18:28:46

What are the school saying about the bullying?i would be escalating the complaints through their complaints procedure all the way up to the goveners if necessary.if it doesn't improve I would consider going to the police if your son has been assaulted.

Explain to your son as you did here that there is no chance of you being on trouble.

TriciaH87 Fri 22-Mar-19 18:35:53

I have explained to my son whats happened. I am also more than happy for the child to make out it has and for his parents to call the police as when they find out nothing happened and i press charges by showing my evidence they will be forced to see whats going on. This child has victimised my son for years. I have wrote to the school but nothing happens. I thought by making him aware i will contact police he might be scared of that and leave my son alone as i didn't want to be responsible in some way for him getting a record at such a young age but i guess contacting the police may be the way yo go.

SwimmingKaren Fri 22-Mar-19 18:37:25

Not what I would have done but I really can’t blame you. The softly softly approach does not work with kids like this, a bit of the same treatment is the only thing they understand.

Chocolate35 Fri 22-Mar-19 18:43:32

I don’t blame you, my heart breaks for you. My DD was bullied and it was one of the hardest and worst times we’ve had as a family. The school being useless is the worst part. I actually got told there were so many people against my DD that her Head of Year didn’t know what to do. We left the school not long after. What year is your son in? Could you move him?
YADNBU. Good for you.

TriciaH87 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:43:03

His in year 7 but i don't want to move him as he has some close friends there and that would be punishing him in a sense. Plus whos to say another school will not have same issues. Putting him into boxing lessons. Hopefully he then learns to defend himself and the kid thinks twice

Firstimemama Fri 22-Mar-19 19:53:48

Not being unreasonable, I would have done a lot more !!!!

Firstimemama Fri 22-Mar-19 19:55:28

Don't stand for this .. take action .. if the school don't do anything I would consider speaking to a male family member/members to have words with these 'kids' .. scum

Yellowcar2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:00:50

Sorry personally I would never have approached the child you are an adult. Go through parents or police if you think the school are not sorting it.

ASauvignonADay Fri 22-Mar-19 20:06:19

What do you mean "nothing happens".
Have you spoken to them? Have you had meetings? What has been tried?

You were being unreasonable to confront the child, however tempting.

TriciaH87 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:10:30

I have gone in 6 times in a month. They talk to the child but basically if its not seen by a member of staff it don't count. Parents don't pick him up and when i spoke to them in past they swept it under the carpet their son would never do these things. The police in our area take weeks to investigate a buglary so a bully of 12 will be a low priority.

ASauvignonADay Fri 22-Mar-19 20:12:39

Are the incident in or out of school or online?
Sometimes it is hard if it is one word against another, but if there have been multiple incidents, there must be some witnesses (or does the school not have CCTV?)
What has the school actually said? Are they supporting or disputing what your son is saying?

wigglypiggly Fri 22-Mar-19 20:14:07

If you dont feel the school or the police are taking this seriously could you go through safeguarding at childrens social services. I would ask the school for a detailed plan of how they can guarantee your sons safety and do they have CCTV at the school where is this happening?

ASauvignonADay Fri 22-Mar-19 20:17:53

The thresholds for intervention from Children's Services are so high - I think the chance of them becoming involved are very minimal unless there are other concerns that the child is at risk of harm.

TriciaH87 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:48:12

In school. Can't dispute the bruises and the scratches to his face. The kid is saying it was not him even when others have seen it.

Marchinupandownagain Fri 22-Mar-19 21:04:52

Sigh. This confronting shit ought to work, but it doesn't. Bullies know the tricks. DP was tried and convicted of assault because he verbally confronted two teens throwing stones at our learning disabled son and they lied up a storm. There were other adult witnesses but they refused to stick around so as 'not to get involved' Arseholes. Police don't care about the truth, they had an open and shut case and targets to make. It was only after we showed the court the 50+ records of us trying to get Police involved, pictures of our broken windows and egged house and cigarette burn scars on DS1 for trying to intervene after 6 months of persecution by local yobs [guess how much success/interest Police had in following any of that up - guess, it's a round figure], all centred on our disabled son, that they were gracious enough to offer a conditional discharge.
Fuckers. Still angry after all these years. People in authority mostly don't care, sadly. Until they have someone innocent who can't play the system that they can put in the frame.

nicenewdusters Fri 22-Mar-19 21:15:44

Not being unreasonable at all. You need to keep kicking up a fuss. The school will do as little as possible for as long as possible. Next time it happens march straight into the school, with your photos of previous injuries, and demand to speak to the Head. Complain to everyone, governors etc. I'd definitely approach the parents again as well. Fire with fire and all that.

ASauvignonADay Fri 22-Mar-19 21:44:31

@nicenewdusters not all schools are like that, how depressing ☹️ you know lots of people work in schools because they genuinely care about kids and want to do the right thing..

Chocolateisfab Fri 22-Mar-19 21:50:17

I approached a girl in a park who had threatened to slaughter my dd.
Polic knew about the harrasment and done naff all.
Told her quite clearly in front of many witnesses to leave her alone.
No comeback. No regrets.
She actually crosses the road if she sees my dd now.
Ywnbu to take matters into your own hands imo.

nicenewdusters Sat 23-Mar-19 08:50:55

ASauvignonADay Yes, fair point, that was a sweeping generalisation. I've just seen and heard lots of cases where a very hands off approach was taken by schools. But there are instances of good practice.

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