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AIBU to get annoyed that my friend....

(21 Posts)
Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 17:15:09

ALWAYS makes me ask 'why'? And never just elaborates on her own?!

We've been friends for 15 years, and in person she is great. Texting though...i want to punch her!

An example, she has an event that i am attending tomorrow and i messaged her to say that i am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.
She replied that she was also looking forward to seeing me, but that she almost cancelled the event but her OH convinced her not to.

The End....

So of course i have to ask her why she almost cancelled it!
Why can't she just say in the same message?! "I almost cancelled because of xyz"?!

I'm always having to ask why and it drives me nuts! I've told her that it annoys me but it doesn't change. And we do not see eachother very often for various reasons due to life/work other commitments etc so i really do have to communicate via text more often than not.

I've tried just accepting it, I've even tried not asking about it but it will still come up and i will end up clueless if i don't take an interest!

She's also one of those people who if you say you had a bad day, and told her why, she wouldn't ask questions about it or say much but she would then start to talk about herself instead 😂.

I don't want to be a cow, and i do love this girl to bits but sometimes...just SOMETIMES I'd like her to tell me the full story straight away so i don't have to ask!


shaggedthruahedgebackwards Fri 22-Mar-19 17:16:47

You don't have to ask why, you choose to

Just leave it hanging

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Fri 22-Mar-19 17:18:23

My sister and my mum do this, they're both really PA. The only way my SIL and I have found to combat it and regain some sanity is to not ask why. It's hard at first because curiosity can really get the better of you, but just stop asking why and she might start just telling you stuff in the first place.

gamerchick Fri 22-Mar-19 17:18:33

I don't ask, I don't respond to hints either.

Your first example ended with still going really, the middle bit doesn't matter in the grand scheme.

FriarTuck Fri 22-Mar-19 17:19:17

it will still come up and i will end up clueless if i don't take an interest!
No, at that point you express ignorance as to what she's going on about and when she says 'that's why I nearly cancelled' you can say 'if only you'd actually given me the whole story at the time' or some such.

ChaosMoon Fri 22-Mar-19 17:21:29

I feel like Mumsnet may in itself be your answer. Stop asking "why?" and start writing "Drip feed".

Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 17:29:24

Hahaha! She is a drip feeder! That's exactly it!
I guess i just want to be a good friend and know what's going on in her life?

I do occasionally not enquire, but then i worry that she will feel like i don't care?

Since writing this, i have asked her about why tomorrow's event was almost cancelled and she told me it was because someone was upset with her over somehing she didn't intentionally do..... but again, didn't say what.

I will give up! confused

NitrousOxide Fri 22-Mar-19 18:55:36

Obvs not everyone, but a lot of people who do this are passive-aggressive types who enjoy the power/control aspect. They’re human clickbait websites.

The best thing to do is not rise to it and don’t ask them. Obvs that’s difficult to do if the information is something you actually need to know, but for the times when it’s not, leave it and let them expand if they want to. It’ll infuriate them wink.

TowerRavenSeven Fri 22-Mar-19 18:59:25

It’s called VagueBooking and it’s to get attention. Ignore!

Sparklesocks Fri 22-Mar-19 19:00:42

Just don’t bite, she’s doing it on purpose to reel you in!

Starch Fri 22-Mar-19 19:07:32

Quite amusing that you did exactly the same with your title

DoneLikeAKipper Fri 22-Mar-19 19:09:25

It’s called VagueBooking and it’s to get attention. Ignore!

This is exactly what it is. You see her kind all over Facebook with their ‘well that was shit’ or ‘fuck people, can’t trust anyone’ or ‘X checked into LaLa Land Hospital’. They expect a chorus of ‘you ok hun?’ to feed their never ending hunger for attention. Either completely ignore the bait, or answer with something non-committal such as ‘oh dear, well glad you didn’t cancel. See you tomorrow’. Your lack of giving a shit will drive them mad, though they usually up their game of trying to get you to engage.

Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:09:55

@Starch jusy proves how annoying it is! Haha

OKBobble Fri 22-Mar-19 19:11:42

You should have answered "were you being annoyingly vague with them too? Is that what upset them?"

Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:11:51

Thanks everyone! I didn't know about VagueBooking until now!
I will try not to bite for the foreseeable future!

Leeds2 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:11:55

Just ignore it. She knows full well what she is doing, and just wants attention.

Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 19:12:31

@OKBobble that made me laugh! Thank you!

Sparklesocks Fri 22-Mar-19 19:18:22

The best way to deal is to reply but not take the bait and question further, so you’d come back with ‘ah I’m looking forward to seeing you too!’ Or ‘im glad it’s not cancelled, see you then’.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Fri 22-Mar-19 19:49:39

Or make up something COMPLETELY ridiculous and suggest it to her as fact.

Almost cancelled tomorrow night's event? "Oh, I suppose that was down to Brexit"

or extra marks for something which makes her ask YOU "why?"

...."Oh that'll because of those lions I read about"

At least have some fun with it!!!!

Elmo311 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:15:54

@RedHatsDoNotSuitMe hahahaha! I am so going to try that!!!

TheFirstRuleOfFightClub Fri 22-Mar-19 20:19:24

I work with someone like that, my stock reply is 'oh'.

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