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AIBU to ask for advice to be the perfect MIL at my son's wedding

(133 Posts)
treehugger1 Fri 22-Mar-19 14:41:43

My son has just got engaged to his very lovely girlfriend of three years. They are marrying next May. DH and I lover her to death and get on very well with her and her family. From this forum, I know that MILs can act badly and do the wrong things and be very annoying. I don't want to be that woman. I have already told my DS that it is their day and I don't want to interfere and won't offer unwanted advice unless I am asked. Can any recent brides tell me what I should and shouldn't do to make sure their day goes well?

Originofstars Sun 24-Mar-19 08:11:29

My sister deferred to her future daughter in law's mum when it came to choosing colours for wedding outfits. Not that there'd have likely been a clash, the mother wore a pastel two piece and my sister a jade green pencil dress with a peacock feather hat. Whilst my sister wasn't bothered I thought it a bit off that the mother of the bride was escorted up the aisle by a groomsman when everyone was seated, followed by bridesmaids then bride. Then again we're not big on tradition, my sister got married in a black mini dress and a top hat, 25 years ago smile

Enidthecat Sun 24-Mar-19 08:12:04

Don't say that you hope there won't be tall flowers on the tables as you don't like them.
Don't invite all your relatives, who bride and groom don't know, to fill 'your table' at their small expensive wedding unless you offer to contribute to cost in any way and ask first.
Don't tell your relatives personal things about the bride's family that they then bring up on the day and upset her family.

FudgeBrownie2019 Sun 24-Mar-19 08:17:29

Don't wear white. MIL wore a white two piece suit and spent the morning before our wedding giggling and saying "I hope I'm not mistaken for the bride". Then sat po-faced throughout speeches and meals because nobody did mistake her for the bride.

Don't expect much say; let them just do it their way and tell them you loved it when it's over.

You sound lovely, by the way OP.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 24-Mar-19 08:22:30

I don’t understand this thing about mistaking a woman wearing white as the bride. Everyone knows who the bride is for a start.

Enidthecat Sun 24-Mar-19 08:22:33

I don't think you have much to worry about op, you sound like a lovely mil. Mine is also lovely, but can just be a bit tactless sometimes! She's very kind though.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 24-Mar-19 08:52:45

"Clear any outfit with DIL" wtaf? It wouldn't be the mil being the difficult one in this scenario!

Op - I would say stay relatively sober, introduce yourself to guests you've never met and have a quick chat with them, look happy (I am sure you will) and be on hand to help with any practical things if asked.

Otterses Sun 24-Mar-19 09:03:52

TALK to the bride rather than ignoring her all day grin you'll be doing a grand job then. Don't steal bottles of wine from the bar, or draw pictures of genitals on the expensive white table linen in sharpie, or wear a hat with feathers woven into it from your recently deceased budgie.

OP - I think you'll be fine. You sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your future in laws.

JuniorAsparagus Sun 24-Mar-19 09:38:43

Disfordarkchocolate I certainly didn't dream of my wedding as a child either.
When DS1 got married I asked him if there were any important people from his childhood who he would like to be there and he chose the ones I hoped he would. His choice, everyone happy. His wife was happy too as he had talked about them having a positive influence on him growing up before they decided to get married.

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