AIBU that if I die tragically I don't want people...

[BridlingtonSand]

to leave flowers and soft toys in public that will look terrible after 24 hours.

to leave flowers anywhere that is only connected to me by my death, but an otherwise meaningless place.

to start "a fund" with no purpose and with no consultation with my family and friends.

to post mawkish, self-indulgent sentimental comments about me on Facebook, or make out that they knew me personally, or that they love me and I'm forever in their hearts, or that I'm now flying high with the angels, or that they hope I'm haunting my murderer in prison, or post crappy gifs of pixelated candles.

to talk to the press.

No. IANBU.

[comedycentral]

Are you OK OP?

[irregularegular]

I agree!

[Lougle]

People do those things because it's all they can do. They can't reverse time and stop the person from dying. It's displacement activity.

I agree that I wouldn't want FB posts or press coverage, but people do it as a way of connecting.

[BridlingtonSand]

comedycentral I definitely need to step away from the internet today.

[BridlingtonSand]

lougle I don't understand why people need to connect so publicly with someone's private and genuine grief.

[M3lon]

I wouldn't want that either...

but when people are dead it doesn't matter what they want. It matters what the living want.

If something happened to my loved one I genuinely wouldn't care one way or the other if random people were also expressing their feelings...i'd be too busy with my own to care.

[SweatyUnderboob]

I had to look up mawkish. Good word!

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

This is what graveyards are for

[BridlingtonSand]

People do those things because it's all they can do.

And that's not true. There are so many sensitive, respectful and private ways of reacting.

[MillyCoddler]

People do those things because it's all they can do

Well, no ...
They could send a condolence card or letter
Make a donation to a charity as requested by the family of the deceased
Attend the funeral
Take/send flowers to funeral rather than make a cellotaph by the side of the road
Attend the wake and reminisce with people in real life
Quietly reflect

[bigbluebus]

I'm guessing you are referring to Libby (going by your user name). If so then I think the people of Hull feel that they somehow let her down - that Hull failed to protect her.
I know that the Uni are allowing people to place items and reflect near the library entrance and in the Students Union but don't know where else items may or may not have been placed.
I'm not a fan of this sort of tribute either really and I agree that things should only be done with the approval of the family.

When my DD died, someone placed a single flower on her grave shortly after the funeral. Two years later it is still puzzling us as to who placed it there - if only because we wanted to know who cared enough to do it. (It was family flowers only at the funeral).

[BridlingtonSand]

And tenuous links. I don't want people using my death as an excuse to describe their most tenuous of links to my death.

[BridlingtonSand]

To be serious for a moment - I'm sorry to hear of your loss bigblue and of course last night's news about Libby Squire was the outcome nobody wanted.

[MillyCoddler]

If so then I think the people of Hull feel that they somehow let her down - that Hull failed to protect her

But that is ridiculous. How can it be the fault of a whole city if some young woman is either murdered or dies by accident? It's just self indulgent nonsense.

[TroysMammy]

I agree too and I don't want my photo on the local obituary site either.

[lotusbell]

The phrase 'Fly high with the angels' always really irritates me!

[Princessmushroom]

Doesn’t matter what you want, you’ll be a goner 😂 don’t you want your loved ones to find comfort?

[KnobJockey]

I'm also from the area, and I kind of agree- I drove past the bench that she was last seen this morning, which is filled with flowers, to see someone taking a photo on their phone of it all. Why?

Though of course everyone was wishing for a better outcome, at least we have some form of outcome for it- it could very easily have ended up that the family never knew where she went, if she had died. Here's hoping that the autopsy/ inquest gives them some new evidence to pinpoint who did it to her.

[steff13]

How will you stop them? Haunting?

[WeMarchOn]

I found out my great Aunt died on Facebook 🤦🏻‍♀️

[ApolloandDaphne]

My DD died tragically. People left flowers, raised money and sent us messages/gifts. It was wonderful to know people were thinking of us and wanted to try and help us in some way. It was slightly overwhelming at times but it was meant well. I still have all the hundreds of cards we were sent.

[BridlingtonSand]

Doesn’t matter what you want, you’ll be a goner don’t you want your loved ones to find comfort?

Yes - that's my point. I want people who actually knew me to find comfort, not for complete strangers to take advantage of their grief.

[Bungalowbeth]

@lotusbell it irritates me less than, “Fly high with the angles” .

[Picklypickles]

You wont care, you wont know anything about it. If it brings some kind of comfort/closure to grieving loved ones leave them to it.

[x2boys]

I agree to.a point my dh,sister died suddenly four years ago due to some initial uncertainty and an awful.lot of exaggerations there's was a police investigation ,the amount of crap and rumours flying around on Facebook was ridiculous and neighbours who vaguely knew talking to the local.paper etc but you can see why people want to leave flowers etc.Her death was caused by an infection but it died stop.rumours .