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AIBU - Morning Phone call

(214 Posts)
MrsNacho Fri 22-Mar-19 10:34:06

My DP works away. In the morning he gets up in his hotel, has a shower, throws on his work gear and then rings me.

It drives me mad!!

In the morning I get up, sort out the wet washing in the machine, have a shower, start calling the kids, dry my hair, call the kids some more, cajole the youngest into getting dressed, clean my teeth, feed the animals, lose my temper at the teen, finally get him up, supervise his medication and carb count his breakfast, do my face, remind everyone to get everything several times, referee the endless bickering...

so basically a good morning chat is the very last thing that I need. Then I am driving, dropping two kids at breakfast club, the teen near his school and getting to work hopefully on time. I am a new driver so even if I remembered to ring him on hands free before we left, I don't want the distraction.

We have spoken about this before and he says well I just wanted to hear your voice.

Today he rang and I was a bit short with him and I think he is offended.

So AIBU to tell him not to call me in the morning?

Myheartbelongsto Fri 22-Mar-19 10:36:45

can he ring you for ten mins before you have to get up?

TheYoungOffendersMum Fri 22-Mar-19 10:38:47

He should try to coincide a break with your break for this. It's lovely he wants to hear your voice, that's really lovely, but he's not witness to the chaos you're dealing with alone every Morning.

MrsNacho Fri 22-Mar-19 10:40:31

Well he could but I would be missing out on 10 mins sleep then. I already get up early as it is. He emails me throughout the working day and I ring him when I finish work at 2.30, then we speak throughout the evening on social media and a face time before bed.

I just think its unnecessary.

MrsNacho Fri 22-Mar-19 10:42:51

Oh so as not to drip feed he is back every weekend. That may or may not be relevant? don't want to be a drip feeder!

Alsbals Fri 22-Mar-19 10:43:55

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

My DP does the same thing every night on his way home from work - I work full time too but am usually in around an hour before he. He knows when I get in I’m really busy cleaning, putting on washings, sorting dinner and dealing with the kids - it honestly drives me mental (the phone call, that is)

I spoke to him about it too but he continued to do it so now I either get one of the kids to answer and say mums busy or ignore it.

MsVestibule Fri 22-Mar-19 10:46:04

Good grief, when DH goes away for a couple of day's, we might exchange a text message and maybe a short call in the evening! Whilst it's very sweet, his 'need' to hear your voice does not top trump your need to get out of the house in time.

TwoRoundabouts Fri 22-Mar-19 10:47:45


Tell him to phone you at lunchtime and in the evening before you both go to sleep. And give him the times.

I've worked away and that's what I've done because I realised my partner is either at work, coming home from work or sorting out kids so randomly phoning is just selfishness on my part. If I want to phone him in-between I message him and wait to see if he's available.

TwoRoundabouts Fri 22-Mar-19 10:48:06

Sorry I mean YANBU

Trills Fri 22-Mar-19 10:50:00

It's up to the two of you to discuss and compromise on what you think is the "right amount" of contact while he's away.

For what it's worth I'd think that one call a day would be plenty for me.

Creamwhite Fri 22-Mar-19 10:50:08

YANBU to not want to talk in the morning but don't be angry at him, his intentions are good. Just explain it and sort another time you can chat X

MrsNacho Fri 22-Mar-19 10:51:20

I was starting to think I am just being a grumpy old woman. (33) I just think he is inconsiderate and then I feel like the bad guy because he was being sweet and I don't appreciate it.

CabbageHippy Fri 22-Mar-19 10:53:03

I think your being unreasonable - imo it's really lovely that your the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up

DH & I always ring each other when we leave work just to say i'm on my way home are you home already, what time will you be home etc Habit really I guess

Shoxfordian Fri 22-Mar-19 10:54:19

Don't answer if it's not convenient

AnOwlCalledPlop Fri 22-Mar-19 10:57:49

Can you not to him about this? This does not seem difficult to me.

“DH, please don’t call me in the morning because <explanation>”

“I just like to hear your voice etc”

“Be that as it may....<explain again why not convenient>”

Failing which, just switch off your phone.

BarbaraofSevillle Fri 22-Mar-19 10:58:40

Put him on speakerphone or get an Alexa thing and let him join in with the morning routine. Maybe he can get the teen out of bed while you do everything else?

I would probably chat on handsfree while in the car after dropping the DCs off but YANBU if you're not comfortable with doing that.

notacooldad Fri 22-Mar-19 10:58:54

Your mornings sound frantic and if I was doing that and ha did to take a call every morning the novelty would soon wear off and it would feel like something else on my to do list. There wouldn't be enjoyment in the call if I had my eye on other tasks.

BarbaraofSevillle Fri 22-Mar-19 10:59:06

But YANBU to 'not hear the phone' when he rings in the morning.

AdvancedAvoider Fri 22-Mar-19 10:59:41

My dh used to do that. I told him straight that the times he was calling at were just inconvenient. He'd imagined there was something wrong because I was terse but understood completely when I to,d him it was just his crap timing.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Fri 22-Mar-19 11:01:13

Tough one this. Sometimes you do have to put up with well meaning but pita behaviour for the good of your relationship. It's nice that he wants to speak to you and certainly better than having a husband who isn't bothered. OTOH, he ought to be considerate of your needs too and call you when you are free to speak to him.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Fri 22-Mar-19 11:02:54

He wants to talk to you in the morning and you don’t. I don’t think either of you is being unreasonable but I would say, that if I had to stay in a hotel every week night I’d be miserable if dh didn’t want to talk to me every morning.sad
If he was at home would you make time to talk/hug/have a coffee together?

Thegoodthere Fri 22-Mar-19 11:03:56

He knows it's inconvenient but insists on doing it anyway. Don't answer, then call him back when it's convenient for you. If he says it's inconvenient, say "oh, I just wanted to hear your voice!"

MrsNacho Fri 22-Mar-19 11:04:11

@AnOwlCalledPlop, I have spoken to him about it, I have explained that mornings are busy. He just doesn't get it. Probably because when he stays over at the weekend the youngest springs out of bed at 7am without a care in the world. The teen sleeps gets up and does his medication without question because he can go straight back to bed.. its more relaxed so he doesn't see the busy, time critical morning.

Readytogogogo Fri 22-Mar-19 11:04:17

YANBU at all. It sounds like he has no clue how busy your mornings are. It isn't at all living to make your life more difficult. He should discuss with you about when it would be convenient to chat.

AnOwlCalledPlop Fri 22-Mar-19 11:04:29

It’s really not tough at all. Mornings with kids are a fucking riot. Frankly lol at the idea of making the time to have a hug or a coffee with my DH of a morning.

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