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What to do? They're at it again! Neighbours return

(19 Posts)
leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 21:10:38

I posted about this earlier today.

In short, I have a small toddler who is incredibly 'theatrical' and cries ridiculously, like he's being murdered whilst I'm getting him out of a bath, changing his bottom, etc etc.

Previously, my new neighbours asked me if everything was 'okay'. Today they knocked and asked "Is everything okay, we heard crying", or something to that extent, I forgot their exact wording.

I explained (again), to them that DS is just dramatic and loud. DS was in my arms smiling when I answered the door.

The general opinion of Mumsnet is they were just being caring, etc. That child abuse goes undetected because not enough people are like this, etc etc.

And I came to the conclusion that it was fine and to leave it at that.

However, they've just knocked AGAIN! I was putting a clean nappy on DS and he screamed for a few minutes, all whilst I was struggling to put the nappy on. Yeah, just normal DS behaviour at the moment.

Then they knocked. This time the both of them, husband and wife. They said "Are you sure everything is alright? Is he settled and sleeping or is something wrong?"

I'm very smiley and just said yes thanks, all is well. Just typical DS.

I tried laughing it off, they said "We are here to keep an ear out if anything else happens". And off they went.

Wtf do they mean by that? I'm getting really bloody fed up now. That's twice in one day.

cabingirl Thu 21-Mar-19 21:16:21

They might not be used to children (or have only known very quiet and placid ones) and are scared that what they are hearing means something bad is happening.

Very frustrating for you though!

Not sure what the solution is - let them get used to it - invite them round for a cup of tea so that they can see things are 'normal'.

Or steel yourself for more 'interventions'.

Sparklingbrook Thu 21-Mar-19 21:16:42

You can update your original thread.

It sounds like they are concerned.

Dreamingofkfc Thu 21-Mar-19 21:17:05

Ask them what it is they think they can help with...then say to them you know they are around and you're very capable of asking for help should you need it.

leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 21:17:46

cab they have 3 kids themselves blush

DS is really terrible for acting angelic in front of people and terribly when just at me. Although he is starting to show his true colours more and more around my SIL since he's round there a lot now

makingmammaries Thu 21-Mar-19 21:24:14

OP, I think you might have to ask them to stop knocking every time your child cries, it is a massive invasion of your privacy. I think I'd be very direct and ask them exactly what they think the problem is with this toddler behaviour which is entirely normal for your son's developmental stage. Alternatively, could you discuss DS's behaviour with your health visitor and ask her to talk to your neighbours and suggest that they let you get on with parenting your own child in your own home?

Tomtontom Thu 21-Mar-19 21:25:27

Turning this around,

"The baby next door keeps screaming. Not just crying, screaming like they're in pain. What should I do?"

What would you do OP? Turn a blind eye?

Sparklingbrook Thu 21-Mar-19 21:26:32

Yes Tom if this was an AIBU from the neighbours most of MN would be urging them to do something...

Winchestermom35 Thu 21-Mar-19 21:44:05

My youngest is a screamer sometimes. Especially when we brush his hair 😖. Although this has got better.

I’m actually surprised no one’s been round yet to see what we’re doing with him.

He’s also perpetually covered in bruises. He’s at nursery & they must see his bruises. We’ve been lucky so far. I’m hoping they realise it’s down to his poor spatial awareness.

I’m prepared for the social services call. When/if it comes, while it might be horrendous, we have nothing to hide. Our boy has asd & is a challenge but we do our absolute best for him every single day.

I’m going to try to be grateful that there’s someone out there looking out for my son.

Toomuchworking Thu 21-Mar-19 21:46:55

My ds is exactly like this. I genuinely worry that my own family might think I'm assaulting him when I'm changing his nappy in another room.
Could you suggest they come in when you're sorting him after the bath or changing a nappy just to show them you're not a secret child abuser and your DS is just a tad dramatic?

PookieDo Thu 21-Mar-19 21:53:17

I commented on the other thread too
Sometimes the worst thing you can do is the whole false smiling jovial thing. It can look fake/false.

Just be honest with them about it (omit trying to laugh it off) and I think they will get the message!

SwimmingBadger Thu 21-Mar-19 21:53:51

Rather than inviting them in when you know your dc is going to have a meltdown (because having to pick him up, go knock on their door and get them round night be a bit of a pain!) could you not just set up your phone to record a video while you're changing him/anything else that makes him cry so much. Then when the neighbours come knocking again you can just show them the video, put their minds at rest that there's nothing horrible going on and then they should stop knocking?

chocolatebuttonsandcheese Thu 21-Mar-19 21:57:49

Oh god - this is a fear of mine! My DS screams at nappy time, getting dressed and if he's not offered rice pudding and only
Rice pudding for tea.

frasersmummy Thu 21-Mar-19 21:58:34

Ask intervening nosy neighbours to witness a nappy change or video it.
I. Think that's bonkers.. Baby and toddlers cry.. Its normal. I would tell them so and tell them to butt out. You don't owe them any reassurance
If they want to report a crying baby let them... You have nothing to hide.

Winchestermom35 Thu 21-Mar-19 21:59:05

Excellent advice swimmingbadger. I might have to use that

snowball28 Thu 21-Mar-19 22:14:54

Colour me dramatic but isn’t this a tad excessive now? Surely them ‘popping round’ all the time is some form of harassment?

You’ve answered their nosey and intrusive questions umpteen times (when you really don’t owe them any info) and I really dislike the coming round together, I would find that incredibly intimidating.

I’d tell them next time they come round that you’ve explained your son can be a bit screamy and he’s very loud but there’s nothing you can do he’ll grow out of it and that you are getting increasingly concerned and frustrated with their constant visits and questions, I’d just be blunt and say ‘what do you think is happening here and what do you want from me’ as let’s be frank you’ve made it quite clear you don’t need their intrusions, and if they don’t answer or are evasive tell them ‘the next time you come round I will simply report you to the police and let them deal with you goodbye’ then close the door calmly.

Yes it’s fine to ask once or twice if you’re genuinely concerned but over and over and now more than once a day, they are out of order and clearly aren’t getting anywhere so why do they keep coming round? Seems like intimidation to me.

Mamabearx4 Thu 21-Mar-19 22:17:04

I was also going to suggest what swimming said. (I also saw your other post).

Show them it every time they come round they will soon get the message.

My daughter at 10 still sounds like I'm killi g her when I brush her hair.

puppy23 Thu 21-Mar-19 22:28:53

I can understand it being annoying on your half, but can also understand it on theirs. I was the crying abused child on the other side of the wall - the neighbours tried, with reports/visits/letters from the police & social services, but ultimately nothing was done. In some ways I'm glad it wasn't, as I could've been taken from my poor DF who was just as much of a victim, but there we go. At least they have your DS's best interests at heart

RoboticSealpup Thu 21-Mar-19 22:34:03

Like I wrote on your other thread: don't be all nice and smiley next time - they'll think you're not getting the message (= please be quiet), and they'll think you're not bothered by their constant knocking. Apologise for disturbing them again. Tell them there's nothing you can do about your DSs noise levels because that's just how he is at the moment. Tell them you'll try to find a way to soundproof. Hopefully they'll back off then.

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