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Parents and favourites

(6 Posts)
Didntwanttochangemyname Thu 21-Mar-19 20:05:21

Since I've had my children, I've begun to realise things about my parents and my upbringing that I'm finding increasingly hard to deal with.

Long story short, it seems that my DB was heavily favoured by our parents. I did pick up on this in my early teens, raised it, got shot down by my parents who assured me they love just the same, I then went off the rails drinking, self-harming and shagging around. Much therapy has made me realise I was really lacking in self confidence and didn't really like myself, but I'm getting there now.

Every now and then something happens and it triggers a little domino effect in my brain and I figure out something else from my childhood that suddenly makes other things fall in to place.

Now, I've just had another little realisation.
When my DC1 turned 1, my parents gave him a little wooden play box that I'd suggested he might like.
When DB and DSIL's child turned 1 they were given an expensive item, easily x10 the cost of my child's gift.
Today my DC2 turned 1 and I got a text message, not even a card.

(I've mentioned the price of the gifts because that's the easiest way to express the difference, not because I'm a money grabber, I promise. My parents, my DH and I and DB and DSIL are all reasonably comfortable, so it isn't about that.)

AIBU and ridiculous that I'm so fucking hurt by this? I want to cry, I am so annoyed at how pathetic I feel about this!

IHeartMarmiteToast Thu 21-Mar-19 20:27:00

That's very hurtful that they didn't male any effort! I think I if have to say something if it were me! Like what no card? Or when did you want to come over tm with Jane's birthday present?

Chocolateisfab Thu 21-Mar-19 20:30:44

Ime stepping back and embrace not having to share your dc with such nasty people is an idea.
When they need favours send them to db.
You owe them not one jot op.
Happy birthday to your dc!

BlueMerchant Thu 21-Mar-19 20:34:52

It tell them it's upset you them not even getting your ds a card. I'd call them and ask why.

MotherFluppers Thu 21-Mar-19 20:46:41

I could have written the first few paragraphs myself- exactly the same and I am only just realising there are others who have experienced this.

I find the only way to try and deal with this sort of issue is acceptance- accept it was wrong, it may happen again, it's happened in the past and then try and distance yourself. My family are very toxic and accepting this and trying to distance myself from their behaviour is all I can do as they would never admit they are in the wrong.

You are totally right to feel upset by this but maybe try to rise above it (although easier said than done)!

Didntwanttochangemyname Fri 22-Mar-19 14:12:12

Thank you, I've had some sleep and a chat with my DH, and I feel a little better. He's going to try to help me to pull back a little, and stop trying to seek their approval.
We are all going on holiday together in a few weeks, I'm dreading it, but after that we'll try to 'drift' away from them. I'm sure it will do my mental health a world of good!

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