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Friend doesn’t seem interested

(7 Posts)
AliceRR Thu 21-Mar-19 19:07:22

I posted about this situation months ago but things have changed slightly

I have a friend whom I’ve known since primary school. She’s my oldest friend but not my closest friend and we have times when we’re closer than others but I don’t think she’d usually ignore messages. This time last year we saw each other quite a bit but then we sort of lost touch a bit around now(ish). We’d seen each other a few times, both alone and with our partners, and then we had dinner plans which she cancelled at the last minute and then we never rearranged. Well it seemed I’d text her (not always about meeting up even just to say hi) and she wouldn’t reply and then I’d text again and might get a reply... to the point I’d had to send a couple of texts to her a reply. I felt like I was chasing her a bit but I didn’t know if she was just busy or had things going on or something was wrong or if I’d offended her in some way... in one of her texts she mentioned she’d been ill but I don’t know if that meant something like a cold or something more serious.

At one point I posted on here about it and by then I was pregnant. Lots of you responded and said I was BU because she probably had difficulty TTC and probably didn’t want to be around me. When she did text me she was friendly and even offered to speak to her mum (a nurse) if we had any issues. They would have some difficulty conceiving I think as it would involve using her boyfriend’s frozen sperm so it could have been that I was pregnant but she seemed to have gone strange slightly before that.

Anyway it has been a year now that things have been strange. Her last text to me was in October (in response to a text I sent her). My last text was November (she didn’t reply). I didn’t send her a Christmas card as I didn’t know if she was at the same address and I didn’t hear from her then (but we were also in the midst of a move and she might not have known where we were). I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She didn’t wish me one. She hasn’t asked if I’ve had my baby.

As it happens I lost my baby.

I kind of miss my friend and want to know why she isn’t talking to me. I don’t “need” her and certainly won’t chase her but I’d like to know why she’s disappeared. Maybe I’m just feeling vulnerable. I wonder whether the baby thing was the issue but then I don’t want her to be friends with me just cause my baby died.

One thing I know from the last couple of months is that I have fantastic family l, friends and colleagues.

What made me think of her is my husband had mentioned her a couple of times and suggested I’m harsh because I haven’t wanted to contact her again. I said I have tried a few times but don’t want to chase her.

Anyway we are moving tomorrow and I thought of her (maybe I’m procrastinating too as I still have things to pack) so I just texted her to say hi and asked is she’s moved house and said we’re moving tomorrow. I’m not sure I’ll even get a reply and not sure whether I should have texted her... if I don’t get a reply I won’t try again.

Sorry if I am rambling but anyone had a similar experience or done what my friend has done? If so what were your reasons?

AliceRR Thu 21-Mar-19 19:07:35

Sorry for the long post

starzig Thu 21-Mar-19 19:12:51

I think you are just assuming your friend is of the same mindset as you re: reacting to texts, phone calls and general chat. People are just different in this regard. I never text and I am rubbish at replying. I'm always thinking I'll reply later and never get round to it. So I wouldn't get too anxious about it.

shivermetimbers77 Thu 21-Mar-19 19:21:27

I am sorry for the loss of your baby.

Regarding your friend, could you just ask her? She may just be busy or she may be ghosting you, but either way it won't hurt to ask, particularly considering how long you've known each other.

Drum2018 Thu 21-Mar-19 19:28:23

Sorry to hear you lost your baby. That's very tough.
As regards the friendship, it seems it's run it's course and if it were me I don't think I'd pursue it now. Surely the fact that she wasn't answering texts tells you that she's no longer interested. Focus on the friends who do appreciate you and are there for you always.

AliceRR Thu 21-Mar-19 19:41:02

I understand people are different but she wasn’t that bad before which makes me think something is wrong / different.

I agree it seems it’s run it’s course. DH keeps telling me friendships take work, as if I’m the one BU, but I think I’ve put the work in. It shouldn’t be one way.

I feel weird asking her what’s going on but was tempted. My text to her asks about her move, tells her we are moving tomorrow and says I wanted to text as I haven’t heard from her in a while and wanted to check everything is ok but I won’t keep bothering her if she wants to be left alone.

It probably sounds a bit desperate. I’m not but I’m a bit down and it probably comes across. I have good friends and I’m grateful for them but thought I’d give it one last go. I kind of wish I hadn’t bothered as, even if she did reply, things wouldn’t be the same because she’s basically not been around for the past year with no reason really.

mcmooberry Thu 21-Mar-19 21:31:57

I am very sorry indeed to hear you lost your baby. I remember your original thread and I thought at the time that your friend may very well have distanced herself from you due to her own fertility problems as it was apparent she wouldn't be able to conceive naturally or easily. If I were you, I would contact her, saying you miss her and letting her know what has happened to you. Am very glad to hear your colleagues and family have supported you through this xx

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