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To feel bullied into letting my children swell the coffers of a charity I do not wish to contribute to?

(95 Posts)
filthymindedvixen Tue 10-Jul-07 18:21:44

some children at my dsesses school have arranged a 'special day of fundraising' for the Madeleine McCann fund.
My boys came out of school demanding money for friday because there is going to be a toy stall, sweets, buns etc. They already have 2 other sponsored events going on at school this week....

When i told them I wasn't planning to give them any money as I have forked out enough cash for sponsorship of other events this week, a knot of mothers swung round and flamed me. In hushed voices, I was asked ''don't you realise this is for maddy's fund? You've got to give something, surely...''

Listen, if i thought that by giving a quid, madeleine would be released tomorrow, of course I'd do it. But I don't think it's going to make a jot of difference.


quadrophenia Tue 10-Jul-07 18:22:56

Oh I really don't envy you being put in that position. YANBU

aloha Tue 10-Jul-07 18:23:05

God this is GRIM. what are schools thinking off.

<goes off to buy shares in cotton wool>

aloha Tue 10-Jul-07 18:23:19

Thinking 'OF'

hercules1 Tue 10-Jul-07 18:23:51

No, not at all. I wouldn't send in any money but instead write a letter explaining that you will be donating to a missing childrens charity instead. Explain to your children why and I bet you wont be the only parent not to send in money.

PrettyCandles Tue 10-Jul-07 18:24:48

You're probably gong to get flamed here, because, as you say, it's for Maddy's fund. But the principle remains - why should you fork out for a cause which you do not feel able to support. I agree, you shouldn't. Which is why I don't send charity gifts to people - maybe they don't want to buy a goat, perhaps they would prefer to sponsor an incubator - what right do I have to impose my views on altruism upon them?

Trouble is, you're almost blackmailed into it, aren't you?

GreensleevesSusan Tue 10-Jul-07 18:26:31

Stick to your guns. Are they able to provide you with a reliable breakdown of what this money will be spent on? I doubt it. Well-meaning but misguided woolly-headed nonsense IMO. Spend it on something useful.

filthymindedvixen Tue 10-Jul-07 18:26:32

Blackmailed! Exactly Thank you. Don't care if I do get flamed - I can't seem to speak out about this in RL so this is very therapeutic

ruddynorah Tue 10-Jul-07 18:28:45

what hercules said.

how old are your dc? are they old enough to understand if you explain your reasons? do you give them pocket money? i guess it's their choice then if they want to spend their 'own' money on this.

slayerette Tue 10-Jul-07 18:29:31

I would be tempted to ask the school why it wasn't fundraising for ALL missing children, to be honest. How many of us were asked to raise funds for Margaret Hill when she was kidnapped? None, I'll bet. Of course I feel awful for Madeleine and her parents, I do. But I feel even worse for all those children who go missing and no-one seems to care except their families who have to cope as best they can.

bohemianbint Tue 10-Jul-07 18:29:53


SueBaroo Tue 10-Jul-07 18:30:27


I'd be exactly the same.

But I would expect a spit-roast on here all the same, given recent experience.

CalifrauniusFudge Tue 10-Jul-07 18:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento Tue 10-Jul-07 18:32:43

I cannot for the life of me understand why an already wellendowed fund for one missing child should receive yet more cash when there are children out there starving RIGHT NOW. It's utterly bizarre and frankly shows oddly distorted principles. So YANBU.

cleaninglady Tue 10-Jul-07 18:37:20

YANBU and A really good idea further down about saying you will donate your contribution towards a missing childrens charity instead rather than one particular child.

lionheart Tue 10-Jul-07 18:37:58

I'm surprised, to say the least, by the way this family's plight has been incorporated into schools by way of prayers,

assemblies and fund-raisers.

Tricky situation, fmv.

TheBlonde Tue 10-Jul-07 18:39:02

Is it actually a charity now? I thought it wasn't before

Pannacotta Tue 10-Jul-07 18:39:55

totally agree YANBU, lots of very worthwhile causes out there, missing children among them, which receive v little media coverage.
I would also not contribute, I choose carefully which charities to support and I am sure that enough funds have been poured into this.
Personally feel charities such as NSPCC or Barnados are much more deserving....

lemonaid Tue 10-Jul-07 18:40:33

YANBU, not at all.

filthymindedvixen Tue 10-Jul-07 18:42:57

trouble is the school haven't exactly organised this - they have obviously given permission for these children to hold the i can't really rant at the school. And sheesh, i'd hate to imagine the reaction I'd get in judging from the reaction the small group of mums had on overhearing me.

Great idea about the pocket money - that is propbably what I'll do. One of my kids is old enough to talk to sensibly about it, the other one doesn't understand at all.

It's like Diana's funeral all over again. My own sister refused to speak to me for a month because I was about her queuing for 4 hours in the rain to sign a book of condolences...

filthymindedvixen Tue 10-Jul-07 18:44:15

<<fastens target to arse, having mentioned both the D word and M word>>

lionheart Tue 10-Jul-07 18:45:54

So the children decided to do this for themselves?

janeite Tue 10-Jul-07 18:56:46

YANBU. And I agree totally with the comparison to Diana - it's like you are being FORCED to participate in something which has been manipulated by the press into some sort of public outpouring of feeling.

I DON'T think children should be encouraged to be doing this. I DON'T think loads of money will make the slightest bit of difference in finding her; if it would she'd have been returned by now as so much reward money has been offered. I DO think you're right to stick to your guns over this.

Having said that, yes, if a pound would bring her back, we'd all be paying it wouldn't we - but quite frankly, unfortunately, it won't.

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 10-Jul-07 18:58:41

I dont think your being unreasonable either, I wouldnt contribute if our school held an even for maddys fund.

My heart goes out to that poor little girl but I dont feel it warrants a fund all of its own. There are thousands of missing, sick and starving children that deserve charity and I dont believe a fund should have been set up to allow Maddys parents to travel to meet the pope etc.

At the end of the day, we support the charities that we wish too and shouldnt be forced to support ones that we wish not to.

muppetgirl Tue 10-Jul-07 19:02:22

I don;t think you're being unreasonable at all. Although It's organised by the children, it is in school time (?) therefore the school are respnsible for it. I would speak to the Head and voice your feelings. This really is emotional blackmail...If you keep them off, you're being mean. If you don;t give them money, you're being mean. If you do, you go against your principles.


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