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To be fuming about this comment

(277 Posts)
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:29:36

DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.

After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.

For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.

AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!

Relationshipsajoke Wed 07-Aug-19 17:49:55

What a weird thing to automatically think? My son is walking at 10 months, however we came across another family the other day and their son was 14months and not interested in walking at all....I haven’t even thought about it until reading this, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the child at all let alone the “reasons” for it. Jeez. Every baby is different!!

Nanny0gg Wed 07-Aug-19 17:35:42

The OP posted in March!!

Issue probably resolved!!

firawla Wed 07-Aug-19 17:24:50

Pinkout why be so patronising? Just because your babies couldn’t say words at 10 months (presumably by your comment) doesn’t mean that Op has to be lying. It’s really not unheard of at that age. Plenty of babies have a handful of basic words at that age, normally of the duck, ball, cat kind of level

Chamomileteaplease Wed 07-Aug-19 17:21:04

I hope your dh is very ashamed of not only how insensitive he has been but also how bloody ignorant.

BadassBusty Wed 07-Aug-19 17:19:46

You DH is a complete twit - honestly, how can men be so silly.

Might want to tell him that our DD was combination fed, was late to crawl, on time to walk and now at not even 2 and a half is so advanced with her talking I forget she is so little. She is also really dumb too just to counteract the good talking haha.

Never compare babies, toddlers, children...anyone. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Mouldiwarp1 Wed 07-Aug-19 17:14:18

I think since the original post was in March, we can probably assume the OP’s baby is getting on just fine now. I do wonder if she ever washed her DH’s pillow after her DS weed on it though. grin

Cheeseandwin5 Wed 07-Aug-19 17:07:35

My DH couldn't talk until till he was past 4 years ago. He is now a well rounded and social person who is well liked. Even with that said and despite usually being very laid back and supportive of them he does occasionally get very worried about our DC progress and can become very critical of their lack of work. He says he is scared that in the big world they wont be happy unless they move with or as fast as everyone else, but more than that he hates to see them not give 100%. I think men sometimes are so focussed on the future and the problems that can bring that it clouds there mind and can make them erratic, speaking without thinking. If this was a one off outburst I would put it down to that. You are a team, your DC progress is in part at any rate due to you working togeather.

SignedUpJust4This Wed 07-Aug-19 16:58:07

I think you need to tell him how hurtful this is and why. BF guilt is so horrible.

Failing that suggest maybe your baby is slow due to shitty sperm or lack of paternal input. Knob.

Rachelover40 Wed 07-Aug-19 16:46:42

Your husband is an idiot! Nothing wrong with your child, he sounds perfectly normal.

tmh88 Wed 07-Aug-19 16:41:19

It’s a load of rubbish. DS was bottle fed exclusively, I was too ill for a long time to do anything and when I was better had to still attend physio due to birth complications and DP did all the feeds etc. DS first crawled at 4 1/2 months they all develop differently!

Shootingstar1115 Wed 07-Aug-19 16:40:34

Wow. Your husband sounds like a dick. How he did he know that the other babies weren’t slightly older than yours? All babies do things at their own rate anyway. Even if your little one was slightly slower than ‘average’ (what is average?!) to crawl he might be more advanced in another area. I found that with my two. My two were late talkers but despite this was more advanced physically etc.

When I had my first I would often compare him to other babies but when I had DD I had learnt not to do that.

I didn’t breastfeed mine at all. There I said it. Both were formula fed from birth because that was my choice.

Is it possible that your husband gets these opinions off his mum? I find with my ex (DS’s dad) and my partner (DD’s dad) they share the same view as their mothers on things and my own mil made me feel guilty when mine were also to talk. Telling me how ‘advanced’ all her children were.

Rise above it. You’re doing a fab job. Does he help out a lot with little one?

Isatis Wed 07-Aug-19 16:34:50


TroysMammy Wed 07-Aug-19 16:33:49

Tell him to piss off. I was formula fed and could walk and talk by 11 months old.

My sister, younger by 2 years and also formula fed walked and talked much later (probably because I did the talking and fetching).

My sister's baby was exclusively breast fed, didn't walk and talk until she was over 12 months old. Was diagnosed with eczema at 4 months old, she is also asthmatic and has hayfever. Neither me nor my sister suffer with any of these.

Don't worry about your baby, breast feeding doesn't produce perfect and super humans. Everyone is different and for your "D"H to insinuate it is your fault because you didn't breastfeed is a cock of the highest order.

AngelasAshes Wed 07-Aug-19 16:31:53

Some babies skip crawling and go right to walking. Crawling is not a necessary step. One of our DDs would roll...yes roll places. She was actually really fast and I think she did it because she was always carrying a favourite toy and couldn’t figure out how to crawl while holding a toy. Then she started she skipped crawling.

MamaGee09 Wed 07-Aug-19 16:24:40

First rule of parenting

BF or FF makes no difference, happy baby and happy mummy is what’s important.

OverpricedFloorCushion Wed 07-Aug-19 16:24:15

Tell him he can comment when he is able to lactate.


BillywilliamV Wed 07-Aug-19 16:21:45

DH was bottle fed due to my MIL’s aversion to bodily contact with anybody and now he is a rocket scientist..

Pinkout Wed 07-Aug-19 16:16:57

Just lol’in at you claiming your 10 month old says some words grin. Do you mean mama? 10 month olds don’t generally speak beyond babble.

BlueJag Wed 07-Aug-19 16:15:44

Well our ds was bf for 9 months and he did crawl at about 7 months then got stuck and didn't walk until he was about 14-15 months then didn't talk until he was about 3 odd words but nothing much. Who knows how the type of milk affects develop. Hard to tell.

Coyoacan Wed 07-Aug-19 16:15:09

Some babies just aren't crawlers. My dd was EBF and only started crawling a month just before she took off walking. But she was always among the top of her class.

My dgd was breastfed until she was two and never crawled. Also very bright and physically able.

golddustwomen Wed 07-Aug-19 16:13:16

I didn't bf either of mine.. first was very quick to crawl and walk, second a little slower. All babies are different no matter how they are fed. Tell him to shut the fuck up.

bananasaidso Wed 07-Aug-19 16:11:26

my BF baby started walking at 16/17 months, was a terrible sleeper till 18months until we stopped night feeds and sleep trained her. So yeah it depends on child not the milk.

AmericanLemonade Wed 07-Aug-19 16:11:24

Oh for goodness sakes

AmericanLemonade Wed 07-Aug-19 16:11:04

I was breastfed for a long time and didn’t walk until 14 months and I never crawled. DD was breastfed for less than a week and walked at 10 months and got put up a year at school - it means nothing!

Isatis Wed 07-Aug-19 16:09:48


Something tells me this issue has probably been resolved by now.

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