To be fuming about this comment(238 Posts)
DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.
After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.
For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.
AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!
Not RTFT but he's being an idiot
Both mine were ebf for a short time before being combi fed, stopped any BF with first by 3.5 months and second by 2 months
DD crawled at exactly 5 months two weeks - proper crawling too. She was walking by 10.5 months
DS (2nd baby ) crawling by 5 months 3 weeks and walked just before 12 months
My children’s Dad used to make comments like this. Only both my children were EBF, DS to six months, DD to 14 months. What he used to complain about was how restless they both were compared to his sisters children - who were FF. How well behaved his sisters children were compared to ours, how he wasn’t sure if EBF was the ideal when considering how energetic our children were and how they refused to sit still at meal times and always wanted to be on the move. He thought if he ever had another child he’d probably want them FF as FF are more content as they’re fuller.
I realise now he’s a complete idiot and am thankful every day he’s my ex but at the time I was just gutted. I remember saying to him after about the fifth time he said it “stop slagging your own kids off, stop comparing your children unfavourably to your sister’s children, do it to other people if you like but STFU to me because I don’t want to hear it”. As a PP asked, I would be interested to know if your DH has form for highly critical questions and comments?
Tell him HE can breast feed the child since he is so concerned about it. Otherwise STFU.
YANBU, and I definitely belong to the breast is best brigade.
DS was EBF and was nearly 17 months old when he walked!
My eldest is 7. I promise you I cannot tell out of his whole class who is breastfed or bottle fed. IMO it makes no difference at all
Punch him bloddy hell bf is not everything. My son was forumla fed and is developing fine. All babes development is different and thdt meet their milestone at different times
About your husband, I am sorry, it is a vulnerable place you are in, and he has not got your back. Must feel terrible. I'd suggest instead of punching, tell him how much that comment hurt you. Let's hope he's stupid instead of mean.
About crawling etc, I don't think there is any evidence that the age a baby starts crawling or walking is any indication of their overall intelligence, or later sports ability. Also if I remember right saying some words at 10 months is early? I know how easy it is for parents to get hung up on this stuff, but it really doesn't matter babies hit the milestones in their own rhythm. Babyhood is so magical and goes by so fast, try to just focus on that.
Such a cruel comment and just doesn't have any basis. Both mine were formula fed from birth, my first walked at 9.5 months and the second at 8.5 months. It was actually a complete disaster as they were just babies on legs with no idea of danger. We will all have antidotes of early/late walkers with both formula and breast fed. I hope you don't believe what he is saying.
I'd want to punch him too but it sounds deeper. He knows saying this would really hurt your feelings so why would he?
I think your husband has is either extremely insensitive or perhaps he is extremely insecure and neurotic about his role is all of this. However, because he hasn’t just fallen from the sky and surprisingly found himself to be a father of a 10 month old, so I wonder if he is intentionally aiming to create this exact reaction from you. Why was he at the group anyway?
I wonder if a stranger had said this to you would it have been different? And I suspect it would have been, because the stranger would have had no idea of the history and you feelings and lived experience of BF your child.
I suspect you husband says a lot of things like this and washes them away with apologies but the damage is done. Look how upset you are, this huge emotional reaction has occurred and he has already achieved the successful plantation of the seed of doubt.
I want to punch him but I would probably leave him.
Just put him straight. He's worried about your child. Reassure and educate him.
I have twins, born minutes apart and combo fed until 10 weeks before then being solely ff. one crawled at 7m, walked at 1, the other didn’t crawl until 1 and walk until 19m! The late crawler/Walker however has more words, is saying sentences and singing whole songs whereas the early mover is still exactly where he should
Be with talking but regardless, not as advanced as the other. Which just shows... they are all different!
Your 'D'H is an arsehole. I'm sorry BF didn't work for you. I had awful problems getting it established with both of my DC, but I'm far too lazy to bottle feed so I persevered. DS didn't ever crawl, he rolled himself, then went straight to cruising and walking (he seems to take pride on flouting the developmental stages, I don't think he's done a single thing when he's 'supposed' to ). DD is 7 months and commando crawling already, and not far off proper crawling. Makes no difference whatsoever. He needs to bugger off. If you want me to hold him while you get a few slugs in let me know.
Dear god aren't people stupid and horrid?! How vile for you to deal with her silliness. My nearly 20, I look back at this kind of gobbins and can't believe it exists. Even mum braggers at Gcse have kids that mostly go on to be very average.
He's a dick. Your baby is reaching its milestones.
Both of my friends with EBF babies are behind my EFF baby in development. Every baby is different. 🤷🏻♀️
I haven't had chance to RTFT, but just wanted to say, your H is a silly fool, yes we all know the benefits of breastfeeding, however I'm yet to see anything that says breastfed babies can do the riverdance before formula fed babies.
Your LO sounds like he is doing perfectly, my eldest commando crawled from 10mths until 14mths.....as he got to places quicker than trying to proper crawl or walk, the only problem was the bobbled tops ha! He didn't walk until 18mths, but when he did he was quite sturdy and confident quite quickly.
Babies do everything in their own time!
Wow what a cunt. I completely feel for you as I really struggled to BF; only managed 10 days let alone 12 weeks. It's something I still feel guilt over.... and DS is now 9!
For what it's worth, my broadly bottle-fed DS crawled properly and very quickly at around the middle of the 'normal' age; 7-8 months? He walked at the very end of normal, 16 months. He was far forwarder at talking to be honest. Now at 9 he is doing fine; it was on his 100 kids' books poster so he's started reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, and he loves it (although I'm embarrassed I forgot the neighbour says fuck at the start).
I seriously doubt if BFing can affect the speed at which these things are done when put next to the power of genetics. I think I read it can equate to a few IQ points or so?
Tell him it’s more likely the quality of his sperm that has caused slow development & not what baby consumes food wise.
And no your baby is not slow at all, all children are different, your husband sounds like a complete knobhead by the way.
My DS commando crawled and didn’t walk until he was 16 months. He was BF until 6 months. He is now 9 and has a reading and maths ability around age 11 and is very good at football. You son is not behind in any way and BF has nothing to do with it
My DD was EBF as was my DS until 6 months, my DD only ever 'proper crawled' on carpet, at home we had floor boards and she commando crawled almost always at home, she was well over 12 months when she walked, she was a very tiny baby.
My DS was an elephant, he just grew and grew, he crawled 'properly' almost from the time he started crawling and was around 11 months when he started walking.
All babies are different whether breast or bottle fed, crawling isn't even a recognised milestone here because not all babies do it, some will bum scoot, commando always etc. I would be very mad at my DH in that situation and very very upset, he was VVU to say what he did.
I had issues with breastfeeding and combo fed them both then onto formula full time when they were both around 3 months. DS didn't speak till after he was 2. DD couldn't walk till around 15 months. They are both now at school and above average in all subjects. His comment is completely out of line and quite frankly stupid. You did your best and in the end fed your baby the only way you could. Baby does not sound behind at all to me and nothing to worry about. So many factors come into child development and way a baby is fed a tiny tiny factor.
DD didn't walk for ages (close to two years old) and was breastfed. And yep, he shouldn't have said that, knowing it's something that you struggled with.
DD was behind, skipped crawling and went straight to cruising around then. Combination fed x I was formula fed and brightest kid in school. DH is obviously worried about stuff people have whispered in his ears (or he's a waste of space but hopefully not if you had a baby!).
I adore that he has a few days off work, goes to one playgroup, and is now a confirmed expert on child development.
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