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To be fuming about this comment

(277 Posts)
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:29:36

DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.

After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.

For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.

AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!

crow2018 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:52:42

YANBU my Ds was formula fed and was walking at 9 months, how they are fed has nothing to do with it

Grumpelstilskin Thu 21-Mar-19 14:52:44

Happy to give you an alibi and old carpet if you need it....

NWQM Thu 21-Mar-19 14:53:42

I'm trying to brew up a withering put down about your son's paternal genes clearly letting him down....but.....oh what the heck yes, punch away!

TheVanguardSix Thu 21-Mar-19 14:53:50

Tell your DH and his veiled criticism (of his own wife and child, mind!) to fuck off into the sunset together.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 21-Mar-19 14:54:13

I would have ripped him a new one on the spot.

HappyDinosaur Thu 21-Mar-19 14:54:52

My breast fed baby is 10 months and can crawl a little but not much at all. She simply doesn't like it, preferring to try to stand, I think each baby is different and your DH should apologise for being unthoughtful.

TheVanguardSix Thu 21-Mar-19 14:55:19

Actually, it's not even veiled, is it?
Punch 'til that rock don't shine, OP.

JellyBaby666 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:55:25

What a knob.

Well done you for not lampooning him at the baby group.

7circlemats Thu 21-Mar-19 14:55:50

He's an idiot. My daughter was combination fed, she walked by 9 months.

JellyBaby666 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:56:10

Oh and my nephew didn't crawl. Went from bum shuffling to walking, never crawled, and breastfed for a year. So tell him to knob off and put the kettle on!

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:57:27

I've settled for suggesting he spend a bit more time parenting and less time pissing me off and have earned myself a rare afternoon to myself whilst he takes DS somewhere and no doubt tries to teach him to crawl better hmm

EnglishRose13 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:57:40

My son was formula fed and now, at almost 3, I have absolutely no recollection of when he started crawling.

Your son isn't behind at all. Your husband needs to learn that comparing babies is pointless.

7circlemats Thu 21-Mar-19 14:57:40

Also my friend EBF her son and he didn't walk until well after 1 year old.

username4858 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:58:03

I Ebf my DD she didn't crawl until she almost 10 months! I remember worrying about it but never thought it was anything to do with how she was fed. Every baby is different.
Now she's almost 2 and can out run me shock I now think how silly I was worrying about it.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin Thu 21-Mar-19 14:59:14

He should really read a book on child development.

JammieCodger Thu 21-Mar-19 14:59:25

Punch away. I’ll take a swing too, if that’s ok by you?

I was lucky enough to have both my babies get the hang of breastfeeding. One was walking at 9 months, the other (BFd till she was 3 years old) failed her 8 month check because she couldn’t support her own weight, didn’t crawl til she was one and didn’t walk until 22 months. She also has asthma and eczema. So he can take his ‘benefits of breastfeeding’ and stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine.

LailaByron Thu 21-Mar-19 15:01:06

I bottle fed all of mine (couldn’t breastfeed unfortunately as hard as I tried!) eldest DD was walking at 9 months. 2DD had a wonderful vocabulary very early on. DS has been an amazing footballer since aged 3. DD1 at uni doing amazingly well. 2 youngest in high sets for everything across the board.

I don’t think being bottle fed held any of them back in any way, shape or form. What a plonker....

blackteasplease Thu 21-Mar-19 15:02:07

What a twat! I thought he was going to make the opposite argument - that babies were held back by bf because it takes longer and they spend more time feeding. Which would also be bollocks but there would be some warped logic there.

He is totally u and v hurtful.

BollocksToBrexit Thu 21-Mar-19 15:04:10

Tell him that actually the research shows that the babies who are the most developmentally advanced are those who spend the most time in the sole care of their fathers.

prettypossums Thu 21-Mar-19 15:05:47

FWIW, my cleverest and most sporty DC was also much slower than the others to both crawl and walk, there's no link to future ability or intelligence.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson Thu 21-Mar-19 15:07:38

Jesus wept! Punch away.

I gave up after a week and broke my heart because I couldn’t find a way to make it work for us. Lots of issues meant a starving baby, little milk produced and my mental health at breaking point. My DH was nothing but supportive.

I know there are so many benefits to breast feeding and I agonised over my decision because of the health benefits and immune system boosts but then I remembered my friend formula fed the two healthiest kids I know and my SIL exclusivly breastfed my DN’s and they’re always sick! Quickie realises each child and situation is different

prettypossums Thu 21-Mar-19 15:08:11

downcasteyes Thu 21-Mar-19 15:08:13

"I've settled for suggesting he spend a bit more time parenting and less time pissing me off"

Nicely played, OP. wine

FizzyGreenWater Thu 21-Mar-19 15:08:44

So he doesn't spend much actual time with your DS then?

Because only a very uninvolved dad would make comments comparing baby development - it's the kind of thing a non parent might think who has spent absolutely no time with babies. There's no comparison. Crawling rates?! grin eeek - he needs to spend more actual time with his son, and other babies too. Embarrassing!!!!!

burgundyjumper Thu 21-Mar-19 15:09:50

Others have got there before me but I'll say it anyway.

He's a twat.

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