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To be fuming about this comment

(277 Posts)
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:29:36

DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.

After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.

For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.

AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!

peachgreen Thu 21-Mar-19 14:33:21

Punch away. Hurtful and utter bollocks. Your DS isn't behind at all.

PCohle Thu 21-Mar-19 14:34:58

He sounds like a total dick. Slagging you off for something you couldn't control and are already upset about is wildly unhelpful. Does he think he would magically have done a better job if he could have BF?

The NHS sets out the benefits of breastfeeding here - Making your baby really good at crawling isn't one of them, shockingly.

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:35:47

Thank you, just polishing my chunkiest costume ring for optimal punching effect.

justthecat Thu 21-Mar-19 14:36:21

I’ve had 3 dc and didn’t breastfeed any of them, they all walked by 8 months.( its a statement, not a brag,I promise!)
It is completely irrelevant to your ds progression.
Be proud he is a happy little boy, you’re obviously doing well bringing him up.

MustStopSnacking28 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:36:27

I could have written this post apart from the hurtful comments from your DH. My baby is 10 months and exactly the same sort of stuff but not crawling yet and also couldn’t breastfeed for longer than six weeks due to me needing to take medication. I would be very very upset by that sort of comment from my DH, it’s a crock of shit IMO anyway, isn’t all the research supposed to be about later on in life like test results etc? He is being the opposite of supportive to you.

thebabessavedme Thu 21-Mar-19 14:37:41

sounds like your dh was formula fed! grin punch him right up the bracket!

SparkleJoy Thu 21-Mar-19 14:39:04

Nope totally understandable to be upset. If it helps my daughter is EBF and no where near crawling at 8 months yet my nephew born day after who is FF is already crawling. Every baby is different and develop at their own pace!

3boysandabump Thu 21-Mar-19 14:39:16

I have 4 dc. The one who crawled first was the one who bf least.

He really has no right to have a say on bf at all as he is not the one doing it. Even if you'd not bf at all for no other reason than you didn't want to that's your business because they're your boobs.

What he said was way out of order and a total crock of shit.

CostanzaG Thu 21-Mar-19 14:39:22

What a dick! Firstly, he's not behind and secondly, bf doesn't make a difference as to when a baby will crawl!

Kaddm Thu 21-Mar-19 14:39:35

OP both my dc were ebf and never crawled at all. Your dh is being very nasty.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 21-Mar-19 14:40:04

What a load of absolute crap.
And what a fucking hurtful thing to say.
I didn't breastfeed my DD at all.
She was having none of it.
Other reasons too.
But.... she was walking at 10 months.
It was a friggin PITA.
I always say to friends or people with younger kids to be careful what you wish for!
Your DH is a dickhead - I HTH!!!

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Thu 21-Mar-19 14:40:15

I think that dads (generally assuming they are not the primary carer) have a tendency to fret about their DCs progress because they're rarely with them together with other babies, and see differences that are not visible to the primary caregiver.

However - that is no excuse for his comments which are a) bollocks and b) crass.

He can do all the nighttimes for at least a week, wouldn't you say?

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:41:29

DH was breastfed by chainsmoking MIL who also loves the wine so probably would have been better off with formula! (But that's a whole different thread)

Thank you for your comments.

DS is a lovely happy, smiley and gorgeous baby so I'm not too worried.

Feel quite hurt by his comments and stand by my urge to punch him. Hard.

BlueMerchant Thu 21-Mar-19 14:42:50

Leave the pig at home next time reading up on child development.

BlackPrism Thu 21-Mar-19 14:43:00

Your DP is a twat, what would be like you to do about the lack of breastfeeding? Turn back time and grow new boobs l?

DoneLikeAKipper Thu 21-Mar-19 14:44:22

I breastfed both of mine. Wish someone had let my second know you’re meant to be some crawling/walking prodigy because of how they’re fed, because he was pretty much an immobile dumpling until about 1. Unfortunately he’s now (at 15 months) the complete opposite, and under the impression he’s Spider-Man with his amazing climbing skills. I miss the immobile dumpling.

You baby is very very very likely completely normal, and this is 100% nothing to do with how they’re fed. If your husband needs his mind put at ease, he can arrange an appointment with the HV (who will hopefully tell him to get a grip, in their most professional manner).

NewSchoolNewName Thu 21-Mar-19 14:45:48

Breastfeeding has absolutely nothing to do with how soon a baby learns to crawl! What a ridiculous thing for your DH to say!

Plus your DS doesn’t sound like he’s behind from your description anyway.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:46:00

Well if he's so keen he can try to lactate and breastfeed then. Wanker.

mynameissleepy Thu 21-Mar-19 14:47:44

If anyone is behind, it's your DH.

He's a dick and a stupid one at that.

It makes zero difference...I say that as someone who has done both. I don't think teachers could point out the breastfed children vs the formula fed ones.

Expressedways Thu 21-Mar-19 14:48:55

What a horrible and completely inaccurate thing for him to say. Did you ask him why he said it?
And not that it’s a competition but my formula fed DD was walking at 10 months.

oh4forkssake Thu 21-Mar-19 14:49:06


No court would convict you.

One of mine crawled and the other didn't. Both EBF til 6 months despite my best bloody efforts to get them to take a bottle

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:49:37

DS sleeps through mostly so no nighttime's to do really! The two babies who are better crawlers are not very good sleepers. Which I have pointed out to DH - all babies are different!

FullOfJellyBeans Thu 21-Mar-19 14:50:19

YANBU I'm a big proponent of breastfeeding but he's being ridiculous and also obnoxious. I can totally understand him looking at other babies and feeling anxious about DS's development. Lots of people do that at some point but he's very unreasonable to take his anxiety out on you. DS sounds well within normal range. Some will crawl at 5 months some will still not be moving much at 1. Both varieties of babies will have some breastfed and some formula fed amongst their numbers.

BitchQueen90 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:50:42

I breastfed DS and he didn't start walking until well past a year old. Tell your DH to piss off.

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