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To expect my best friend to make more effort with my LG

(65 Posts)
popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 12:21:57

Background: I have been best friends with her since we were 7 years old and we have both been through a lot together. We speak almost daily via text message, live in the same town (about 5 mins from each other) and see each other most weeks at a gym class we go to.
My LG is 11 months old and she has met her probably a handful of times. My LG has no idea who she is and this upsets me considering we are so close. She will ask me occasionally how she is doing but other than that it's like she doesn't exist (she doesn't have children of her own yet). It is unreasonable of me to expect her to make a bit more of an effort to get to know her?

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 12:57:14

@Lifeover the opposite actually I don't mention my child unless asked. I don't want to bore people.

BluebadgenPIP Thu 21-Mar-19 12:57:16

What everyone else said. Sorry.

My best friend has met my DD a couple of times in passing. She asks about them but she’s my friend not DDs friend.

Orangecookie Thu 21-Mar-19 12:57:53

Yabu because even though your child is your whole world, you can’t expect others to feel even slightly how you feel. It’s okay, she’s your daughter, not your friends.

Let it go and your friendship will blossom.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 12:59:40

@DoneLikeAKipper yes she loves kids and can't wait to start trying for a family when her and her Oh complete on their first home. She is very close to her two young nieces and tells me all about them and what they've been doing or funny things they've said whether I ask or not.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:00:25

@Demaindeslaube no need for the sarcasm. Thanks.

wheretheydwell Thu 21-Mar-19 13:01:01

Sorry but you really are being very unreasonable. As PP said, she is your friend not your daughters. She may have no interest in children and not really have anything much to say about them. She probably can't really empathise with or understand if you took about motherhood as you are talking about something she has no experience of.
Personally, I have really valued keeping up with my friends without kids as it is lovely to have conversations not centred on children!

TrendyNorthLondonTeen Thu 21-Mar-19 13:01:45

How do you get to know an 11 month old?

SuziQ10 Thu 21-Mar-19 13:02:26

I can see it from your point of view. I would like my close friends to be interested in spending time with me and my child, come over and hang out with us all and be a part of our extended family.
Let her know that she's always welcome at yours, that it would be nice to have her over, suggest you could make lunch for her etc. So that she knows she has a place there with you.
If she's not keen, that's fine, but you've done what you can. And you can still do things separately too.

Creatureofthenight Thu 21-Mar-19 13:02:41

YANBU. If someone is my friend I am interested in what is important to them. Your DD is important to you so it’s not unreasonable that you should want your best friend to be interested.
However, your friend may not like being around children, or feel uncomfortable so I wouldn’t push it - maybe invite her round for coffee so they can spend a little time together? But you can’t make her be interested if she’s not.

wheretheydwell Thu 21-Mar-19 13:02:57

Well, it sound like her nieces are older and more interactive than an 11 month old.

I think you really need to question why you feel the need for her to be invested in your child.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:03:02

@NoooorthonerMum that's true. I probably just had an idea of how we would be with our kids and am obviously being unreasonable in my expectations 🙈

DoneLikeAKipper Thu 21-Mar-19 13:03:13

@popsadaisy, she might be bugging up the relationship, or perhaps she just wants an adult friendship with you? She’s your friend, not your child’s, and you have to decide how important that is to you. If she ever does have children, you may find her to completely change, but no point really playing it’s and buts.

ShitAtScarbble Thu 21-Mar-19 13:04:45

Completely unreasonable I'm afraid. There is little as tedious as other people's precious children.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:05:18

@Alsohuman very true!!!

NutElla5x Thu 21-Mar-19 13:06:47

Blimey op some of my friends don't even ask about my kids! And it really doesn't bother me,especially as the ones that do are probably just being polite and not particularly interested anyway just as, apart from hoping that they're well obviously,I'm not that interested in theirs if I'm honest. Your child being the centre of your world naturally,but don't take it as a slight that she's not the centre of your friends.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:06:52

@chillpizza in my opinion nieces and nephews are important and I'd certainly make more of an effort than that but that's just a difference in opinion I guess.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 21-Mar-19 13:07:40

Ah bless you OP.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
My best friend had a baby and we do loads together now.
They come as a package most of the time and that's fine with me.
He's lovely and I'm his god mum!
She's a fab mum and I love them both dearly.
We do, of course, still have our adult times as well.
But this would offend me too!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 21-Mar-19 13:11:37

Bottom line, @popsadaisy - do you value the friendship and want to keep it? If so, you have to accept that she isn't terribly interested in your child.

If I were you, I would keep the friendship and enjoy the time being popsadaisy, not Mum.

amusedbush Thu 21-Mar-19 13:12:37

I only see my nephew on special occasions (birthdays/family celebrations and gatherings)

I see my own mother less than that, never mind kids in the family grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 Thu 21-Mar-19 13:12:39

I think it’s probably due to her not having any dc to a large degree. Why would she want to get to know her really? Other people’s dc hold very little interest to most adults other than the odd question or to smile at a photograph you show them.

Don’t take it personally, it sounds like you have a great friendship!

Stawp Thu 21-Mar-19 13:17:18

I love my daughter, my nephews, and my best-friends children but I have to feign interest in anyone else's. (My best-friend has always been the sister I wanted though, instead of the shitty one I got by blood.)

Most of my Mum friend's are unfortunately saddled with constantly whingy babies who look like aliens...I can only pretend politely to connect with them. They're just boring to me.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:18:00

@hellsbellsmelons glad it's not just me, was starting to think it was 🙈 we are more like sisters and always have been so I find it odd that she doesn't know the most closest person to me. I don't expect us to spend all of our time talking about her at all I think other posters are slightly over reacting and taken what I've said out of context.

popsadaisy Thu 21-Mar-19 13:20:47

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I haven't said at any point that I would end the friendship over it. I love her and value her so would never do that.

Lungelady Thu 21-Mar-19 13:28:45

YES (most posters)

chillpizza Thu 21-Mar-19 13:31:10

To be fair I see my nephew more than my own brother grin I just don’t like other people’s children so shoot me wine

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