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Nightmare neighbours! Intrusive, aren't they?

(92 Posts)
leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 11:10:01

This is the second time now I've been questioned "Is everything okay?" with a concerned face to boot!

And I've only moved in recently.

It's about DS, he has absolutely turned a switch. He became 15 months old and suddenly my sweet, innocent boy went. He is now a very loud screechy thing. Lots and lots of tantrums. It sounds like I'm murdering him at times. The reality is I'm trying to put his clothes on, or more annoyingly for him, his nappy.

From birth, he has always been one of those babies who's cry sounds heartbreaking and severe. All cries sound very dramatic, like he's seriously hurt. Family always find it quite funny. You can never tell if he's actually hurt himself because all cries are equally dramatic as the next 

I love being his mum but these toddler times are testing me, and I'm sure the worst is yet to doom upon me.

However, it's really difficult when I now know very well that next door thing I'm bloody abusing him or just not coping.

I was first asked by next door and his partner "Is everything okay?" A little whilst ago. And now, I've just been asked again. He knocked on my door to ask!

I answered and he said something like "Is everything alright? I've heard a lot of crying".

I explained DS had to get out of the bath and wasn't impressed. Therefore, he puts on a show of absolute hysterics.

The response I got was "Okay, please let me know if there's anything I can do, or anything you need". And off he went.

AIBU to say it's a bit intrusive? It's really stressing me out. DS must have two personalities because he's quiet, smiley, kind and a shared in public and with friends/family.

KC225 Thu 21-Mar-19 11:15:03

I think YABU - Is everything OK, let me know if you need anything is not intrusive. I think its being neighbourly.

DontCallMeCharlotte Thu 21-Mar-19 11:15:33

Do the neighbours have children? Or older children and they don't know or have forgotten what toddlers do?

Our lovely neighbour actually called the police on my Mum once because my brother was screaming the place down. She was washing his hair!

leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 11:15:58

KC Yes, in a general sense. But they're only asking because of DS and his histrionics.

Of which I've explained to them before

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 21-Mar-19 11:16:40

They’re probably mumsnetters! grin this is exactly the advice given to anyone who posts about their next door baby crying. They said “why don’t you knock and ask if they need a hand with anything?” grin

leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 11:16:44

Dont Oh wow! What did your mum say? I'd have been mortified.

Yes they do have children, 3 of them

adulthumanwolf Thu 21-Mar-19 11:17:54

They're probably trying to gently complain about the noise.

Not that you can really do much about it.

leaveyou Thu 21-Mar-19 11:17:58

ILove Ahh, yes. I best watch my back, just in case they log it with 111 grin

MayFayner Thu 21-Mar-19 11:18:07

Maybe I’ve become cynical after having DC3 who is now 3 but has been exactly as you describe your DS, but... imo “is everything ok” is a noise complaint angry

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 21-Mar-19 11:18:33

I know it may be difficult but neighbours showing concern is a good thing.

BeanBag7 Thu 21-Mar-19 11:19:22

YABU it sounds like they are trying to be helpful/ understanding while also (subtly?) Letting you know that they can hear him screaming. Also it's only happened twice, it's not like they're coming over every day

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 21-Mar-19 11:19:24

just in case they log it with 111 grin

Yep! grin

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 21-Mar-19 11:20:30

People who turned a blind eye allowed the abusers of Baby P and Victoria Climbe to thrive.

People cant do right for doing wrong, get involved or turn a blind eye ? It's a dilema, but better they asked than just called 101/111/SS/NSPCC which would be the immediate advice here.

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 21-Mar-19 11:22:21

And yes, this is definitely a noise complaint. No-one knocks on their neighbours door because they actually want to “help”. grin they would probably fall over in shock and outrage if you said “yes could you take him for half an hour so I can go somewhere there is no screaming?”

CrabbitCrone Thu 21-Mar-19 11:23:45

I think the NSPCC encourage you to phone them if you hear a child crying.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 21-Mar-19 11:24:34

I would knock and expect to help, raising children can be very hard. My youngest cried for hours and hours and it was hard to cope when I was on my own. Friends would have been lovely.

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 21-Mar-19 11:26:16

I think the NSPCC encourage you to phone them if you hear a child crying

That cannot possibly be their advice!

Kedgeree Thu 21-Mar-19 11:27:04

And yes, this is definitely a noise complaint. No-one knocks on their neighbours door because they actually want to “help”. they would probably fall over in shock and outrage if you said “yes could you take him for half an hour so I can go somewhere there is no screaming?”

This ^^

icelollycraving Thu 21-Mar-19 11:27:52

I know it must be frustrating but people need to offer help more. I had experience of my neighbours knocking my door, after my boyfriend at the time was drunk and abusive. I was v grateful.

NoCauseRebel Thu 21-Mar-19 11:28:47

The thing is that people can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes. Often when children are abused it turns out that the neighbours will say something along the lines of “well, I heard a lot of screaming but didn’t like to ask/intrude,” meaning that the abuse goes unreported sometimes until it’s too late. sad.

Or alternatively if a child cries a lot because there is something wrong with them asking can seem to be intrusive.

My lovely neighbours have a baby who screams and screams and screams and has done since birth. I am absolutely certain that they are not abusing him, however I do wonder whether he may have some health problems as it’s generally not that common for a baby to scream as much as he does, he’s approaching his first birthday now and screams that high pitched scream for large parts of the day and two or three times a night. I absolutely feel for them and have offered for the mum to pop round any time for a cup of tea etc as she’s currently still at home with him, but it would never enter on to my thinking to ask if everything was ok because it really isn’t my business to do so, and I know from talking to the dad that he is paranoid about the neighbours being able to hear the baby crying as the neighbours on the other side have apparently said things to that effect.

But I don’t necessarily think that wen people do ask it is meant to be intrusive.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Thu 21-Mar-19 11:30:57

Please ask them to have him for a bit,their faces would be a picture grin

HennyPennyHorror Thu 21-Mar-19 11:33:11

One of mine was histrionic. A hairwash sounded like bloody murder....literally! You do have my sympathy.

ToEarlyForDecorations Thu 21-Mar-19 11:35:58

People who turned a blind eye allowed the abusers of Baby P and Victoria Climbe to thrive.

I doubt this thread is going to last much longer.

However, the only poster so far to catch the subtlety of it actually being a noise complaint, is probably nearer the truth. At least the neighbour spoke to you to your face, OP.

To often in situations like this, everyone else including neighbours, has been bullied into silence. Either actually or by implication/coercion.

Simple statement - no criticism of OP or anyone else: Child abusers are also master manipulators.

Yabbers Thu 21-Mar-19 11:36:15

Might not be a complaint. If I heard a toddler constantly tantrumming, I’d call on the neighbour to see if they are coping ok.

You said yourself you were struggling with the toddler phase, isn’t it nice for someone to recognise that and offer some help? Maybe they just remember how it was and want to offer support.

PCohle Thu 21-Mar-19 11:40:12

I agree that it's a polite noise complaint / checking on you rather than going straight to SS (as would be the advice here half the time).

I appreciate it's annoying for you but it's much less annoying than the alternatives and frankly I think if you do start getting shirty and defensive with them they are more likely to think contacting the police/SS is necessary.

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