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To want to run away from this life?

(9 Posts)
Home77 Thu 21-Mar-19 17:49:41

It sounds hard. Maybe when you split and are care things might be easier as you can get a break, or sort out some child care or school in future which helps with your Dc's needs. Kind thoughts

IntentsAndPorpoises Thu 21-Mar-19 14:52:03

It has been a little easier since dd was diagnosed, but I wouldn't say it has got easier. She doesn't sleep well and as she gets older there are more issues with school because of less play based learning, more pressure with friendships, SATs etc.

3in4years Thu 21-Mar-19 10:06:52

Just to share some empathy. My dh also has asd and depression and is hard to live with. I have 3 dc. Aged 5, 3 and 1.
3yo displays autistic tendencies, is not easy.
1yo still breastfeeding all night.
I am due to go back to work soon but I don't love my job.
No family nearby.
It's hard. I feel like everything rests on me. You make me wonder if it gets harder rather than easier as they grow up?
Thank goodness the 5yo is an absolute dream!

IntentsAndPorpoises Thu 21-Mar-19 09:59:50

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking no, and I realise not everything will disappear. However he doesn't cope with her very well. Because they are both so fixed in their mindset they frequently clash they cannot compromise or see anything other than what they want. Whereas me and ds can see when there is a need to bend a little, choose your battles etc. Dh can't do that. So often he will wind her up and then walk off exclaiming that he can't deal with her.

He still tried to discipline a lot of her behaviour that is associated with her ASD. I keep talking to him about it, but it's like banging my head against a brick wall.

He's only just started helping with bedtime etc, under duress because I forced him to.

Family live far away and all work. They do help out in holidays, sometimes having the kids overnight. We'll my parents do. His parents won't because of dd.

I was 3 days until recently, but I really didn't enjoy the days off as they were completely taken up with chores. If I ever didn't dh would get stroppy about money and the reason I was part time.

KMoKMo Thu 21-Mar-19 09:40:33

**Having a break doesn't help, I recently went away for work for a couple of days. It was wonderful, went to dinner with a friend, had proper conversation, sleep, felt like an actual person. But then when I come back it's so much harder, because I suppose I know what I am missing.

Is it harder when you get back though because your breaks are so rare? If it was a consistent break it might give you something to look forward to rather than dreading having to go back to it.
I think it’s normal to feel like that. I feel like it and I don’t have a partner or children with ASD.
Are the kids at school? Would dropping one day a week at work give you time to get on top of the chores while the kids aren’t around rather than trying to juggle both?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 21-Mar-19 09:36:05

I fantasise about just driving away from it all.

Everything with dd is a struggle and a battle in, getting her dressed every day, getting her into school/childcare (lots of school refusal), getting her to bed and to sleep (terrible sleep, wakes a lot in night). Weekends are still a battle to get her to do anything other than watch TV or play Minecraft or generally stay in the house. Going out means meltdowns. It's so fucking exhausting.

If you seperate, will you be leaving DD with DH?

gamerchick Thu 21-Mar-19 09:32:25

You will probably find things a bit easier to deal with once your ex is out of your head. He's taking a fair bit of space up so there's no room for the rest. Start there. Things might be more easier to deal with when the tension is gone from the house.

DarklyDreamingDexter Thu 21-Mar-19 09:27:05

I think it probably is normal to feel that way under the circumstances you describe, which do sound hard. Do you have any support from family or in laws who could maybe help you? Are there any local support groups you could tap into? Eg. For parents with children with special needs?

IntentsAndPorpoises Thu 21-Mar-19 08:15:06

Of course I am and I won't really do it. But I feel so trapped and suffocated and fed up.

Short version--unhappy marriage (I've started planning separation) to man who most likely has ASD, but behaviour has been emotionally abusive. 2 dc, one with diagnosed ASD. Everything with dd is a struggle and a battle in, getting her dressed every day, getting her into school/childcare (lots of school refusal), getting her to bed and to sleep (terrible sleep, wakes a lot in night).

Weekends are still a battle to get her to do anything other than watch TV or play Minecraft or generally stay in the house. Going out means meltdowns. It's so fucking exhausting. I genuinely look forward to work!

Having a break doesn't help, I recently went away for work for a couple of days. It was wonderful, went to dinner with a friend, had proper conversation, sleep, felt like an actual person. But then when I come back it's so much harder, because I suppose I know what I am missing.

I work full time, but I love my job. It is the only part of my life I find enjoyable and fulfilling. When I talk to friends about finding it hard they suggest part time. I don't want to work part time, I don't want to spend more time at home doing cleaning, housework, all the associated crap.

I fantasise about just driving away from it all. Separating from dh might help with some bits, but not all. It's not normal to feel like this is it?

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