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AIBU?

To want to suffocate my DP?

48 replies

mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:28

He just won't stop snoring! It's so frustrating I honestly want to scream.

And to top it off he has a cold so his nose is blocked and it's making the snoring louder

He doesn't believe he has a problem even though I've recorded how loud it is and he gets angry when I mention the problem.

The other morning it was particularly bad at 5.30am so I tapped him, he woke up and swore at me and spoke to me quite nastily. He doesn't remember this at all but now I'm worried to wake him up to tell him to stop..

What do I do!? I need some sleep.

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pregnantandhuge · 20/03/2019 23:31

Make him sleep elsewhere! Unfair that he's not doing anything about it.

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gamerchick · 20/03/2019 23:32

That's how I got my own bedroom. People who won't aknowledge their snoring or even attempt to stop are selfish fuckers and can't whinge when their bed partner sleeps elsewhere.

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:32

@pregnantandhuge I am seriously considering sleeping on the couch or having a few night at my mums just so I can get some decent sleep!

He's so in denial about it I just don't know what to do. It's his problem but I'm having to do something about it

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:34

@gamerchick god I wish we had a spare bedroom! To be able to sleep in a completely silent room would be bliss

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crazycatlady5 · 20/03/2019 23:34

Earplugs and/or white noise.

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tiredandcold · 20/03/2019 23:35

Ltb

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Smotheroffive · 20/03/2019 23:36

I would OP. Leave the selfish fucker oh sorry, selfish ignorant fucker.

Is he normally this nasty?

Go and get yourself some sleep and tell the world why you can't sleep in your own bed,shame the fucker!

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Chouetted · 20/03/2019 23:37

You may have to resort to homicide.

I wouldn't take the swearing to heart, it doesn't sound like he was really, truly awake.

The real problem is his inability to admit he has a problem. For now, one or the other of you needs to find somewhere else to sleep, even if that's you - sleep deprivation won't help you resolve it!

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:37

I've put my earphones in and have relaxing sounds playing in the background.

Most nights this is the only way I can sleep.

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greenlynx · 20/03/2019 23:37

YANBU, not because he’s snoring but because he swore and spoke nastily to you.

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:38

I don't know what else I can do to make him aware it's becoming a problem. He just doesn't care.

It's like he's embarrassed he's clearly got an issue

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pregnantandhuge · 20/03/2019 23:39

My OH snores too and has slept on the sofa for months because of it (but says it's my fault I'm a light sleeper rather than accept its coz he snores like a boar). Last couple of nights he's been sleeping in the bed and I've had to go to the sofa, even though I've tried wearing headphones - he's so loud and refuses to believe it or do anything about it! Really annoying.

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Babdoc · 20/03/2019 23:41

Send him to his GP. Snoring can be a serious health risk, increasing the chance of stroke. There are many causes, but it often helps to lose weight, avoid alcohol in the evening, stop smoking, and try simple measures such as nasal decongestants or nasal airways that you can buy online. Dentists can provide jaw supports that help. A referral to the sleep laboratory may show the need for a cpap machine to use every night, to prevent sleep apnoea if the snoring is very bad.
There is much that can be done to help, but your DH needs to go and ask for it.

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:41

I'm wondering if some nasal strips would benefit him.

Has anyone tried these before? Are they effective?

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:42

@Babdoc he's at the GP tomorrow so I'm going to get him to mention it. Whether or not he will is a different matter.

Like I said he's in denial about the problem

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Smotheroffive · 20/03/2019 23:46

I'm sorry, but they guys being talked of on here simply don't care about you!!!!

I do believe that if they complained (and they would, believe me) that you had kept them awake,they WOULd wake you up, and tell you every single time you did it and they would kick you straight out of bed!

They don't care that they keep you awake and destroy your health.

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Smotheroffive · 20/03/2019 23:47

How does that feel that they don't give a damn!

You seriously would know if they were worried about their negative effect on you

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Chouetted · 20/03/2019 23:47

I'd consider writing a letter to the GP and asking him to take it with him and give it to them. That way he can't minimise it, and if he comes out still with the letter, it will be obvious he hasn't taken it seriously.

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Chouetted · 20/03/2019 23:49

Also, there's something very sobering about the written word - he may feel defensive, and want to run away from conversations, but a letter will linger in his thoughts and be there to come back to after the initial reaction has faded.

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mcjx · 20/03/2019 23:49

He's snoring so loud he's actually waking himself up. This is a first!

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MyKingdomForBrie · 20/03/2019 23:51

Sorry to OP and other posters saying things like 'he won't believe it' or 'how to make him aware' - they know full well they just do not care - what does that say about the relationship? I certainly wouldn't be staying with a man who just didn't give a fuck about me.

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Smotheroffive · 21/03/2019 00:03

Right,so its been accepted he's not taking it seriously he doesn't give a .....

How does that feel?
He doesn't want to hear you moaning on about how you can't sleep, he wants you to just get over yourself and stfu
Nice

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Connieston · 21/03/2019 00:04

CPAP machines are a total game changer but it does need him to buy in via sleep clinic via GP or literally a few hundred quid to sort it privately.

He'll feel a ton better afterwards too though.

Honestly - apart from a gentle puffing noise he'll be quiet as a mouse.

Better than nasal strips, ear plugs or anything like that.

I agree that it shows a lack of respect for him to disregard how disruptive it is for you.

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doradiamond · 21/03/2019 00:08

My DH uses nasal strips and they've been life-changing. If he's waking himself up though, it's now becoming a health issue as he might have sleep apnea which causes him to partially stop breathing during the night.

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OffToBedhampton · 21/03/2019 00:12

@mcjx

Good luck tomorrow at GP. Snoring is awful if it keeps you awake. I feel your pain as my DP/DH of 18 years refused to do anything about it. And if you listen to them (i spent hours and hours listening, it doesn't sound heathy as interferes with breathing)

I used to go to bed before my snoring (now) XH and be fast asleep. He woke up our 3 DC in their different bedrooms as his snoring was so loud, like there was building work going on ! I slept through most of it but regularly was woken up by kids or him (I'm a bit deaf and a heavy sleeper but not through children crying as they'd been woken up by pneumatic drill and even I couldn'rlt sleep through his noise once woken most nights early hours at some point)

I'd say "turn over" a few times in early hours every night, gently shake his shoulder and whisper "just flipping turn over snory!"

He never once woke up when even kids were wailing for 30+mins (with me settling them as i'd wake up!) merrily snoring his way through the night.

I get why you want to smother your DH! I divorced mine (but not for his snoring, tempting though that was!). Having good night's sleep since has been a bonus!!