AIBU to be furious with my boss?(102 Posts)
I work in a role I’m not strictly qualified for, but for which I get paid a lot less than an experienced would be. The company I work for has made hundreds of redundancies and my job was a ‘promotion’ to a position they couldn’t afford to fill, and which I’m doing well and also undertaking training and education to help me further.
For some reason, when a new manager took over the area she took a dislike to me and has been on my case constantly. It’s like she’s always looking for a way to trip me up or catch me out, but I don’t know why. If they wanted to get rid of me they’d be able to put me back in my old role and I’d be happy enough.
So as not to drip feed... I don’t want to say exactly what the job is as it’s very outing, but it’s a middle level job. Usually you’d have a degree to do it, or a substantial amount of experience, but I’m getting paid a couple of thousand pounds a year less than I would if I had those.
The manager keeps turning up ‘for an unofficial chat’ with a member of the HR team and I really feel like I’m being harassed. They do things like telling me ‘we need to have a meeting tomorrow’ but then I won’t hear from them until right before the end of the day. I’ll spend all day worrying about what the problem might be, and then they’ll leave me hanging all day before just turning up and asking about things they’ve already asked about. They’re checking my internet usage (there was one occasion in which I looked at a website that they didn’t think was relevant to my job, but when I showed them what it related to there was no issue, and one where I checked my personal email during my lunch break). They’re not doing this to any of my colleagues and have even told me directly that they’re watching me, but they never answer why.
Anyway the AIBU:
A few days ago I left work at my usual time (I finish early one day a week - always have in the four years I’ve been there) and went home. Twenty or so minutes later I realised I’d left something in my car, which was parked on the roadside. I went out and as I opened my car I noticed my boss’s car parked further down the road. I didn’t acknowledge it, and just went back inside. My phone then rang and she asked where I was because I was supposed to be in a meeting with her. No meeting had been arranged, and it was outside my work hours. I told her I was at home and she said ‘I know, we’re sitting outside your house.’ I was quite stunned and when she said she’d speak to me at work the next day (which again didn’t happen until the end of the day) I just let her end the call.
I tried to raise the issue of her being outside my house but it got brushed over and I was so flummoxed by everything that I sort of didn’t notice until afterwards. But, should she have had access to my address? Phone number? Should she have been allowed to turn up at my house? She didn’t even knock at the door! My thoughts are that this is against GDPR and that it’s also harassment, but I don’t want to make my life even more unbearable at work by causing a fuss if she’s done nothing wrong.
I agree, written complaint and make clear next time is police time.
It’s absolutely batshit, isn’t it? I was so close to convincing myself that I was BU because she just doesn’t stop! There are four or five people in HR but it’s always the same one who turns up with her to have an ‘informal chat’ with me. They’ve raised issues about my hours, even though they’re stipulated in my contract, and then even after we’ve had a minuted meeting in which they’ve asked about them, they’ve still asked about them again since. I don’t know what has led to this situation at all!
Wow this sounds bloody stressful! You've got great advice. Keep a cool head.
Thank you so much everyone. I’m going to call acas and also speak to the HR manager. I’ll come back and update if I get any further!
What is it about your hours they keep discussing? Do you know if they're harassing anyone else? Does new manager perhaps have a mate in mind for your job? Where did new boss come from? Do you know anyone she used to work with? What does everyone else say about all this (presuming its been noticed)?
I haven't seen it asked yet but if in her phone call she said "you are meant to be in a meeting with me" then why the hell was she out side your house (15/20 mins away) and not in the meeting that she claims you weren't there for?!
As others have said it's time to take this seriously, this is not ok.
I would also point out that this is stalking and there is new police guidance and how would the company cope if you went to the police about your boss stalking you?
She is utterly batshit.
I hope you grr this sorted, her behaviour sounds unhinged!
I am aghast. She's crazy....
So what happened when you met with them after they'd been to your home? Did they say why they followed you? I'm baffled as to HR coming along for the ride
I'm baffled by the whole thing!!
It's possible the HR manager isn't aware of the extent of the "chats2 with you, if it's always the same person who turns up.
And I can't believe any HR manager would be happy at one of their staff watching your house.
I'd absolutely second the pp who said to document everything (gather any emails etc) and speak to a senior member of the HR team. You have to remember that at the moment the HR team only have what she is telling them to go on and you don't know what that is or her intentions behind what she is saying, so (as hard as it is) don't go in all guns blazing, but go in with the aim of having a sensible discussion about what is happening and helping them see the full context.
I'd also second what the pp said about requesting to your manager that meetings are put in the calendar in future so that everyone is clear when they are
Pressed post too soon!
I'm an HR Director, and there is absolutely no way I would tolerate/support this kind of approach from one of our line managers, so please don't immediately tar 'HR' with the same brush, it could be that this one assistant is hugely overstepping and making some seriously bad judgement calls (unfortunately the best way to learn is to fuck up sometimes, there is no magic HR chip that gets implanted when you go into the field, we have to learn too)
Please keep us updated, and if you you want to pleased feel free to message for advice on the HR part
Awful behaviour from boss. Totally inappropriate. Following you home?! She’s out to get you. Write everything down and go straight to HR and launch a formal grievance. If you let this slide it’ll get worse until she gets what she wants. Sounds like you’re doing a great job- don’t let this cow manager bring you down.
I would also ask HR if there are any expectations they have that you are not meeting and what is the purpose of all the "informal chats". Tell them you would be grateful for any feedback as you feel singled out and what the problem is with your work so you can rectify any errors etc, (not that I think you have made any).
She either must have followed you home or gotten your address to be there (both crazy and unacceptable). Why would she be outside your house if she was expecting to have a meeting at the office.
Write down all instances in a report to give to the HR Manager after you have voiced your concerns. Stick to the facts, be clear and concise.
She sounds power crazed.
The next time you have an early
Finish, let her follow you all the way to the best SHL in town. And let her watch you go in
Fucking hell she sounds insane and also pretty scary!
Are these 'informal' chats always with your manager and the same HR assistant?
Great advice up thread re actual meeting requests. If she won't send them to you, you send them to her along the lines of 'just to confirm our earlier conversation'
I don't know about HR, so no advice (sorry. Although there seems to be really good advice on here), but just wanted to send you some because this sounds so grim and utterly stressful!
Not wanting to derail your thread, but I would seriously be very, very careful, and just look for another job.
This will not end the way you want it to.
So she followed you by actually leaving work-during her normal working hours-when you had finished? Would she generally leave the premises during working hours? I’m just wondering if there is any swipe in/out of the building or cctv that could be used as proof to your advantage?
Exactly as someone else said, I read the OP's post and thought; '... that manager clearly has a mate who'd love that job....'.
This sounds like targeted harassment to me. Document, document, document and contact ACAS for advice.
Bullying and harassment at work is unacceptable, and there are way too many people that have been promoted to management positions far and away above their level of intelligence, empathy and skillset should allow.
Hoping you get a resolution to this awful situation soon, OP.
In all seriousness op
It sounds like victimisation.
The meetings and making you fret all day then not having them are a form of bullying.
I would seriously start documenting everything as far back as you can recall.
Taking screen shots of anything you have also.
I’d call the police. She’s stalking you. Who knows how many times she’s followed you home or where else she’s following you.
Definitely report them both at work too. Ask in writing about the purpose of these regular meetings and tracking of your internet usage. Request 24 hours notice of any future meetings with HR and a summary of what they wish to discuss. Inform them that you wish to have your own witness present at any future meetings.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.