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AIBU to be furious with my boss?

(102 Posts)
Poptasmagorical Wed 20-Mar-19 18:27:50

I work in a role I’m not strictly qualified for, but for which I get paid a lot less than an experienced would be. The company I work for has made hundreds of redundancies and my job was a ‘promotion’ to a position they couldn’t afford to fill, and which I’m doing well and also undertaking training and education to help me further.
For some reason, when a new manager took over the area she took a dislike to me and has been on my case constantly. It’s like she’s always looking for a way to trip me up or catch me out, but I don’t know why. If they wanted to get rid of me they’d be able to put me back in my old role and I’d be happy enough.
So as not to drip feed... I don’t want to say exactly what the job is as it’s very outing, but it’s a middle level job. Usually you’d have a degree to do it, or a substantial amount of experience, but I’m getting paid a couple of thousand pounds a year less than I would if I had those.
The manager keeps turning up ‘for an unofficial chat’ with a member of the HR team and I really feel like I’m being harassed. They do things like telling me ‘we need to have a meeting tomorrow’ but then I won’t hear from them until right before the end of the day. I’ll spend all day worrying about what the problem might be, and then they’ll leave me hanging all day before just turning up and asking about things they’ve already asked about. They’re checking my internet usage (there was one occasion in which I looked at a website that they didn’t think was relevant to my job, but when I showed them what it related to there was no issue, and one where I checked my personal email during my lunch break). They’re not doing this to any of my colleagues and have even told me directly that they’re watching me, but they never answer why.
Anyway the AIBU:
A few days ago I left work at my usual time (I finish early one day a week - always have in the four years I’ve been there) and went home. Twenty or so minutes later I realised I’d left something in my car, which was parked on the roadside. I went out and as I opened my car I noticed my boss’s car parked further down the road. I didn’t acknowledge it, and just went back inside. My phone then rang and she asked where I was because I was supposed to be in a meeting with her. No meeting had been arranged, and it was outside my work hours. I told her I was at home and she said ‘I know, we’re sitting outside your house.’ I was quite stunned and when she said she’d speak to me at work the next day (which again didn’t happen until the end of the day) I just let her end the call.
I tried to raise the issue of her being outside my house but it got brushed over and I was so flummoxed by everything that I sort of didn’t notice until afterwards. But, should she have had access to my address? Phone number? Should she have been allowed to turn up at my house? She didn’t even knock at the door! My thoughts are that this is against GDPR and that it’s also harassment, but I don’t want to make my life even more unbearable at work by causing a fuss if she’s done nothing wrong.

AgentJohnson Wed 20-Mar-19 18:33:28

You need to make a list of all her batshit behaviour and make contact with HR.

Star81 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:36:18

Have you discussed any of this with HR without her present ?

MiaFarrowsWheelbarrow Wed 20-Mar-19 18:38:07

You have worked there for 4 years? Phone ACAS for advice. Your manager should not be following you home and watching your house.

Morgan12 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:39:15

No she certainly isn't allowed to come to your home outside working hours. If I were you I'd be very interested in how she got my address and would take this further. It is unacceptable.

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 20-Mar-19 18:41:53

Before you go to HR call ACAS.

You need to be able to quote chpater and verse at them. There is so much wrong in your posts it is hard to know where to start...

Pinkyyy Wed 20-Mar-19 18:42:41

I believe your boss is allowed access to your address and contact details, however she has abused these and has shown harassing behaviour. I'd certainly make a written list of everything that has happened and take it to HR.

dontdoxmeeither Wed 20-Mar-19 18:44:24

Blimey Riley shock

Start making a timeline of events and keep copies of any correspondence. And yes, ACAS. There's also some very knowledgable folk on the Employment Issues section of this site if you want to post this there or get this thread moved.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 18:49:41

Your boss is mental. This is absolutely NOT acceptable on any level. Keep a diary of EVERYTHING. Times, dates, conversations, EVERYTHING. What a weirdo!

Meandmetoo Wed 20-Mar-19 18:50:51

I'd put aside the gdpr implications and focus on her actions. The meetings with hr - probably fine, unless your certain they are about you. Tthe arranging meetings and cancelling - possibly just a flaky manager they'd argue as such, monitoring usage - if they have reason to believe misuse they can just monitor the person they are looking into. The turning up at your home claiming you had a meeting is outrageous. Everything put together is even more so.

Was the meeting supposed to be at your home did she say? Who else was in the car? What did you say when they said they were watching you? Watching you for what?

Luaa Wed 20-Mar-19 18:53:39

I would absolutely complain about her harassing you. She can't come to your house and she shouldn't be phoning you when you aren't working.

If I booked a meeting with someone for a time they never worked I wouldn't highlight my mistake personally. I certainly wouldn't phone them and try and make it seem like their fault

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 20-Mar-19 18:58:02

Oh yes! Who was the we ?

Poptasmagorical Wed 20-Mar-19 19:00:14

Thank you so much for your replies.

I haven’t spoken to HR without her around, but the last meeting was with the HR manager rather than the usual assistant and my manager’s behaviour was very different with her there so I think it might be useful to speak to the HR manager.

It’s a relief to see that I’m not taking everything too personally and that this really is crazy behaviour.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 19:01:05

Also, how far away from work do you live? This is just so weird!

Poptasmagorical Wed 20-Mar-19 19:01:13

Oh, the we was her and the HR assistant. I’m not sure if this assistant is just inept or if she’s a friend of my manager and bending rules for her?

Poptasmagorical Wed 20-Mar-19 19:02:09

I live about ten minutes away, but at the time of day that I finished it would have taken her 15 to 20 to get to my house

Isitweekendyet Wed 20-Mar-19 19:02:38

I would sit down tonight, formally document everything that you have said here - including examples and instances. The more the better.

And go into HR first thing in the morning, that is gross misconduct and I would want to know where hell she got my address and do not let them brush you off!

From now on document every single interaction you have with her.

Isitweekendyet Wed 20-Mar-19 19:03:20

Bloody hell - just seen HR was with her.

I would take this straight to the directors.

WeeDangerousSpike Wed 20-Mar-19 19:04:55

Bloody hell.

Definitely ring acas and get their advice on how to tackle it, you want to be Teflon on this one if she's got some kind of agenda.

Magenta82 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:06:56

This is batshit!

If I were her manager I would want to know why she was wasting her time on this ridiculousness!

Romanov Wed 20-Mar-19 19:07:49

Bloody hell I thought I had worked for some batshit managers, but wow!

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 20-Mar-19 19:09:48

Nothing in your post is usual or even acceptable behaviour from someone in a management position.
Yes they can monitor internet usage for acceptable usage (the majority of businesses don't want their staff on youtube or the like for ages but if it can be shown that you were watching a video related to your work and it was going to help you, like a training video or how to improve your email mailbox for example, it would be allowed) but it should be for all staff and not singling one staff member out.
They should have your contact details (for payroll purposes etc but not for stalking you).

I completely agree about making sure you have your i's dotted and t's crossed before approaching someone in HR but don't let this continue. It is not normal.

In the meantime you could ask your manager (the one that is stalking you) to put all meetings into your calendar so that you can accept them and schedule all appointments/meetings properly. Don't accept a meeting verbally. If she does ask you to attend a meeting, reply with "Of course I'll be there but would you mind popping something in to my calendar. I don't want to miss any meetings that I should be attending".
Get your stuff together and then schedule a meeting with HR and discuss everything that is happening with an end goal in mind. What do you want to improve? Obviously not being stalked on a day when you finish work early would be one. Have others in mind too.

OrangeCinnamon Wed 20-Mar-19 19:11:29

flowers thought you could do with these...what bizarre and frankly awful behaviour. Do you have a workplace union at all?

ResistanceIsNecessary Wed 20-Mar-19 19:12:18

Written complaint to the HR manager and cc your manager's boss. Tell them she followed you home and called you to tell you. Point out that her access to your personal information and home address is making you feel unsafe and that if she turns up to 'watch you' again, then you'll call the police.

yorkshirepud44 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:12:53

I'd absolutely raise a grievance for this. Follow the procedures set out in your staff handbook (if you have one)
It's intrusive, unprofessional and potentially quite intimidating behaviour.

One question - is your early finish detailed in your contract? It's not some informal arrangement which has become the norm? I cannot see how they could possibly ever justify these means, if they have an issue with your performance, you should be being performance managed accordingly.

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