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To wonder why I bother😕

(242 Posts)
user1498912461 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:14:22

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

sillysmiles Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:08

I wonder if this is a reflection on DS acting up alot more than just this one incident.

Pimmsypimms Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:33

Your dm was being stroppy but also, your ds was really badly behaved!! I have a ds who is 6 and he would never behave that way! Yes he can be a bugger, but that was totally rude! I hope you disciplined him for it!

LaBelleSauvage Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:36

Sorry OP but you should have told him off and disciplined him. Can't believe you just let him act like that and then defended him by saying he's only a child- of course he is- but he needs you (an adult) to show him when he's being unacceptable.

Perhaps DM overreacted but it wasn't okay to let him carry on that way.

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:43

So DS expects his way or no way. How would you feel if this was at a friends birthday? You would be furious with him so don't blame granny here.

Loseitandkeepitlost Wed 20-Mar-19 18:36:28

Yep, my 6 year old would have had a proper telling off.

Your Mum didn’t behave very well either but if it’s not the first time he’s got away with unacceptable behaviour because “he’s only a child” then I could maybe understand her frustration at a nice event being ruined because of it.

Bungalowbeth Wed 20-Mar-19 18:36:42

Perhaps your mum didn’t want “help” opening her presents. Your son sounds a nightmare, even asking in the first place and running off. It would have pissed me off too. Especially as he couldn’t be bothered joining in singing either.

And you could have made him come out of the other room.

SoupDragon Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:09

you clearly don’t know many 6 year olds

Ah, the dismissive comment of the blinkered.

BluebadgenPIP Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:40

Your DS was rude and you should have disciplined him.

Your mum over reacted.

But you need to stop indulging your DS. he’s 6. Not a baby or a toddler anymore

ChariotsofFish Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:42

It’s not great behaviour from a 6 year/old, but they all have their moments. The grown up thing to do would be to ignore it. Your DM’s response was ridiculous.

tjnz Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:59

Bad behaviour all round, unfortunately because it was an event this will linger for ages! I do believe that your son should know better at 6

blue25 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:38:18

I wouldn't be at all happy with my 6 year old doing this. It wasn't about him and running off & refusing to come back is not ok. Your mum is probably feeling frustrated; he does sound a bit spoilt.

Soubriquet Wed 20-Mar-19 18:39:36


My dd is 6 on Tuesday and wouldn’t dream to behave like this.

Then again my just turned 4 year old ds wouldnt behave like this either.

You are raising a brat.

Then again it must run in the family if your mother acts like this too

AuntieCJ Wed 20-Mar-19 18:41:43

Your mother isn't very kind but I'd be more worried about DS. Far too old for such behaviour. Is he always such a pain?

ijustdontunderstandher Wed 20-Mar-19 18:41:54

Your mum was rude and a bit over the top with her behaviour, but I don’t see why your DS should open presents with her, it isn’t his birthday.

smallereveryday Wed 20-Mar-19 18:42:00

Nope - had 7 kids. None would (or has) behaves like this. Over indulgent upbringing and mother has had enough.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks Wed 20-Mar-19 18:45:35

Yes your mother was acting like a child, however your child appears to have started it. Is this normal behaviour and she got it the ‘fed up’ stage? That is awful behaviour from a six year old who should know better! (Disclaimer- mother of 2, ex primary teacher, before you add another ‘you don’t know many children comments’)

SkintAsASkintThing Wed 20-Mar-19 18:45:47

Total over reaction.

She should have just laughed and asked your DS if she could open his presents on his birthday. Then moved on. Instead of whipping it up into a huge drama like a.knobhead.

GooodMythicalMorning Wed 20-Mar-19 18:46:07

I dont understand why you didnt say let granny open them as it's her birthday! Half the fun is opening them yourself. my children never helped anyone open anything ever.

Isitweekendyet Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:02

My own child knows that shit won't fly and he's three - at six your son should know far better and it was extremely rude of him (and I say that knowing lots of six year olds!)

Your Mother on the other hand acted worse and was extremely rude! I would say how disappointed you were in her.

implantsandaDyson Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:33

Your mum could have handled it better but tbh your son was bold, and after you tried to placate him by telling him he could help his granny, he was even bolder and ran into another room because he didn't get his own way.
He's 6 - he should know better and if he doesn't he should be told to behave better.

TowelNumber42 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:38

As others have said, you should have given your son a very very clear no from the outset.

I am intrigued that you say she's always like this yet you laid on a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts

Normally you buy your mum one present and a card. Sometimes the children make something.

Your thread title is the martyr's catchphrase.

It begs the question, why did you overdo the event at all? Why did you overdo the event for someone with form for throwing a strop at the drop of a hat?

Springwalk Wed 20-Mar-19 18:53:08

It appears to me that your mother had had enough of your sons bad behaviour, and you indulging him in such a way. It sounds like her birthday was the final straw to me. Although she didn’t behave very graciously I am guessing she has had six years of this. It’s not unreasonable to expect to open your own gifts on your birthday.

Consider laying out your expectations, and consequences to your son next time granny comes, and be absolutely clear that you expect him to behave with good manners and to be polite at all times. He is six and perfectly capable of this op. At the moment you are teaching him to be rude but that’s okay as he is just a child

Freddiesfling Wed 20-Mar-19 18:54:43

I think your 6 year old behaved badly and sounds very spoilt.. I have 4 kids none perfect... one positively feral but none have behaved like this maybe because they are used to sharing and not having the world revolving around them..

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:56:32

Definitely a bit of martyrdom; 'now I've got it all to clean up' you knew you'd have to clean up you organised the party. Poor you; nasty mother/ angelic child 🙄

Peterpiperpickedwrong Wed 20-Mar-19 18:58:11

I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her.

Why did you say he could help her? Why not just say “ no, it’s Grany’s birthday they are for her to open”?

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