Advanced search

To wonder why I bother😕

(242 Posts)
user1498912461 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:14:22

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

Hollowvictory Wed 20-Mar-19 18:18:34

How ungrateful. 8s she usually like that? Don't bother in future it's. Not worth the effort

Houseworkavoider Wed 20-Mar-19 18:22:17

Your Dm shouldn’t have thrown a strop but honestly, no way would I let my Dc get away with that!
Two separate problems.

pigsDOfly Wed 20-Mar-19 18:22:51

Did you say your mother is 6 or your DS?

In your shoes I certainly wouldn't bother again. Let her take her miserable, ungrateful self and be miserable and ungrateful on her own.

Houseonahill Wed 20-Mar-19 18:25:27

I agree with housework your DM was unreasonable to throw a strip and not say thankyou or anything but at 6 your DS should understand other people have birthdays and not have a massive sulk because he couldn't open any presents.

OKBobble Wed 20-Mar-19 18:25:50

How did you discipline DS for his misbehaviour?

LEDadjacent Wed 20-Mar-19 18:26:28

You don’t mention going and telling him off for making a fuss and bringing him back? If you didn’t give it a good try to get him back she was probably appalled at your lack of parenting. She was still rude though.

dinkydolphin Wed 20-Mar-19 18:27:05

Your child sounds like a bratt. I've never heard of a 6 year old acting like that.

user1498912461 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:28:07

She’s always like this and it’s badly affecting her relationship with DS. DS just asked why Granny is mean to him and that he is only a child (he’s repeating what I said that he’s only a child lol)

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:28:37

What an odd thing for your DS to say, pass the parcels round for everyone to open, would he like that at his birthday?
I think your DS needs to learn everything isn't about him, your DM was a bit OTT and probably taken aback at his behaviour.

Minniemagoo Wed 20-Mar-19 18:29:52

Yep, fault on all sides. Your MIL throwing a strip, your 6 year old behaving very rudely (at 6 they really should understand you dont open other peoples presents and not throw a tantrum) and you not pulling him up on it, perhaps best to have made him come back and apologise. I imagine after a lot of organising you probably feel it just all got out of hand.

blackteasplease Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:06

Surely if a child is acting up you just ignore them and show that they can't ruin the party?

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:18

Saw your update, he actually says 'I'm only a child' oh dear you're obviously indulging his petulant carry on and giving him an excuse to parrot. I'd be mortified if any of mine behaved like an entitled brat.

Minniemagoo Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:23

Strop! Really hope your mum didn't strip!

SoupDragon Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:42

TBH, I would have given my DS a stern talking to when he stormed off in a strop because he couldn't open someone else presents and then sulked. That's bad behaviour no matter the age of the person celebrating their birthday. 6 is old enough to know how to behave at a birthday celebration.

That said, I wouldn't be overly impressed with a sulking mother either.

blackteasplease Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:42

And then speak to them after DM has gone

GruciusMalfoy Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:56

My 7 year old would be in trouble for this. By 6 they should have learnt that the "birthday person" is the one who opens gifts, not everyone else. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I'd let it be known I was going to have a word with him in the other room.

user1498912461 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:31:01

Dinky - you clearly don’t know many 6 year olds 🤔Yes I did tell him off and try and get him back into the room but I couldn’t force him to come out.

Creamwhite Wed 20-Mar-19 18:31:52

Your mum was BU. Weird attitude for an adult. If my daughter one day throws me a birthday party I will be absolutely touched.

blackteasplease Wed 20-Mar-19 18:32:04

It was an odd request from a 6yo in the first place I agree- maybe aged 3 or something but 6 should be able to let an adult open their own presents

That said your Mum going into a strop and glaring at a child is super weird.

user1498912461 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:32:37

I did tell him that it was her birthday and her gifts and that he could try and help him open them.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Wed 20-Mar-19 18:33:50

Easy to see where ds gets his dramatics from...
Both need a naughty step!

WhoKnewBeefStew Wed 20-Mar-19 18:34:25

Your Mum was acting like a 6 yr old

Your ds was rude

Terrible behaviour on both sides

Frenchmontana Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:07

Hmm he said he is an only child randomly

I guess that's what he says to make you feel bad for him? I take it him being an only child isnt something you are happy with.

Both his statements about nana not liking him and the only child bit, are to make you pander to him and I bet you do.

SoupDragon Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:07

and that he could try and help him open them

Why should he help her open them?

sillysmiles Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:08

I wonder if this is a reflection on DS acting up alot more than just this one incident.

Pimmsypimms Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:33

Your dm was being stroppy but also, your ds was really badly behaved!! I have a ds who is 6 and he would never behave that way! Yes he can be a bugger, but that was totally rude! I hope you disciplined him for it!

LaBelleSauvage Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:36

Sorry OP but you should have told him off and disciplined him. Can't believe you just let him act like that and then defended him by saying he's only a child- of course he is- but he needs you (an adult) to show him when he's being unacceptable.

Perhaps DM overreacted but it wasn't okay to let him carry on that way.

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:35:43

So DS expects his way or no way. How would you feel if this was at a friends birthday? You would be furious with him so don't blame granny here.

Loseitandkeepitlost Wed 20-Mar-19 18:36:28

Yep, my 6 year old would have had a proper telling off.

Your Mum didn’t behave very well either but if it’s not the first time he’s got away with unacceptable behaviour because “he’s only a child” then I could maybe understand her frustration at a nice event being ruined because of it.

Bungalowbeth Wed 20-Mar-19 18:36:42

Perhaps your mum didn’t want “help” opening her presents. Your son sounds a nightmare, even asking in the first place and running off. It would have pissed me off too. Especially as he couldn’t be bothered joining in singing either.

And you could have made him come out of the other room.

SoupDragon Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:09

you clearly don’t know many 6 year olds

Ah, the dismissive comment of the blinkered.

BluebadgenPIP Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:40

Your DS was rude and you should have disciplined him.

Your mum over reacted.

But you need to stop indulging your DS. he’s 6. Not a baby or a toddler anymore

ChariotsofFish Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:42

It’s not great behaviour from a 6 year/old, but they all have their moments. The grown up thing to do would be to ignore it. Your DM’s response was ridiculous.

tjnz Wed 20-Mar-19 18:37:59

Bad behaviour all round, unfortunately because it was an event this will linger for ages! I do believe that your son should know better at 6

blue25 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:38:18

I wouldn't be at all happy with my 6 year old doing this. It wasn't about him and running off & refusing to come back is not ok. Your mum is probably feeling frustrated; he does sound a bit spoilt.

Soubriquet Wed 20-Mar-19 18:39:36


My dd is 6 on Tuesday and wouldn’t dream to behave like this.

Then again my just turned 4 year old ds wouldnt behave like this either.

You are raising a brat.

Then again it must run in the family if your mother acts like this too

AuntieCJ Wed 20-Mar-19 18:41:43

Your mother isn't very kind but I'd be more worried about DS. Far too old for such behaviour. Is he always such a pain?

ijustdontunderstandher Wed 20-Mar-19 18:41:54

Your mum was rude and a bit over the top with her behaviour, but I don’t see why your DS should open presents with her, it isn’t his birthday.

smallereveryday Wed 20-Mar-19 18:42:00

Nope - had 7 kids. None would (or has) behaves like this. Over indulgent upbringing and mother has had enough.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks Wed 20-Mar-19 18:45:35

Yes your mother was acting like a child, however your child appears to have started it. Is this normal behaviour and she got it the ‘fed up’ stage? That is awful behaviour from a six year old who should know better! (Disclaimer- mother of 2, ex primary teacher, before you add another ‘you don’t know many children comments’)

SkintAsASkintThing Wed 20-Mar-19 18:45:47

Total over reaction.

She should have just laughed and asked your DS if she could open his presents on his birthday. Then moved on. Instead of whipping it up into a huge drama like a.knobhead.

GooodMythicalMorning Wed 20-Mar-19 18:46:07

I dont understand why you didnt say let granny open them as it's her birthday! Half the fun is opening them yourself. my children never helped anyone open anything ever.

Isitweekendyet Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:02

My own child knows that shit won't fly and he's three - at six your son should know far better and it was extremely rude of him (and I say that knowing lots of six year olds!)

Your Mother on the other hand acted worse and was extremely rude! I would say how disappointed you were in her.

implantsandaDyson Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:33

Your mum could have handled it better but tbh your son was bold, and after you tried to placate him by telling him he could help his granny, he was even bolder and ran into another room because he didn't get his own way.
He's 6 - he should know better and if he doesn't he should be told to behave better.

TowelNumber42 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:38

As others have said, you should have given your son a very very clear no from the outset.

I am intrigued that you say she's always like this yet you laid on a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts

Normally you buy your mum one present and a card. Sometimes the children make something.

Your thread title is the martyr's catchphrase.

It begs the question, why did you overdo the event at all? Why did you overdo the event for someone with form for throwing a strop at the drop of a hat?

Springwalk Wed 20-Mar-19 18:53:08

It appears to me that your mother had had enough of your sons bad behaviour, and you indulging him in such a way. It sounds like her birthday was the final straw to me. Although she didn’t behave very graciously I am guessing she has had six years of this. It’s not unreasonable to expect to open your own gifts on your birthday.

Consider laying out your expectations, and consequences to your son next time granny comes, and be absolutely clear that you expect him to behave with good manners and to be polite at all times. He is six and perfectly capable of this op. At the moment you are teaching him to be rude but that’s okay as he is just a child

Freddiesfling Wed 20-Mar-19 18:54:43

I think your 6 year old behaved badly and sounds very spoilt.. I have 4 kids none perfect... one positively feral but none have behaved like this maybe because they are used to sharing and not having the world revolving around them..

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:56:32

Definitely a bit of martyrdom; 'now I've got it all to clean up' you knew you'd have to clean up you organised the party. Poor you; nasty mother/ angelic child 🙄

Peterpiperpickedwrong Wed 20-Mar-19 18:58:11

I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her.

Why did you say he could help her? Why not just say “ no, it’s Grany’s birthday they are for her to open”?

Fresta Wed 20-Mar-19 18:58:11

Six is far too old to behave like that! If he makes a habit of this sort of behaviour then maybe your DM is right to be annoyed. If it was a one-off then she should have possibly overlooked it.

DanielRicciardosSmile Wed 20-Mar-19 18:59:47

*Hmm he said he is an only child randomly

I guess that's what he says to make you feel bad for him? I take it him being an only child isnt something you are happy with.

Both his statements about nana not liking him and the only child bit, are to make you pander to him and I bet you do.*

He said "only a child", not "an only child". OP doesn't say whether her DS has siblings or not.

JaneEyre07 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:00:13

I think your issue is with your DS and not your DM to be honest.

I would happily let my grandchildren open gifts with me/for me, but I would expect that to be my choice and not something they expected and had a tantrum about.

It's really sad that they don't get on, OP and something you need to tackle by the sound of it.

DanielRicciardosSmile Wed 20-Mar-19 19:00:41

^ Bold fail. hmm

grumpyyetgorgeous Wed 20-Mar-19 19:00:50

Hmmm well the ideal response would be for all of the adults to carry on having a nice time then ds would see that by stropping he's actually missed out on fun. Your dm was quite childish and spoilt this response. I wonder from your comments if he's a little more indulged than you realise? Your ds said grandma was "mean" was that based on the fact that he couldn't open her birthday presents?
I have a six year old too and he will ask things like this given half the chance, but being given a firm "no this is x birthday" helps a lot.

FrancisCrawford Wed 20-Mar-19 19:01:14

Your DS was behaving badly and wasn’t suitably dealt with, which pissed your mum off. You didn’t even make him apologise.
At 6 he is more than old enough to understand that this was her special day, not his. Why did you think it was acceptable to tell him he could help,somebody else open their presents?

You need to raise your expectations of acceptable behaviour or you will have a brat on your hands

Get DS to make his gran a nice card to say sorry for being so naughty

Frenchmontana Wed 20-Mar-19 19:04:36

Is he 6 and is actually an only child?

JenniferJareau Wed 20-Mar-19 19:05:07

Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster!

Sorry but you allowed it to be that way. Your DS was rude as were you in allowing his behaviour. Your DS wanted to be 'in on the action' and needed to be firmly told by you that it was your DM's time to open presents from everyone and enjoy those moments and he needed to sit back and watch only. Why should he 'help her open them' it wasn't his birthday.

Bunnyfuller Wed 20-Mar-19 19:06:12

‘No, it’s Nanny’s birthday so she gets to open them’.

If he marches off, you let him, and carry on enjoying yourselves. Who is in charge here?!

ScrewyMcScrewup Wed 20-Mar-19 19:07:43

I'm guessing it isn't the first time your son has ruined an event by acting like a spoiled brat, with you indulging him. I don't blame your mother at all.

MolyHolyGuacamole Wed 20-Mar-19 19:07:43

Oh dear. I've worked with many small children and that is behaviour I'd expect from a 3 year old blush

AnnaMagnani Wed 20-Mar-19 19:07:54

So much drama.

Adult's birthday - Unless it's a milestone birthday, card and a gift in the post. Possibly not even a gift. Plus a phone call. Would any of the others in your family have taken on the organizing of a family get together, large spread and array of thoughtful gifts? - I am guessing not. If the answer is no, have a think about why you do it and whether the stress is worth it.

Your DM - she has form for behaving like it so why be disappointed? Don't set yourself and your DS up to be hurt.

Your DS - it's someone else's birthday. When he asked if he could open the presents just say no, it's not his birthday and move on.

I think it is worth wondering why you bother, because the end result seems to be a lot of heightened emotions and everyone playing out little dramas from childhood.

orangepipe Wed 20-Mar-19 19:08:51

I’m not sure why people are saying your child sounds like a bratconfused He hardly screamed and threw the presents at his GM’s head did he? It was a perfectly reasonable response considering your DM’s behaviour, i’d have ran off from her too! I’d not bother next year OP she sounds like a narc

NutElla5x Wed 20-Mar-19 19:10:04

I'm sorry op but your son does sound rather spoilt and your mum can clearly see that and, though she acted just as bad as him on this occasion,perhaps it has been something that has been building up inside her for a while.
Your son is 6,not 2 and I would have told him that it was granny's special day and the presents were for her to open and no one else and then let him go off and sulk if he wanted to.If granny then refused to open her presents well then I'd start clearing up and leave her to sulk too.

Dillydallyingthrough Wed 20-Mar-19 19:10:52

Sorry OP but I agree that your 6 year old behaved very badly, it sounds as if your mother has had enough and that wasn't the first time he has misbehaved like this. A 6 year old should know better.

And why can he 'help'? Surely it's just a 'no its granny's birthday'

It looks as if your mother was looking to you to parent with - He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide” - and you seems as if you didn't.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets Wed 20-Mar-19 19:11:51

I’m afraid 6 is far too old to behave like that. I think my DS might have tried to pull a stunt like that aged 2, maybe 3. He’s 5 now and definitely wouldn’t. If he did, I would apologise on his behalf, remove him from the room, have very strong words and an appropriate sanction if behaviour continued, then support him as he apologised and rejoined the party.

Unfortunately your mums behaviour wasn’t great either but 1) you can’t control your mum’s actions and 2) if your DS is behaving like this a lot then it will be quite a drag for her. I would be careful about letting your DS hear conversations about his behaviour with others, it won’t do him any favours if he thinks granny is mean to him and doesn’t appreciate that he’s just a child.

Drum2018 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:13:42

Your ds sounds like a spoilt child and maybe that's why your dm behaved the way she did - she may simply be fed up with his behaviour.

Octopus37 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:15:00

O come on Bookworm, she's allowed to feel a bit badly done to after all that effort. Sounds shitty all round. We all have times when our kids totally show us up and when we don't get it right. OP sounds like your Mother is hard work, but you nevertheless feel compelled to make an effort, not an easy habit to break. Think you deserve a glass of wine tonight.

ataleoftwothenthreethenfour Wed 20-Mar-19 19:15:10

Your DM behaved badly and so did your DS. I can understand your DM's concerns, she should have got on with the birthday and ignored your DS, but perhaps this is typical behaviour from him. You should have told him firmly no when he suggested the impromtu pass the parcel.

SenoritaViva Wed 20-Mar-19 19:17:09

I think there is a back story here. I think your mum is sick of you pandering to your son and you not giving firm boundaries and this event, which you had put so much work in to, was the final straw.

christinarossetti19 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:18:39

I'm going out on a limb here and saying that I don't think your son behaved badly. I presume that he asked about passing the gifts around for others to open because he was excited? That's okay. He's six and six year olds do get terribly excited about birthdays and presents.

Your dm caused the problems by not just saying 'would you like to give me a hand opening them ds?' or 'Ooh, it's my birthday, I'm going to open them. Do you want to guess what's inside' or something that didn't hurt ds's feelings.

If she'd have just ignored your ds's refusing to join in and got on with things, he probably would have just gone back in.

But I agree with pp who said if your mum is always like this why on earth do you bother?

My dm is very similar and tbh, I don't anymore. But have always and would always protect my children from being hurt by her childish and self-centred behaviour.

lisamac28 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:21:02

Sorry OP but you child's behaviour was terrible. incredibly rude of them. It sounds like your DM has just about had enough and today was the icing on the birthday cake.

ssd Wed 20-Mar-19 19:22:53

Your mum is to blame, she's the adult, your ds is young and shouldn't be expected to be perfectly behaved at parties, except of course in mn land where 6 Yr old are perfect.

GirlcalledJack Wed 20-Mar-19 19:23:21

Why do you think your DS should ‘help’ open somebody else’s gifts?

I think there might be a few parenting issues going on tbh.

DGM was off for throwing a strop but quite honestly she was probably pretty miffed at your lack of effective parenting.

MortyVicar Wed 20-Mar-19 19:24:43

I’m not sure why people are saying your child sounds like a brat. He hardly screamed and threw the presents at his GM’s head did he? It was a perfectly reasonable response considering your DM’s behaviour, i’d have ran off from her too!

But unless I've read the OP wrong, the GM's behaviour followed the DS running off in a strop, it didn't precede it it.

I'm not saying the GM's response was ideal, but I agree the answer to his suggestion about opening the presents should have been 'no'. Not 'she should really open her own presents', she DOES open her own presents. And it wasn't OP's place to suggest to him that he could help her either.

Gumbo Wed 20-Mar-19 19:26:23

My SIL's child used to behave like this - 'Oh look, DN wants to help you open your Christmas/birthday presents' etc which involved DN grabbing the gift and ripping off all the paper He was about 3 or 4 when this started, and as I had no DC of my own I assumed it was how children behaved. Nobody else ever said anything and he was just allowed to do it. Roll on a few years and I had DS, and DN tried this shit - I grabbed it straight back off him and said 'I expect DS can manage all on his own!' - much to the horror of DN and SIL. He was about 7yo FFS, and should never have been allowed to get away with it!

So yes, your child is being rude and by now should understand that not all gifts are about him. And your mother is being childish too...

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Wed 20-Mar-19 19:26:44

Sorry but she was acting like a dick.Your 6 year old was acting a bit bratty (my ds acts like that too sometimes) but she's the adult,she should have laughed it off

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 20-Mar-19 19:28:04

IMO your child sounds extremely spoilt. And to say ‘I’m only a child’? Seems he’s learned to be manipulative at a very young age. Presumably he’s heard you use it as an excuse every time he plays up. Like others have said, I should think your mother’s sick to the back teeth of his bad behaviour and you pandering to it. You haven’t yet said what his punishment was for ruining the party.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 20-Mar-19 19:28:26

Your ds acted like a child your mom upped the anti by behaving in a more childish way than a child! Your right it wasnt worth it get your son to help you clean and have words with him tell your mam it's her last party at your house

WanderingAimlessly Wed 20-Mar-19 19:30:27

Does your 6 year old go to his Year 2 friends birthday parties? If so, he knows how presents work. My 6 year old (youngest in his year group) would never pull this shit. Your DM was a bit hmm in her reaction but like pp said, maybe she’s fed up of this sort of indulgent response to crap behaviour by your 6 year old?

mrsm43s Wed 20-Mar-19 19:31:39

Your son was really naughty, and you didn't deal with it appropriately. As a result, your DMs birthday was ruined. It seems as though your DM overreacted, but if your DS frequently ruins events with his unchecked poor behaviour, your DM might just be fed up with it.

Wellfuckmeinbothears Wed 20-Mar-19 19:33:05

Your son behaved like a brat. You’re clearly indulging bad behaviour and he’s parroting this “I’m only a child” crap.

EugenesAxe Wed 20-Mar-19 19:33:48

Also agree with Housework - you aren't giving him enough boundaries. Your DM was a bit precious but your DS is obviously behaving like that because he runs rings around you and knows that kind of behaviour will normally let him get his way. He's not 'only 6' - 6 is quite old in my mind. I would be stamping out this display of entitlement much earlier.

OKBobble Wed 20-Mar-19 19:34:43

I suspect your mother reacted that way because you always indulge your son and it was the last straw.

Leeds2 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:36:41

I think your mum's reaction was OTT, but maybe she had had enough of DS's behaviour (on this and, maybe, previous occasions)? He really shouldn't be behaving like that.
What did your dad and siblings say?

adulthumanwolf Wed 20-Mar-19 19:37:55

Surely you tell a 6 yo that it's not their birthday today, that they only open presents on their own birthday. Your DM then looked to you as his parent to tell him, and you didn't.

DM reaction was a bit shit for an adult, but I think you should have nipped it in the bud before that.

Does DS has form for needing it to be about him? If he was 2 I'd understand but he's 6. A 6 year old should have learned by now that not every occasion is about them. Does he socialise with other children at parties? How does he act in school?

Readysteadygoat Wed 20-Mar-19 19:41:08

Whilst I can't imagine him asking to help open someone else's presents, stropping off and later refusing to sing are behaviour I'd expect from my 7yo if he was overexcited. He's emotionally immature not badly parented - DS1 was different altogether.
In the above situation I would've ignored the behaviour and I'm sure my DM or MIL would have too. Until he realised he was missing out and came back

ZippyBungleandGeorge Wed 20-Mar-19 19:41:33

DM threw a hissy fit yes, but your DS was very badly behaved and for him to say 'i'm only a child' shows he's repeating the excuses you make for his behaviour. I agree with PPs I bet this isn't unusual behaviour from your child, your mother is probably sick of it

LondonJax Wed 20-Mar-19 19:41:54

Maybe when you're DM said 'that's for your mother to decide' she was hinting that you should say 'no, you've been told it's Granny's birthday and she opens her own presents'. Instead you said 'you can help Granny'. So you've pander to him. If he does 'help' open other peoples presents it's a habit I suggest you break very quickly. He's not going to be popular with school friends if he tries this at their parties and you're not going to be popular with their parents. DS had a friend who used to be allowed to get away with that. Until he tried to 'help' DS open his presents at his birthday party with the encouragement of his mum - 'I'm sure LondonJax DS won't mind you helping darling'. To which I replied 'DS might not mind but I do. His presents, he opens them - when you've gone'.

I've excused myself when DS has had a strop in the past, gone in to have a word with him and told him to behave or bed. Oddly enough he's behaved like a dream when he realises he won't be centre of attention no matter how he behaves.

You've not come back to say if your DS does this regularly, which may give some understanding as to why you're DM was p'd off. But she is a grown up so should have been more gracious to the rest of the guests.

adulthumanwolf Wed 20-Mar-19 19:43:20

What's being an only child got to do with it? Im an only child. It doesn't mean it's ok to learn to be selfish. Don't teach him to perpetuate the stereotype of being a brat, that's not something you want them to learn.

Billben Wed 20-Mar-19 19:46:13

I’m not surprised at your DM’s behaviour. I wouldn’t want anybody helping me to open MY presents and I’m shocked you encourage this behaviour in your DS.

SoupDragon Wed 20-Mar-19 19:46:26

What's being an only child got to do with it?

Nothing - it was only a child not an only child.

snowdrop6 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:48:09

That's bad....bad parenting indeed.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:48:42

Your mother's reaction was ridiculous, but your lack of parenting and employing discipline is alarming. Your son's behaviour is something you'd expect from a 3 year old, not a 6 year old. I wonder if your mother's extreme reaction was born from being frustrated by a history of your lack of proper parenting.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Wed 20-Mar-19 19:48:53

I agree with virtually everyone. At 6 (and yes I do know a lot of 6 year olds, thanks) this behaviour is a bit much. What did you say to him when he said granny had been "mean"? Surely that's your opportunity to say no, granny was unimpressed/cross/whatever with how you acted.

Your DM could definitely have been more tolerant but she's probably had enough.

Joebloggswazere Wed 20-Mar-19 19:49:21

I think OP has stropped off into another room......

ASundayWellSpent Wed 20-Mar-19 19:49:54

Ah children eh, they always show you up at the best/worst times!!

I would have been seriously unimpressed with my DD and she's coming up to five. Would have taken her for a word, a five min cool off and expected her back at the party.

As far as DM, my dad is a bit sulky like this, though not quite as bad. He would have had a face on him too I suppose!

NoooorthonerMum Wed 20-Mar-19 19:49:54

If a 6vyear old sulks because he can't open someone else's presents you should ignore him. If he's still sulking at cake time he can't have a slice of cake. I think dm was reacting badly. Yes DS behaved badly but she shouldn't have let it ruin the birthday that was rude of her. DS could easily have been ignored and everything carried on as normal.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine Wed 20-Mar-19 19:49:55

Not great on your DM's part but is she growing tired of your DS's behaviour and everything revolving around him? Unless you are going to dripfeed SN then he sounds like a 3 year old. And yes, I have both a 3yo and a 6yo. He was allowed to spoil your DM's occasion.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Wed 20-Mar-19 19:51:01

^ Unless you are going to dripfeed SN^

Yes I wondered about this

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »