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Am I being over the top

(17 Posts)
eastereggtime Wed 20-Mar-19 17:50:41

My BiL popped in on Sun with my nephew (age 8) as he was passing though our town

We don't see out nephew very often maybe every 3 or 4 months. As soon as he arrived he ran up to play on the Xbox with my DS7, they play every weekend online together.

About 20 mins later they come down to get my DD3 as they wanted to play mums and dads, and took her up stairs. I thought that was odd and usually boys don't want to play with a little girl and it just didn't feel comfortable so I went straight upstairs to see what they were doing and made them come and play downstairs. My husband thinks I was over reacting - was I ?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 20-Mar-19 17:53:43

No - you acted on your senses, and rightly so.

But of course, in this is your DS7, do you think he would abuse his sister? Because that's your implication re reference to 'mums and dads'

ZippyBungleandGeorge Wed 20-Mar-19 17:56:19

So they wanted to play a game with a female role and as seven and eight year old boys neither of them wanted to be mum , si the roped your DD in. Unless you have other concerns about behaviour from your son and your nephew YABU

merdde Wed 20-Mar-19 17:56:20

What did you expect them to be doing exactly?

merdde Wed 20-Mar-19 17:57:16

usually boys don't want to play with a little girl

Boys and girls usually play happily with each other in my experience hmm

eastereggtime Wed 20-Mar-19 18:30:43

There is no back story to any of this but the two boys, my son and nephew would not often turn off the Xbox by choice. And they never show interest in playing with my little girl because when they are together they like Lego and Xbox!

I guess that's why it felt odd...?

I obviously trust my little boy and he often plays with his sister, but when there are other boys then his little sister is 'boring or a baby'

My argument to my husband is that we don't see our nephew very often and I don't feel I know him well enough him. It's not unheard of for kids to do things to other kids, there has been so much in the media about stuff and I have just done a safeguarding training I think you have to be vigilant and I know when behaviour is out of character.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 18:43:41

So you are thinking your nephew could possibly be a sexual predator?

How well do you know all the children at school? I’m sure they play mums and dads there too?

Jebuschristchocolatebar Wed 20-Mar-19 18:44:30

Erm maybe you are crazy and overthinking this.

BananaFace5 Wed 20-Mar-19 18:48:22

I think you're right to trust your intuition however my 7yr old plays with his 3 yr old cousin all the time and gets very disappointed when she doesnt come round so it isnt generally that unusual. However you know your son and how they both nornally behave together and the behaviour on that day made you wonder what had changed. Do they normally play mums and dads or have they previously?

Purpleartichoke Wed 20-Mar-19 18:48:58

There is a balance to be found here. Your instincts told you something was amiss and you should always listen to that instinct. Logic tells you that the odds of this being a problem are low and that it is important to foster positive relationships. So you let them play, but find some chore to do nearby.

LovingLola Wed 20-Mar-19 18:52:31

Off topic here but is your 7 year old playing on an Xbox in a room on his own?

keepforgettingmyusername Wed 20-Mar-19 19:09:26

YANBU I would have done the same. Kids are learning about the world and don't know when they're being inappropriate so it's worth nipping anything potentially iffy in the bud.

Justanothervoiceintheworld Wed 20-Mar-19 19:11:28

There should be no electronics in your kids room. This is convenient for you since then your child is out of your hair and in another room not bothering you with the noise. I do agree with your instincts. Adults are quick to dismiss the possibility of sexual abuse when it comes to children. After all abusers are adults right? Unfortunately, an abusers has taught a child this is normal so the child role plays with others. I would bring your concerns to the parents of the child. Very hard conversation to have. That is why adults do not have them.

eastereggtime Wed 20-Mar-19 19:13:34

Yep maybe I crazy and overthinking it.

It was completely out of character. They normally tell my dd is annoying them and they won't let her in the room. So yes was odd. I did keep an eye on them and then offered them some cake and brought them down.

Please don't get me wrong, my son had dolls and pushchairs as toys and I know kids can play nicely together.

P.S the Xbox is in the study so yes sometimes un supervised but I work from home a lot which is why it's in there so I can see what they are doing.

happinessischocolate Wed 20-Mar-19 19:48:21


When my Dd was 4 the 8 year old boy who lived next door got his willy out to show her when they were in the playhouse in the garden.

It was more about curiosity than abuse but I kept an eye on them more after that.

LucyStopItNowUK Tue 06-Aug-19 11:49:24

I think the key lesson here is to be vigilant and it sounds like you have been. You have noticed something different to the norm and have stepped in to limit the possible opportunity for something to happen. Even young children sometimes do sexually harmful things to each other – they may have been exposed to harmful experiences themselves or may not have learned about appropriate boundaries. To think young family members are not capable of these things can leave children exposed to potential risks of harm. Around a third of child sexual abuse is carried out by children and young people, and most people who commit sexual offences are family members or friends/people known to the family.

justilou1 Tue 06-Aug-19 11:50:56

Nope.... intuition exists for a reason. Also, DD is not a dolly.

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