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to wonder why women say this

(59 Posts)
brizzlemint Wed 20-Mar-19 17:05:35

IRL and on threads I often see things like 'DH tells me off for....' or 'DH says I can't do....' or, the one that really annoyed me when I saw it 'DH sent me to bed' (which is obviously very weird)

Is this the norm for DH's to tell their wives off or that they can't do something rather than discussing it and agreeing not to?

Shoxfordian Wed 20-Mar-19 17:08:58

Its normal for women with shit husbands
My dh doesn't think he's my boss so I don't make any comments like this

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 20-Mar-19 17:12:31

I’ve never said any of those phrases in my entire life.

Women don’t say these things. People in relationships with domineering partners say these things.

PurpleDaisies Wed 20-Mar-19 17:13:09

Women say it because it’s true for them. confused

forestafantastica Wed 20-Mar-19 17:14:29

I heard men say that kind of thing too. Some couples seem to be comfortable with a weird power imbalance parent/child kind of thing going on in their relationship. Not my cup of tea, but equally, not my circus or my monkeys.

DPotter Wed 20-Mar-19 17:15:39

Some men say it to and mean it

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Wed 20-Mar-19 17:16:04

The one that bugs me is 'DH won't let me go xxxx in the dark' like their DH is their keeper and responsible for keeping the little lady safe.... so patronising!

My DH is happy for me to make my own decisions thankfully

Ohnonotuagain Wed 20-Mar-19 17:16:37

I've never heard one of my female friends say either of those phrases, I don't think it's common.

mummamaker Wed 20-Mar-19 17:17:13

I think it depends on context for example if I wanted to buy a new hoover and it was expensive I would run it by my husband first as we share money and it should be a joint decision , but if I went ahead and bought it with out mentioning it ( not asking ) he probably wouldn't be very happy as like I said is joint money

BeanTownNancy Wed 20-Mar-19 17:18:11

Sometimes it's just poor wording. I might jokingly say that my husband "sent me to bed" if he turned to me and suggested I go to bed because I'm tired - but in all honesty, sometimes I get distracted and need a bit of a prod - I absolutely wouldn't consider going if I didn't actually want to. I might also say he "tells me off" for forgetting or being too distracted to eat my lunch, because I'm pregnant and diabetic and he is just trying to keep me and the baby healthy. Nothing sinister or controlling, I'm just a forgetful and easily distracted individual - good thing I married a guy who helps me take care of myself to be honest!

lottiegarbanzo Wed 20-Mar-19 17:19:17

I've never heard a woman say this. I hear men say stuff like this a lot. And joke about 'she who must be obeyed', 'not allowed out tonight' etc.

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 20-Mar-19 17:20:45

I did once find a message on my EXs phone telling his friend “the missus (that’s me) won’t let me go”. In further inspection his friend has invited him out to something and he didn’t fancy it but he was too chicken to tell his friend the truth so blamed me. He had never even mentioned the event to me!

BloodyDisgrace Wed 20-Mar-19 17:23:04

I've been wondering this too, whether it is actually what he said or the poster's way of expressing it (while the husband used a different phrase). Sad that it happens. I kicked a fuss at work once because of the wording in some official notice that "people will be sent home" ...

greenpop21 Wed 20-Mar-19 17:26:30

Maybe they mean it in a jokey way?

megletthesecond Wed 20-Mar-19 17:27:54

I've heard it from friends and colleagues. Some people have shit partners.

PurpleDaisies Wed 20-Mar-19 17:28:40

Why are you pissed off with the women, not the partners?

Skypatrol Wed 20-Mar-19 17:29:32

I've literally never heard anyone say this.

Unless as pp have said it's referring to a large purchase or something.

Kungfupanda67 Wed 20-Mar-19 17:30:18

Not everything needs to be taken so seriously hmm my husband often ‘tells me off’ for leaving my clothes all over the bedroom floor - he’s not abusive or controlled, he just takes the mick out of my housekeeping abilities. He also sometimes sends me to bed, if you want to put it like that, because we have 3 young kids and if he thinks I’m knackered and staying up to watch something because he wants to as well he’ll tell me to go up (I also do the same to him if he’s falling asleep on the sofa).
Lots of people on mumsnet seem to see abuse and controlling behaviour where there probably isn’t any

Gone4Good Wed 20-Mar-19 17:31:20

A woman told me once, when she saw my new puppy, "I'd love a dog but Dan said we can't have one". I think she caught herself because she gave me an embarrassed look afterwards.

eightoclock Wed 20-Mar-19 17:31:30

Men and women both say this sort of thing. I think people like saying it - it makes them feel loved and also sometimes gets them out of things they don't want to do!

SilverySurfer Wed 20-Mar-19 17:35:10

I'm in my 70s - have never said those words but then I never had relationships with arseholes.

Jinglejanglefish Wed 20-Mar-19 17:37:14

I've found its far more common to hear men say it tbh, often to do with women being painted as nags. I've only ever seen women say it on MN, never in real life.

Dp used it to get out of something he didn't want to do recently, 'jingle won't let me go'. Absolute bollocks, I've never told him he's not allowed to do anything but obviously I'm the girlfriend so I get blamed.

Gatehouse77 Wed 20-Mar-19 17:38:53

This might be semantics but I would say that DH 'had a go' at me for something - as I would for anyone for anyone. It's essentially a telling off but not in a superior/inferior sense but I've pissed someone off. Might be over stacking the dishwasher, not putting shoes away, not reading/listening to something carefully enough and jumping to conclusion...anything.

AcrossthePond55 Wed 20-Mar-19 17:38:58

Nope, never said this with current DH unless I was looking for an excuse to get out of something. And it's really pretty sad how most women will simply accept it without saying "Won't let? Really?".

There are just some people who think that their spouse 'forbidding' them to do something is a sign of how much they 'care' about them, since it's usually couched in that kind of language. You know "DH won't let me go, it's not safe at night", "DH won't let me go because men are predators", "DH won't let me go, the DC won't 'settle' with him, they only want me". That kind of shit.

ShakeYourTailFeathers Wed 20-Mar-19 17:40:02

DH tells me off when i stick a knife in the toaster grin

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