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To think this parent is out of order....

(23 Posts)
Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 13:57:28

My DD has been on and off friends with a girl in her class for 3 years. Had a list of complaints every day from my DD. Reassured her and encouraged other friendships that weren’t so troublesome. Last week the girls Mum approached me and started saying that my DD wouldn’t play with her DD. Then started blaming another kid in the class saying they were taking my DD away from her DD. Personally, I think this is pathetic. They are 8. I told her to speak to the teacher about it as they are free to play with who they like as long as they are nice about it. The teacher is better placed to give her an incite as to what is happening. Fast forward to this week and her other kid who is older (11) has been calling my DD a bully! I have been to see the teacher and they have said there is no truth in this. I’m really cross!

Myheartbelongsto Wed 20-Mar-19 14:03:23

It's actually not pathetic as I have seen this happen with my own eyes.

I did approach two of the mums and they couldn't have been nicer about it.

If someone came to me I wouldn't just tell them to speak to the teacher. That was a bit heartless of you

BlueMerchant Wed 20-Mar-19 14:03:31

Teacher has reassured you that your DD isn't a bully. I'd now just let it go.
Friendships and playground politics are changing constantly and I wouldn't be one of those mothers who got overly involved as this tends to be when small things escalate into huge fall-outs.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 20-Mar-19 14:07:47

Last week the girls Mum approached me and started saying that my DD wouldn’t play with her DD. Then started blaming another kid in the class saying they were taking my DD away from her DD. Personally, I think this is pathetic.

The Ops DD is not there to facilitate the needs of the other womans DD. I hate this 'my exclusive friend' business, it is controlling and bullying behaviour, encouraged by the other mother. It implies OPs DD has no free will to choose her own friends and was put on this earth solely to supply social needs to someone else.

Nip this fuckwittery in the bud right away.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 20-Mar-19 14:09:39

The thing is though, kids fall out all and flit for one friend to another all the time. If this mother's going to go on the bounce about it everytime. She'll drive herself into an early grave.
Now like I said fair enough kids are kids. However I don't like the idea of old siblings getting involved. She's 11 almost in the senior school a tad bit old to be targeting an 8 year old.

PBo83 Wed 20-Mar-19 14:11:46

I have a 12 yo stepdaughter and playground politics were a massive thing in year 6. It's definitely a girl thing and I don't think there's huge benefit in you getting involved.

It will all change next year anyway.

ReanimatedSGB Wed 20-Mar-19 14:30:52

Actually, you should always tell the other parent to take it up with the class teacher, and then walk away. Schools don't like parents intervening in their kids' squabbles, because there's always one cunt of a parent who makes a mild dispute between a couple of six year olds into WOrld War 3.

CombineBananaFister Wed 20-Mar-19 14:31:45

It's upto your DD who she plays with as long as she's nice about it. I probably wouldn't have told the mum to speak to the teacher about it, I would have been honest and just said that your DD was having a breather as the girls seem to be arguing/clashing a bit lately and that it's probably best if her DD does the same. Make it lighthearted maybe by saying something about the fickle world of kids? I would NOT be happy about the older sibling intersecting though, that's unfair.
It's awkward though as no one wants to hear that about their child.
Currently having a similar situation with DS who is being forced to play with another little boy who is 'struggling to make friends'. The problem with this is that it is alienating the friends he's had for years as the boy in question wants DS exclusively and his horrible to them and very controlling with him. It's made DS an anxious mess as he misses his friends and began hating school so I did have to pop into school about it. I'm all for inclusion and would hate for a child to be left out but forcing friendships is a bit unfair and doesn't take everyone's feelings into account

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 20-Mar-19 14:38:40

I hope the school is tackling this. An 11 yo picking on an 8 yo is bullying. Not what your dd is doing. By 8 children are more likely to play in more set groups than in younger years. The woman does need to address it with the school, not you. Too many parents get involved and helicopter parent.

Don’t be tempted to speak to the mother about this obvious escalation. If she says anything to you or your dd while on school grounds, you can also report this to the school. It sounds as if your dd has an on / off friendship and the girls may both have strong personalities. Sometimes it is good to distance yourself from a friend and regroup when you can both be a bit more grown up or simply find other friends.

CombineBananaFister Wed 20-Mar-19 14:41:31

I actually thought theres a couple of parents who being honest with wouldn't work reanimated and that I'd end up with a smack in the mouth !!

theresafoxunderthedecking Wed 20-Mar-19 14:50:11

you're a girl so you need to be nice, urgh. why the emphasis on being 'nice' just because one has a vagina ? your child either likes so one or they don't, as long as they aren't bullying or teasing anyone.
why are girls expected to play nicely when boys seem to be encouraged in friendly rough and tumble games in real life.

VeraWangTwang Wed 20-Mar-19 15:37:07

I think you were right to tell her to speak to their teacher.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 15:46:31

theresafoxunderthedecking Wow!

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 15:48:10

mummyoflittledragon They took the older child out of class and spoke to her. Her mother told her to do it apparently. Teacher made it clear it was not true and they will be in a lot of trouble if they said it again.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 15:50:13

I do the grown up thing and avoid, avoid, avoid. I will not be drawn into a children’s squabble in the playground. No thank you!

SnuggyBuggy Wed 20-Mar-19 15:51:28

Sounds like the sort of parent who is over involved with her children's friendships, you are right not to engage. I also think it's wrong to force friendships on kids.

Springwalk Wed 20-Mar-19 15:54:27

Op I have spent years raising girls. Do not get involved. Continue to do as you have done, refer to the teacher. Micro managing friendships is a sure fire why of making everyone miserable.

Support your dd by encouraging her to play with everyone, and monitor things from afar. Try and stay on good terms with the other parent and rise above it all. Some parents get very animated about their child's friendships but it never works. You will most likely laugh about this in a few weeks, it is not a big deal, so just see it for what it is. Playground antics nothing and nothing less.

Justanothervoiceintheworld Wed 20-Mar-19 19:54:33

So you want the teacher to be the parent? Good job.

YouTheCat Wed 20-Mar-19 19:58:53

It's not a matter of wanting the teacher to be the parent. It's wanting the kids to work out their own disputes. It's a valuable life skill.

Ithinkmycatisevil Wed 20-Mar-19 20:09:20

DD2 has a 'friend' who's mother is like this. To the point where she even phoned my dd's mobile, yes dd's not mine and started going on about how worried her dd was that my dd wasn't going to be her friend any more and making her promise that she would always be friends with her dd. I walked in towards the end listened for a minute and then made dd hang up. She's quite an unbalanced person though, I mean who phones a 9 year old to pressure them into being friends with their child!!

I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't get involved in kids squabbles, they fall in and out all the time, and parents getting involved can so often drag things out and make them so much worse.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 20-Mar-19 20:12:16

you're a girl so you need to be nice, urgh. why the emphasis on being 'nice' just because one has a vagina ?


No, seriously, the emphasis is on being nice because you are a human being living in society. Your genitals have nothing to do with it.

Anyway, parents really shouldn't get involved in that nonsense. Parents should also stop calling the "bullying" card when there's a fallout. It's really not. Not being friend with everyone is not being a bully.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 20:58:01

Justanothervoiceintheworld Are you serious? NO I do not want them parent, I want them to reassure the other parent that what they think is happening isn’t!!! I DO NOT want a confrontation with a parent over two 8 years falling out when they will be friends the next day but I will still be getting daggers across the playground three years from now.

Crispsy Wed 20-Mar-19 20:59:35

Ithinkmycatisevil WHAAAAAAT THE HELL..........

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