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To think taking chocolates round to someone trying to lose a lot of weight

(67 Posts)
TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:30:53

Is the same as taking a bottle to am recovering alcoholics house?

Mil keeps doing this. We don’t mention we are dieting (me and dp) but we have lost a lot of weight.

I have a lot of demons around food. It’s taken me a lot of therapy and help to get to even where I am now (along long way to go!) she knows the issues I have around food.

Yet I feel like she wants to see us fail. We don’t see her often but when we do she brings things like- that giant ostrich Easter egg from Aldi for me and dp, left over bowls of mashed potatoes, cold pasta etc just anything she doesn’t want to waste.

Today she’s turned up with a cardboard box full to the rim of kinder chocolates/eggs, buttons, milky ways etc. A good £20 worth of chocolates!

We or the kids don’t need that much chocolate. We tell her but she doesn’t listen 😩😩

Most of the stuff that’s not opened we donate to the food bank.

But it is bloody disrespectful I think when we’ve told her not too 😩
I can’t even blame it on being a loving nanny who wants to spoil her grandkids because she normally cba with them at all and has zero bond with them.

Tartanwarrior Wed 20-Mar-19 19:30:43

Perhaps be clear that you will just give it all away, so her money will be wasted.

I once had a friend bring me KFC when I was veggie. I was pg and craving protein. She was a really good veggie cook, so was def sabotaging. I feel your pain!

BloodyDisgrace Wed 20-Mar-19 17:30:03

Is your MIL overweight?...
Good luck, by the way.

SurgeHopper Wed 20-Mar-19 17:28:24

She's trying to sabotage your diet. Tell her to stop bringing shit food round to your place. If she does again, stop her at the door and tell her to leave it in the car.

She obviously does not respect you at all.

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 17:25:01

The staff could always offer them to people coming by, or put them next to the diabetes leaflets. Or on the health section of the library.

thecatsthecats Wed 20-Mar-19 17:09:39

Why would they want them particularly? There might be people in the same position as the OP.

Good point. Our office is literally chocka (lol) with unwanted eggs after Easter.

I have developed great wilpower and self control - to not buy the damn stuff in the first place! Having lost 4st, I think it's a bit bizarre that people think they can tell me when I can/cannot eat for my diet when it's obviously working. (My mum is a bugger for this, frowning at my big meals when at theirs - which I have planned and exercised for, and are my treat for the week, if not month!)

outpinked Wed 20-Mar-19 17:01:23

My DGM is like this. If you have the right willpower you’ll be able to give the food back to her or to someone else. Losing and maintaining weight is all down to willpower.

feelingverylazytoday Wed 20-Mar-19 16:59:47

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat for the staff
Why would they want them particularly? There might be people in the same position as the OP.

picklemepopcorn Wed 20-Mar-19 16:48:29

It's awful, and really unhelpful. It annoys me when people pop up and say "you have to learn to say no , everything in moderation, blah blah blah".

Does she come when the kids are home? Call them over and say "kids, pick a treat from Granny's bag, she'll be taking it all home later as we can't possibly eat all that".

Nickname her granny 'choc a lot'.

Say things in a jokey way like "are you trying to kill us?" "Diabetes here we come" etc.

Push back. She isn't respecting your boundaries, so you have to be pushier!

edgen2019 Wed 20-Mar-19 16:38:39

Despite my friend knowing that I am losing weight successfully she still buys me a huge bag of sweets every week, and wont take no thankyou for an answer so I pass them onto the foodbank

GraceMarks Wed 20-Mar-19 16:30:59

PettyContractor of course, why didn't the OP think of that hmm

The OP has already made the decision to not eat these things. She does this by not having the things in the house to tempt her, which has obviously been working because she has lost a lot of weight. The MiL then drives a big bulldozer through her resolve by bringing a fuckton of chocolates into the house. People aren't robots, if you have problems with binge eating and impulse control it's not as easy as just not eating stuff that makes you fat. Did you read the OP that she had had to undergo therapy?

Honestly. The fact that you have been able to overcome your food issues even to this stage is a big achievement, OP. Why do some people have to jump in and insist that you're doing it wrong because you're not doing it the way THEY think you ought to?

lilabet2 Wed 20-Mar-19 16:23:39

Do you think she meant to give them to the kids? They look like chocolates you'd give to a child rather than an adult. I would bag them up in an opaque bag, wrap cellotape around the bag (to make it more difficult to open!) and put them in the car, ready to go to the food bank.

cranstonmanor Wed 20-Mar-19 16:02:46

Either bin them or have a pact with a hungry neighbour that you'll bring the spoils around the second that she has left.

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 16:01:53

See... I could never bin chocolates. Even to make a point.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Wed 20-Mar-19 16:01:20

I'm not trying to lose weight but when we get given stuff like that we don't want it gets taken into work - wither mine or husbands. It goes in minutes!

Stuckforthefourthtime Wed 20-Mar-19 16:00:57

Agree with putting them back in her car, or giving them to the food bank (don't squirt washing up liquid on them, I grew up short of cash and the thought of people doing that in this country while so many kids go hungry is a bit horrible).

To help with general challenges Brain Over Binge is an amazing book. I can now keep biscuits in the house again!

ALongHardWinter Wed 20-Mar-19 15:59:55

craving not caving!

ALongHardWinter Wed 20-Mar-19 15:59:03

I sympathise OP. To some people,knowing that someone is trying to lose weight is like a red rag to a bull. My late DM was always doing this if she knew I was trying to lose weight,with the comment 'Oh just a little bit/just one won't hurt'. No,I'm sure it wouldn't,but that's not the point. The point is that if I eat one chocolate,or a tiny slice of cake,it will leave me caving more,and my resolve will crumble. So in my case,it was best not to even have a taste. In the end,I kept it quiet if I was on a diet.

FuckertyBoo Wed 20-Mar-19 15:56:24

@FATEdestiny

Well done on losing 8 stone! That’s an amazing amount to have lost.

Assuming your mil is over 60? And that you are not, she is probably the right weight to be healthy. There is some evidence, I am told, that once you hit 60, it is healthier to be a wee bit overweight. Like bmi of 26 or so. Before that, 22-23 is ideal. So she’s wrong on both counts;

A) she’s wrong that you are “too thin”. You are almost certainly not.

B) she is probably wrong to feel as if she is too heavy. She may not be.

PettyContractor Wed 20-Mar-19 15:51:34

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Comments like this are missing the point, that as with alcoholics and alcohol, not having the stuff in the house in the first place is a huge aide in not consuming them.

If people could just make a one-off decision to stop consuming, which they never wavered from, they wouldn't have had a problem in the first place.

EllaEllaE Wed 20-Mar-19 15:49:47

yeah, I'm with Lweji. Sure, you can run around donating them to places and that's a lovely gesture. But a more direct gesture to stop them being purchased in the first place is to put them straight into the bin while your MIL is there, after giving her the option of taking them home instead.

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 15:46:25

OK, the ones she already has.
I wouldn't run around. Just keep them in the car until I needed to go there or went by.
This is as an alternative to the food bank or bin (what a waste!).

LaurieMarlow Wed 20-Mar-19 15:44:45

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Well she could.

But presumably the OP has enough to be doing without running round dropping off chocolates she didn’t buy to people she has has no reason to gift chocolates to in the first place.

shiningstar2 Wed 20-Mar-19 15:44:31

Well done you and your husband for persevering and losing so much weight. It is far from easy and lots of dieters give up half way. The benefits in health and self esteem of feeling and looking better are massive and too important to give up in order to be tactful to your mil.

I would bin the left over stuff immediately in front of her while she is there. Thanks mil but we don't need this. I have already planned today's meals and this stuff will be off by tomorrow and to be honest it's not what we eat anyway.

Sweets ext. Thanks mil. I will keep a packet each for the children but we are working on healthy eating as a family so don't want a lot of this kind of stuff in the house. Do you want to take it back home with you or shall I put it with the supermarket food bank stuff when I next go?

It is a form of passive aggression to keep bringing this stuff if you have asked her not to. Whatever her agenda is yours and your family's health and wellbeing is too important to allow her control of what you eat. Do keep going with your wonderful determined efforts.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 15:40:46

Oh they did upload😂

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 15:40:28

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Or regift them to your children's teachers, bin people or post deliverers.

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