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To think taking chocolates round to someone trying to lose a lot of weight

(67 Posts)
TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:30:53

Is the same as taking a bottle to am recovering alcoholics house?

Mil keeps doing this. We don’t mention we are dieting (me and dp) but we have lost a lot of weight.

I have a lot of demons around food. It’s taken me a lot of therapy and help to get to even where I am now (along long way to go!) she knows the issues I have around food.

Yet I feel like she wants to see us fail. We don’t see her often but when we do she brings things like- that giant ostrich Easter egg from Aldi for me and dp, left over bowls of mashed potatoes, cold pasta etc just anything she doesn’t want to waste.

Today she’s turned up with a cardboard box full to the rim of kinder chocolates/eggs, buttons, milky ways etc. A good £20 worth of chocolates!

We or the kids don’t need that much chocolate. We tell her but she doesn’t listen 😩😩

Most of the stuff that’s not opened we donate to the food bank.

But it is bloody disrespectful I think when we’ve told her not too 😩
I can’t even blame it on being a loving nanny who wants to spoil her grandkids because she normally cba with them at all and has zero bond with them.

Eliza9917 Wed 20-Mar-19 14:18:24

Honestly the left overs are from her work too, it makes me gag.

Where does she work, dare I ask.

HarrysOwl Wed 20-Mar-19 14:21:18

It's perfectly possible to live without chocolate

Not a life worth living.

lastqueenofscotland Wed 20-Mar-19 14:24:53

Bin the leftovers and take the chocolates to work or give away
The end

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Wed 20-Mar-19 14:26:46

YANBU to think she shouldn't be bringing chocolate and high cal. foods to your house. However, YABU to sound so helpless about it. Donate wrapped and sealed things to foodbank and bin/feed other leftovers to wildlife.

GraceMarks Wed 20-Mar-19 14:28:04

People who are saying that you just have to exercise self-control and not eat everything you see are missing the point and being unkind to boot. You have already exercised self-control by not buying the chocolate and cake yourself and not bringing them into your house. It's a different matter when somebody keeps bringing to you despite having been told not to. That's a shitty thing to do and she's getting away with it by disguising it as kindness/generosity.

You have to deal with weight loss and maintenance in your own way. For some people, that means simply avoiding the foods that you know you can't control yourself around. People who have never had a problem with compulsive eating can't understand that, and will ask why you can't just not eat it or only eat a moderate amount. But it doesn't affect anyone but you, so if you prefer to cut chocolate out than try to do that "eat one tiny square of good-quality 70% cocoa chocolate every day" shit that gets trotted out, then that's what you do.

And yes, I believe that what your MiL is doing is exactly like taking a bottle of vodka round to a recovering alcoholic, and expecting them to either not drink it or just have a little drink on a Friday evening. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that you don't want her to palm off her leftovers on you any more. She needs to plan her cooking better so that she doesn't have so much left over in the first place - she's the one who's causing it to "go to waste", not you!

diddl Wed 20-Mar-19 14:39:25

*"Bin the leftovers and take the chocolates to work or give away
The end"*

I agree, but I also think that Op shouldn't have to do anything as MIL has been asked not to take them stuff.

The odd treat for the kids maybe-but a box of stuff?-who does that?

thecatsthecats Wed 20-Mar-19 14:48:04

Gracemarks - agreed. We had a serious biscuit problem in our office (think full packs evaporating twice a day), and a few of us decided that the biscuit tin should go in the downstairs kitchen so they wouldn't be right in our faces.

One utter cock made a huge song and dance about bringing it back, because he couldn't walk a single flight of stairs to get a biscuit when he wanted. The tin was returned angry. HE had the self control, so why shouldn't we?

Lo and behold, when this man gave up treats himself, biscuit purchase and consumption in the office plummeted practically overnight.

Anyone who wants to eat biscuits can do, but the kind thing to do is to support someone in their goals. Oh, and people ALWAYS think they are the exception.

"Oh, you're doing so well, you can break the diet for a night!"
"Yes Susan, I'm doing well BECAUSE I turn down the cake, and your sad victoria sponge isn't measuring up to the fish and chips I want tomorrow!"

Back on topic - OP, be really explicit. You haven't told MIL you don't want chocolate brought into the house because you're dieting. Set the reason out clearly. It will empower you to hand them back to her with a breezy 'sorry, didn't you get my message? we've cut these out' if she violates your wishes.

AnnieMay100 Wed 20-Mar-19 14:52:13

If you haven’t told her you’re dieting could she be concerned you’re unwell/can’t afford to eat so brings food in a helpful way but secretly worrying? I’d tell her you don’t have that food in the house and you appreciate it but can she stop and donate it instead. But I do agree with how you feel.

Bookworm4 Wed 20-Mar-19 15:01:02

I would hand them back and say 'I've repeatedly asked you not to bring food'
Who the fuck wants leftovers from her work? Yeuch 🤢

Nomorechickens Wed 20-Mar-19 15:11:11

'Left over mashed potato, I'll put it in the bin now, shall I?'
Chocolates? We'll keep these little ones for the children and send the rest to the food bank. Now, where's the bag for the food bank? I'll just put it in the car now so we're not tempted to eat them ourselves'

Siameasy Wed 20-Mar-19 15:13:46

I’m an ex binge eater so I get it and am ruthless. I see sugar and junk food exactly the same as drugs.
We recently were given loads of sweets and they have all gone in the bin-goodbye.
I’ve no qualms about chucking junk food out if there’s no where else to off load it. It’s hardly food is it-an Easter egg. As in, it’s not a meal for someone so would food banks even take it?
Thing is she’s an addict pushing her “drug” and you’re the bad guys rejecting her drug and her. Plus you’re reminding her she’s an addict with your refusal.

Defenbaker Wed 20-Mar-19 15:28:52

OP you're doing brilliantly, don't let her thoughtlessness/deliberate sabotage get to you. Whatever her reasons for this behaviour you're unlikely to change her, but you can change your response to it. I agree with others who have suggested being very firm re the leftovers, telling her that you absolutely will not eat other people's leftovers and she needs to take them home to eat them herself, if she is so bothered about food waste. If she refuses, bin it in front of her - every time.

Chocolate - well, it does keep, so just put it out of sight quickly so your not tempted. Then decide which is for children and which for food bank. Just a thought - maybe MIL is aware of her shortcomings as a nan and does this to compensate? Anyway don't let it get to you.

noworklifebalance Wed 20-Mar-19 15:35:49

Just say: "brilliant, thanks, the food bank really appreciate these when we take them over" and then leave them in the boot of the car/garage so they are out of sight

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 15:38:38

Il upload some pictures 😂

The first ones are when she emptied our snack jar and added it all to it.

If taken out most of the things and put in my cupboard for baking. I know if they are in there I won’t eat them as they are for work 😂

The rest Iv added 3 of each into the jar for the Dc with their normal snacks (raisins, biscuits etc).!


TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 15:39:15

Opps didn’t uplaod

LaurieMarlow Wed 20-Mar-19 15:39:29

YANBU op. You have to be really firm with her.

‘That’s a nice gesture, but as I’ve explained we’re being very careful about what we eat so I can’t possibly accept this. Why don’t you donate to a food bank/whatever?’

Press it back into her hands as she’s going. DON’T let her leave without it.

Ffs you shouldn’t be expected to be her bin/donation machine.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 15:39:53

Ffs 🙈

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 15:40:28

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Or regift them to your children's teachers, bin people or post deliverers.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 15:40:46

Oh they did upload😂

shiningstar2 Wed 20-Mar-19 15:44:31

Well done you and your husband for persevering and losing so much weight. It is far from easy and lots of dieters give up half way. The benefits in health and self esteem of feeling and looking better are massive and too important to give up in order to be tactful to your mil.

I would bin the left over stuff immediately in front of her while she is there. Thanks mil but we don't need this. I have already planned today's meals and this stuff will be off by tomorrow and to be honest it's not what we eat anyway.

Sweets ext. Thanks mil. I will keep a packet each for the children but we are working on healthy eating as a family so don't want a lot of this kind of stuff in the house. Do you want to take it back home with you or shall I put it with the supermarket food bank stuff when I next go?

It is a form of passive aggression to keep bringing this stuff if you have asked her not to. Whatever her agenda is yours and your family's health and wellbeing is too important to allow her control of what you eat. Do keep going with your wonderful determined efforts.

LaurieMarlow Wed 20-Mar-19 15:44:45

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Well she could.

But presumably the OP has enough to be doing without running round dropping off chocolates she didn’t buy to people she has has no reason to gift chocolates to in the first place.

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 15:46:25

OK, the ones she already has.
I wouldn't run around. Just keep them in the car until I needed to go there or went by.
This is as an alternative to the food bank or bin (what a waste!).

EllaEllaE Wed 20-Mar-19 15:49:47

yeah, I'm with Lweji. Sure, you can run around donating them to places and that's a lovely gesture. But a more direct gesture to stop them being purchased in the first place is to put them straight into the bin while your MIL is there, after giving her the option of taking them home instead.

PettyContractor Wed 20-Mar-19 15:51:34

You could donate the chocolates to the local library or doctor's office as a treat to the staff.

Comments like this are missing the point, that as with alcoholics and alcohol, not having the stuff in the house in the first place is a huge aide in not consuming them.

If people could just make a one-off decision to stop consuming, which they never wavered from, they wouldn't have had a problem in the first place.

FuckertyBoo Wed 20-Mar-19 15:56:24


Well done on losing 8 stone! That’s an amazing amount to have lost.

Assuming your mil is over 60? And that you are not, she is probably the right weight to be healthy. There is some evidence, I am told, that once you hit 60, it is healthier to be a wee bit overweight. Like bmi of 26 or so. Before that, 22-23 is ideal. So she’s wrong on both counts;

A) she’s wrong that you are “too thin”. You are almost certainly not.

B) she is probably wrong to feel as if she is too heavy. She may not be.

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