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To think taking chocolates round to someone trying to lose a lot of weight

(67 Posts)
TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:30:53

Is the same as taking a bottle to am recovering alcoholics house?

Mil keeps doing this. We don’t mention we are dieting (me and dp) but we have lost a lot of weight.

I have a lot of demons around food. It’s taken me a lot of therapy and help to get to even where I am now (along long way to go!) she knows the issues I have around food.

Yet I feel like she wants to see us fail. We don’t see her often but when we do she brings things like- that giant ostrich Easter egg from Aldi for me and dp, left over bowls of mashed potatoes, cold pasta etc just anything she doesn’t want to waste.

Today she’s turned up with a cardboard box full to the rim of kinder chocolates/eggs, buttons, milky ways etc. A good £20 worth of chocolates!

We or the kids don’t need that much chocolate. We tell her but she doesn’t listen 😩😩

Most of the stuff that’s not opened we donate to the food bank.

But it is bloody disrespectful I think when we’ve told her not too 😩
I can’t even blame it on being a loving nanny who wants to spoil her grandkids because she normally cba with them at all and has zero bond with them.

BarbarianMum Wed 20-Mar-19 13:38:08

Yes YABU. Part of the struggle to loose weight is not to eat every piece of foodstuff you come across. Bin it or give it away if you cant avoid temptation.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:39:59

But in my own house should be a safe haven where I don’t have to constantly worry about it..

TapasForTwo Wed 20-Mar-19 13:40:53

Have you actually asked her not to?

Stayawayfromitsmouth Wed 20-Mar-19 13:41:04

Who wants someone else's leftovers? How bizarre.
Perhaps you do need to say you are on a diet to get her to stop.
Suggest alternative gifts to food for her?

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:42:14

Yes we tell her all the time 😩😩

Honestly the left overs are from her work too, it makes me gag. I’m really funny about things like that 😩

FATEdestiny Wed 20-Mar-19 13:44:09

My MIL is similar. I've lost 8 stone, DH has lost 6 stone.

Since we lost weight she's started baking and bringing cakes around to us. She didn't used to when we were obese.

Our thinking is that she views our weight loss as a negative reflection of her own weight.

She's not big, but hovers around BMI 25-28 Whereas DH and I maintain at around BMI 22-23. She's vocal that we are "too thin" - but weren't not. We are just slimmer ( I prefer "healthier") and she sees that as a reflection on herself - that being any slimmer than she is cannot be ideal. So I suspect she's sabotaging.

We just smile and not. Have a small slice and give the rest to the kids over the week

Hamsternauts Wed 20-Mar-19 13:45:09

The leftovers I would hand back to her when she leaves until she gets the message.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:45:39

I’m glad it’s not just my mil!

I’m going to have to hide them. The Dc gave up chocolate for lent 😩

BarbarianMum Wed 20-Mar-19 13:46:00

But you have a bin yes? And access to washing up liquid? So just squirt washing up liqyid on anything tou dont want and bin it. Much simpler than trying to rearrange your Mil's psyche.

BadPennyNoBiscuit Wed 20-Mar-19 13:46:15

Yanbu, its a shitty thing to do. Its bullying, and its deliberate.
Turn her away if she turns up with leftover pasta. Because thats not a normal thing to do.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 20-Mar-19 13:46:27

I'd bin the left overs in front of her tbh, that's just grim. I bet your kids school would love the chocolate for tombolas at fairs.

BlueMerchant Wed 20-Mar-19 13:47:07

Don't accept. Help her carry the box back to the car.

Sirzy Wed 20-Mar-19 13:47:38

Part of sustainable weight loss is learning about moderation and controlling yourself. It’s the hardest part but it’s the only way to make it work long term.

TheFunkyFox Wed 20-Mar-19 13:49:12

I’m not at my goal yet (7 stone to go) else I would eat in moderation. Iv been doing so so well. Like a bite of something I fancy instead of binging and purging like I used too.

feelingverylazytoday Wed 20-Mar-19 13:50:50

Sirzy thats not true really. It's perfectly possible to live without chocolate.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Wed 20-Mar-19 13:50:57

Give them away, take them to work. I love baking but if I bake a dozen cupcakes we'll eat them all so I take them into work or DH does which means we have one each rather than half a dozen. Kinder eggs etc sound like they are for the children and if you don't want them to have them just say no thank you and give them back. Just because they are in your house you don't have to eat them. I day that as somebody who used to eat badly, I lost over five stone and kept it off until pregnancy (weight I'm currently in the process of losing DS is 15 weeks). If you don't change your mindset you'll never keep it off. Food is different to alcohol you have to eat, you don't have to drink alcohol, so you can't go food 'teetotal' you have to control what you eat

EssentialHummus Wed 20-Mar-19 13:51:33

Have you actually said “MIL, no more chocolate, we’re on a diet and it makes things harder”?

As to the chocolates - straight to the food bank.

MaryBoBary Wed 20-Mar-19 13:51:53

I would just say something like “no thank you MIL, we wouldn’t eat it, you have it as I’d hate to see it go straight in the bin”. That might put her off?

Ellisandra Wed 20-Mar-19 13:54:13

Did she do this before you were losing weight? (well done on that!)

You say you don’t see her often. I totally get your annoyance and YANBU (the work leftovers! Ugh!) but you need to learn to be around food. There’ll be work birthday cakes, meals out with friends... you can do this.

Refuse or bin leftovers.
Move chocolate to the garage (if you have one, out of the way, anyway) and drop to foodbank ASAP.

It’s not your mum - tell your husband to sort her out!!!!

Grace212 Wed 20-Mar-19 13:57:01

I think you will have to do the next step, as you've told her

so refuse it. Tell her you don't want the leftovers in the house.

with the unopened food that can go to the food bank, you can tell her "I'm just going to take this to the food bank, it would have been kinder if you had donated in the first place".

I had to do this with my parents over a couple of Christmases. They got insanely carried away, tried to leave all the extra food with me and I have to be super careful anyway because of various meds. So they know I can eat stuff occasionally and they'd be trying to give me a huge bunch of food that needed to be eaten within a few days.

they did see how mad it was when I took it straight to the food bank on 27th December.

AnnaMagnani Wed 20-Mar-19 14:14:25

Given you have told her and she still does it, you will have to start sending them back with her.

'Oh that's a lovely gesture but we don't eat them as we told you. I'll put them back in your car so you can take them back'

'What are we going to do with the leftovers? We did tell you not to bring anymore as we don't eat them? Do you think they will be safe for you to take back home having been out of the fridge this long? No - oh dear' - and then bin in front of her.

diddl Wed 20-Mar-19 14:15:38

Do children's homes/hospitals/old people's homes take Easter eggs?

Lweji Wed 20-Mar-19 14:15:44

left over bowls of mashed potatoes, cold pasta etc just anything she doesn’t want to waste.

That is plain weird. Why doesn't she keep it in her fridge and eat it as leftovers?

This, I'll have to disagree with:
We or the kids don’t need that much chocolate.

Sure, if she gives you huge amounts of chocolate all the time, but Easter chocolate can be eaten throughout the year. And... it's chocolate!
Or, yes, give it away to chocoholic friends (I'd give you my address, but it would involve international post grin).

You can also melt the chocolate (eg. egg) and bake something to give her. wink

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Wed 20-Mar-19 14:16:48

Do you by any chance live in East London? In which case I am standing ready to solve your chocolate problem.

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